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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

All you need is wine......

to feel younger, improve your skin, have more energy, lose weight, live longer....

If that's the case....I should feel like I'm -10, have the skin of an infant, be able to live on less than 15 minutes sleep a night, I should have never needed my Lap Band and damn I should live until I'm 526!
Okay, so yeah.....I'm a girl who likes her wine.
And, I've got the cork collection(s) to prove it.

To cut down on the dreadful silence of my snowbound week, my TV got more of a workout than ever before. It was helped out by the fact that when we lost our cable.....absence made my heart grow fonder!
So, when our cable did come back.....those TVs were always on.
Food Network in the kitchen.
E! Network in the living room.
HGTV in the bedroom.
FOXNews in the office.
And, I flipped on a series of rotating stations when I stepped into any other room that housed a TV.
Although I didn't listen to or watch every blessed thing--those TVs were always on.
That's when I realized that my body and my mind must respond to key word phrases.
Certain words and phrases always command my attention.
And, those key word phrases are:
Make a perfect martini
Lose weight
Look younger
Get more energy
Drink more wine

No matter what I was doing--whether I was folding laundry or putting on a face mask or lounging in a bubble bath--when I heard any of those words put together--I ran to the TV and stood in front of it--not wanting to miss one detail.
And, no matter what else was being said on the TV--whether they were announcing an earthquake in Chicago or 12 more inches of snow in Pittsburgh--I must have missed them!
But let them say any one of the words together in those phrases and my ears heard them just fine and I was turning up the sound....just so I didn't miss one iota of info!

So, imagine the electrical shock activity in my entire being when I heard the following promo coming from my TV:

What if you were told that one little pill, with the potency of
1000 bottles of wine, could help boost your energy, control your weight, and make you feel
and look younger than ever before?

If they could have somehow slipped in the word "martini", I would been doing back flips and having uncontrolable orgasmic episodes.

But, even still--those words struck me like a lightning bolt.
It was as if the entire world stood still and the only thing on the planet were me and the TV.
So, I waited and waited to hear more.
But, it appears that my personal inbedded key word mechanism somehow drones out phrases like "tune in next time" and "be sure to catch this story"......
Because I had no clue what the pill was and how to find out more about it!
I've been on a desperate search ever since.....
Until late last night....when I stumbled upon this little gem..... on one of the local TV station's websites.
And, not only that--it had references to real doctors from highly regarded hospitals in my hometown and testimonials from citizens who live right in my little suburban hamlet....!
What could be better than that?

Gee, I wonder if those little pills will help me other wine ways?
One pill = 1000 bottles of wine.
No calories.
Look younger.
Lose weight.
More energy.
I'm not sure if the world if ready for that Judi.....

Anyone ever tried Resveratrol?
If so, do tell......


Anonymous said...

ummmm, can I be a test study??? boy, I could use that too...the energy alone would be great!!

Jill from NY

Debbie said...

I want it.

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

Fox News????????????????????????

Anonymous said...

I've tried it. It improved my skin, but I didn't lose any weight.
It is rather expensive.

Gen said...

I say get going on the 1000 bottles of wine and report back to us ASAP!