TGIF.....Thank God I'm Fabulous......

Okay....let's get back to my big BANDIVERSARY hoopla.

Today, I decided I am going to embrace and celebrate my imperfections. The things that make me fabulously imperfect. I am going to celebrate it all with great delight. It's a party to honor the imperfections that I see in myself and the imperfections that others see in me. And, not just imperfections but the pleasures that go along with being an imperfect me. My endangered pleasures. You know what I mean....they are the ones that I take delight in but know that there's a whole world of really good and nice people who think it's not the right thing to do. They'd like me to stop doing these things. That's why they are endangered.... You know what I mean....things we do that illicit "that look". It's like when I go into CVS all dressed up on my way to work, looking oh so smart and professional and I ask the person behind the counter for a pack of Salem Lights. Yeah, you know the look. Or...those martinis I like. Oh yeah. Put me on a bar stool with one of those in one hand and a Salem Light in the other and I'm like a blue light special. Not a candidate for mom of the year. But, I take pleasure in a contraband smoke every once in awhile. And, I like martinis. And, sitting at a bar is one of my favorite things. Call it what you will but I'm comfortable there. Me. A bar stool. A little libation. A smoke. A juke box. It's a party waiting to happen. And, I take delight in a party.

Now, let's talk about laundry. I hate laundry. My bedroom is a testament to that. Considering that laundry is closely related to clothes and I love clothes....you'd think I would like laundry. But, I don't. I like to send it out. I know there's people out there who think that's just a terrible thing. In the deep crevices of my heart, I know I'm supposed to do laundry regularly and not leave it on my front porch for someone to pick up. But, I can't help myself. It gives me great delight to come home on Fridays from work and find all of my laundry done....and sitting on my front porch (gee, what do the neighbors think?).

And, then there's food. Just the other night, Toni and I devoured an entire bag of multi-grain tortilla chips and a bowl of my friend Patty's amazing cheese nacho dip. Not very Saint Lapband of me....huh? But, I needed it. I had been puking up scrambled eggs, soup, salad, etc for close to 2 weeks. But, chips were working out just fine. My Lapband was welcoming chips and dip. So, I went with it. My day had been lousy, Carmen's schedule was getting insane, he was overstressed and unavailable and I had a list as long as my arm to get done that night. So, dips and chips it was. It was a small glimmer of delight in an otherwise not so delightful day. And, I got to spend some quality misbehaving time with my daughter. Double delight with a cherry on top.

I'm really just one big imperfection. But, I can dress up imperfections and make it all look pretty good. It's one of my gifts. I'm not mother of the year or wife of the year or even daughter of the year. And, quite honestly, I never aspired to be any of them. I aspired to be famous--if you really want to know the truth. And, in some circles, I'd like to think I am. I don't have the paparazzi chasing me or wads of cash coming in because of my fame. But, I do have adoration and love and friendship. And, I'd like to think that I have those things because I am so imperfect. I make people feel good about themselves because I am imperfect. That works for me. One time someone told me that if you met me for the very first time, I would intimidate you. So, I asked why. And, you want to know the answer? This person said it was because I looked like I was so damn perfect. And, then, they added "but it's great that you are not...that's the beauty of you." My beauty is in my imperfection. Or perhaps more accurately---I can make imperfection look good. You can take the girl out of Dormont but you can't take Dormont out of the girl.


Yes, there are moments when I look around and see people who seem to have it all together. But, then, I think....do they really? Yes, they probably do. However, just in case they don't....I want them to know it's okay. But, hell, I'm not going to walk up to a complete stranger who looks perfect and say "you know, it's okay if you're not perfect and I think it's great that you are not! Let's be friends!" It wouldn't be welcomed, I'm sure. Although, I'd welcome hearing that sentiment sometimes. Especially when I'm sitting on that bar stool with my martini and Salem Light on the very day that I left the laundry on the porch.

And then there's diets. I did pretty good with diets. So many times. In fact, when I look back at all of those diets, I'm pretty impressed with my successes. But, with each diet came the end of it. And, more pounds. While I was doing it right, I did it with great gusto and superb perfection. I had applause and high fives and kudos and all kinds of compliments. But, just like the diets, they went away as the pounds piled back on. Yet, I soldiered on and greeted the next diet with hope. But, along came parties and vacations and the "I can't take it anymore" moments....derailing my efforts. Yes, I was a perfect dieter who yielded imperfect results. So, I just bought bigger sizes and perfected my make up a little more and bought better shoes. Delightfully so.

So, what is life if it doesn't allow for a little imperfection? My imperfections are the bits and pieces of me that I sometimes keep hidden from the delicate folks out there. And, yes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about the consequences and the stares and the rolling eyes. Yet, when it's all said and done....I'm absolutely sure that my imperfections are what make me who I am. And, it's what gives me my ability to forgive and understand and have compassion. Living imperfectly with great delight is what I aspire to do. A simple plan for a not-so-simple girl.

And, what about my endangered pleasures? Well, that's where you come in. I'm starting up a foundation to protect them. The Preservation of Endangered Pleasures Society Inc.....PEPSI. I'm writing up the charter right now. And, I want to be sure that I cover each and every endangered pleasure out there. So, I'm looking for other endangered pleasures that need protecting. What are yours? Post a comment and let me know. For each of your endangered pleasures that you share, you will get 5 points. Those 5 points will go towards winning one of my 52 Favorite Things. See here for more details. And, please don't censor yourself. Be sure to share them all. If nipple rings are your thing or you are a closet thumb sucker....let me know. I don't want to forget any. I want to save them all! Why? Because I'm pretty sure if people felt safe to give in to their private pleasures, we would have world peace. Yes, I know...I'm fucking fabulous. I swear, if I had a tiara and a cape, I could save the entire world! Oh...did I mention that I say bad words sometimes? Delightful....aren't I?