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Monday, June 1, 2009

April brings showers, May brings flowers, June brings my tears.....

My calendar is making me cry.....

June 2009


This morning, I could not stop the calendar page from turning. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried---the month that I've been secretly dreading, trying to avoid, yet working very hard to look forward to, arrived right on my doorstep.

Without even a whimper--June meandered in. As if it belonged in Judiland.

In the dark of night, while I slept in my bed, June tiptoed into my life. It brushed itself across my brow. Reminding me. And, I cried.

As my little girl slumbered peacefully amid pink frill and girly ruffles, underneath her frothy canopy, June blew past the moon and the stars and glided through her lace covered window. June danced lightly upon the patchwork quilt and perched itself on the white iron bed post--never even whispering to her it's arrival. And, I cried.

As the sun came up, on this first day of June, I stood by my dreaming daughter's doorway and gazed upon her angelic face, her dark flowing hair and her button nose as they peaked out from the jumble of pastel coverings. Melting my heart until the tears fell. Yes, I cried.

It is June. And, Toni is graduating from high school.


For Toni, these next few days is all about the last day of school, the senior prom, the senior picnic, commencement and graduation parties. It's about celebrating past accomplishments and friendships and all those moments that a girl holds close to her heart. And, it's about youthful wonder and excitement and memories.
And, for me-- it's all about looking at a future that does not include packing her peanut butter, apple and carrot lunches in brown paper sacks. It's about not driving my sweet girl to school and watching her smile as she greets her friends. It's about that very first day of school when I dropped her off at kindergarten. And, it's about being who I am, who I was and the moments that got me here.
It's all slowly, sweetly and ever so sadly---drifting away.
Into June.

I must stop these tears from flowing.
I. must. not. cry.


I think I'm going to rip up the calendar.

4 comments:

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

Uh, yeah, good luck with that no crying thing.
I even cry when I don't know anyone graduating.
Just think of the lovely couple of weeks you can look forward to.
I remember my graduation. What a fun time.

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

PS. My cousin went to North's graduation the other day and the Mayor was the commencement speaker.
He told them that luck had nothing to do with how ones life turns out.
How funny is that coming from a man who was made council pres. as sort of a joke. And then the seemly healthy, newly elected Mayor goes and dies and he ends up mayor at 27. After serving just 2 years in council.
Lucky??????I think it has everything to do with his life.
(Not that I dislike him, I just thought that was strange place for him to go)
bye again!

JCWillow99@gmail.com said...

I know how you feel.
hugs..

Sher's Creative Expressions said...

Yeah, this growing older and "seasons of life" stuff suck don't they? This is Toni's time to make her memories, become more independent and spread her wings. . . even though. . . inside. . . our hearts break. . . we force a "smile!"

Blessings,

Sher

P.S. On a brighter note. . . what about those Red Wings?!!!??