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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I'm leaving the PTA......

before they kick me out.......

And, I'm going out the same way I came (in 1990) a Size 10!!
Yeah, I're sick of hearing about Size 10!!!!
Just thought I'd mention it....

So, here I am, on the last day of school.
It's the very last day that I will be a member of the PTA.
And, I'm reflecting on my life as a PTA mom.....

The first PTA meeting of the academic year
Vince was in Kindergarten.
Howe School.
My friend Kate and I.
Circa 1990.
A few glasses of wine, pre-meeting.
Seated next to a very prim and proper PTA lady.
I noticed her lovely bracelet.
"Oh my, that is gorgeous!" I exclaimed---probably with great gusto (because of the wine)
"Why thank you" she flatly responded-- probably smelling the wine on my breath
"Where did you get that?" I gasped in wine-infused interest.
"It's from Greece. My husband travels there extensively for his business" she answered--her voice tinged with self importance.
"OOOOH......can I look at it closer? I want to show my friend," I said, yanking her arm towards Kate and I.
"Look at that Kate!" I exclaimed
"Pretty" Kate commented--clearly wondering what the hell I was so excited about.
"Her husband got it for her in Greece" I told Kate as only a tipsy friend would.
"That's nice," Kate replied, unimpressed
"What does your husband do in Greece?" I asked the good PTA mom.
"Yaddda, yaddda, yaddda"....I have no idea what she said but her explanation seemed to go on and on and on and was filled with words I could not even begin to understand--wine or no wine.
"That sounds wonderful!" I responded once again with great enthusiasm.
She gave me a quick, half smile.
Soon, the meeting started.
A few minutes into the meeting, the bracelet lady decided to speak. She raised her braceletted hand and said something like "I'm glad to see so many people here". She said it with a sweet sarcasm. Then, as if she was spitting nails--she began railing against those parents in the group who were not involved enough in the PTA. She considered them poor role models and unappreciative citizens and she blamed them for everything from poor grades to early sexual experimentation to school violence. Oh, she went on and on. By the time she finished, I was positive she considered everyone in the room to be lousy parents, criminal citizens, terrorists and demons and saw herself as a perfect role model of a parent.
A few moments later, I leaned over to her and said.....
"You know, I keep staring at that bracelet! And, now I know what the design is on it!"
She looked at me with confusion
"They are 69's!" I giggled
Her mouth dropped open.
"You did say you got it from your husband, didn't you?" I slyly asked
She didn't say a word as her eyes narrowed.
"Kate! Her husband got her a bracelet with 69's all over it!" I said, nudging Kate.
Kate just looked at me---half laughing, half wondering if I lost my mind.
"You busy lady!!! No wonder you come to so many PTA get out of the house!!!" I chided, winking my eye.
We never spoke again.
Not sure if it was because of the 69 thing or the fact that I never went to another PTA meeting.

Yep, I'm gonna miss my PTA days......


Jody V said...

Oh Judi - too funny!! Too funny!! I love hearing about your size 10. Good for you!! Reminds me of Frankie's first day of Pre school. I walked in to find out that I had given the teacher a black eye when we went to school together!! Good times!!


Cathy said...

Judi, you are such a hoot! I never liked PTA meetings for the exact same reason. I might have gone to a couple more that you. But I always felt belittled by the PTA holier than thouers who felt that they and the PTA gods had a thing going on. Oh well, my son is a pharmicist and the other is in law school, so I don't think it scarred them too much that I wasn't a big PTAer. I'm just sayin'. . .

Kathy said...

That is a funny story, I don't care who you are. I didn't even join the PTA they were just as you described. I was a working Mom so I didn't have time to do all that they did. My kids didn't suffer for it either. And about the size 10, you deserve to talk about it all you want to. Good for you!!!

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

God, I hated the PTA ladies and their perfect kids. (Some of which are in jail now---woo hoo)

My friend and I walked our kids into the first day of school all proud. Until her son said "Hi all you MFer's. I almost died. But now I get great satisfaction from telling all the former Mothers-of-the-year that he is now in his third year of law school.

I remember when Devin graduated. I couldn't wait because I had been doing the south hills thing for four years. Back and forth, back and forth. Now I hate to say it but I miss running here and there.
Now we have no where to go!! (Which is a good thing most of the time!)