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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

What I wouldn't give for a big, fat, juicy burger right about now.....

Did I mention that I'm having some pbing issues these days? My Lapband is being very fickle. It will accept popcorn but not chicken or fish. It will accept protein bars but not tuna salad. And, don't even mention a green salad...whoa, not good! This is quite a conundrum. And, it's sort of pissing me off. No, it is pissing me off. And, when I get pissed off, my natural instinct is to eat. Something really decadent. And big. And juicy. And sloppy. And over the top.

Typically, a Lapband may react squeamish the first few days after a fill. If anyone doesn't know what a fill's when they "pump up" your band with saline...thus tightening it a wee bit. So, for a few days after a fill, you stay on a semi-liquid or soft food diet. My most recent fill happened early in June. So, I'm about a month into it. This shouldn't be happening. It shouldn't be happening that is--- if I were a text book case. But, I'm not. I'm Judi. And, with Judi comes all kinds of stuff. Did I mention that I'm complex? And, when I'm feeling complex, my natural instinct is to eat. Something really spicey. And fattening. And piled high with pickles.

As with anything--there are many factors that can impact your band. One of them is stress. Hmmm. Stress. Yep, I've had some stress. Meatballs. Sauce. Pasta. Electrical fires. Water logged flower boxes. Weeds. Motherhood. Wifehood. Career. Shoe choices. Not to mention my messy bedroom, the piles of laundry busting out of hampers and the dishes that seem to procreate in my sink. When I'm feeling stressed, my natural instinct is to eat. Something really meaty. And salty. And smothered in mayonnaise.

So, this pbing is getting on my nerves. Do I call my Lapband doctor and report the problem or call my primary care doctor and get a prescription for chill pills? Or, do I wait it out and figure it will get better (my typical mo)? If I do the latter, I figure I could spend the time I normally spend on eating to go shopping for shoes and lipgloss. If I do any of the previous choices (get medical intervention), I would actually be taking time away from time I don't have. You know, I'd have to make an appointment, go to the appointment and maybe go to the pharmacy. There would be no shopping involved in that scenario. So, I'm confused. When I get confused, my natural instinct is to eat. Something comforting. And filling. And somewhat nourishing.

Did I ever mention that I'm not good with rules? If not, I'm telling you now. I don't like rules. They just aren't for me. I like to go with the flow. Sure, I will follow them if I promised I would. Case in point--the love, honor and cherish thing. I told God, my priest and the 400+ plus people who watched me say those words that I would. So, I'm doing that. And, I have a healthy fear of jail time so I pretty much stay on the right side of the law. Now, if I like the rule, then, of course, I will follow it. Unless, of course, it becomes borish or starts to make no sense. Sometimes when I'm told that I can't do something....I automatically want to do it. Like I said...I am bad with rules. So, I start to feel very ornery when there's rules. And, when I get ornery, my natural instince is to eat. Something completely outrageous. And bad. And loaded with fried onions. And gooey cheese.

My Lapband is not cooperating with me. Hence, my body is not behaving as it should. I can't do anything about it. It's limiting me. I don't like limits. And, I don't like things I can't control. It makes me feel very out of control. Which, of course, I am...when it comes to this pbing thing. And, when I am feeling out of control, my natural instinct is to eat. Something on a big bun. Something that smells enticing sizzling on a grill. Something like a hamburger.

Damn it. I haven't had a hamburger in close to a year. I haven't wanted a hamburger in that same amount of time. But now.....all of a sudden, the fact that I can't have it, I'm craving one. With all of my heart and soul. This is pure Judi behavior---my body says I can't have it and I want it. I don't want yogurt or protein shakes. I don't even want tuna salad or my beloved crabcakes. And, it's made all the more miserable by the fact that we're smack in the middle of hamburgers on the grill season. And, there's a whole holiday devoted to the great American cookout. And, it's only 2 days away. And, that makes me bitchy. When I get bitchy, I want revenge. So, I'm making Mexican food for the 4th of July. The ultimate revenge.....going Mexican on an All-American-grill-hamburgers holiday. It always comes back to food....and margaritas.

1 comment:

Eileen, The Mayor, or Francine, depending on my mood and night of the week. said...

Can't you have one of those little sliders they sell now? They are really, really small. (Like, so small I can eat 12 of them)

How about I eat a burger for you. I know, I know, no need to thank me, there's nothing I won't do for a friend.
I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Que aproveche!