That's what she said.....
My party planner extraordinaire called me last night.
Yes, I have a party planner. Don't all Real Housewives have one?
Anyway...here's what my party planner said...in her best party planner voice...
"Judi, my dear, the only way to have a fitting celebration of this momentous occasion and the only way I'll be able to pencil in your party into my planner is if you work with me here....."
I told her that since I considered her one of the best party planners ever, I would move heaven and earth to get her to get her to do my Bandiversary party....
"Good. Because you might just have to move heaven and earth! Listen, closely, my dear, because time is of the essence. And, my schedule gets booked up very quickly....after all, I am the go-to girl for the best damn bandiversary parties this side of Egypt...."
And, so, with that, I snuggled up closer to the phone, got out my red leopard pen and my very fancy smancy note pad and settled in for a nice, long set of instructions.
But, they didn't come.
Instead, she coo-hissed....."I don't do parties for less than 100 people! And you only have 95 friends. It just won't do. No. No. It just won't do!"
Was my Third Bandiversary Party doomed? I asked in deep despair....
I could hear her smacking her ruby red lips. Then, in her halted, judging, sweet-as-pie party planner voice, she said....
"Well, Judi, my dear. I think it's just lovely that you lost 115 pounds. Clearly, it's nothing I ever had to do. But, still....I think it's just lovely. Lovely indeed. What I am thinking is---and this is party gospel-- to make this party worth my time and effort and creativity and beauty and essence and all that goes with who I am, you need more than 95 on your guest list."
"Sure I can do that, I promise!" I said, in a pleading voice that I didn't even like hearing myself...
She continued.....in her know-it-all, know-it-better tone.....I could just see her wagging her well-polished finger at me....
"And, furthermore, since I'm guessing that those 115 pounds that you lost...ahem...that you had to lose.... were with you for a very loooooong time....those pounds were friends of yours. Am I right or am I wrong?"
Well, Ms. PartyPlanner-Bitch woman did have a point there about the 115 pounds.
A bit of a stretch of a point but hey.....a point nonetheless.
Those 115 pounds did keep me company, keep me warm and stayed with me for many years.
So, yes, I guess they were my friends......so to speak.
But,where was Ms. PartyPlanner-Look-Down-Her-Nose-At-Fat-People going with this?
I mean, what the hell was she saying? Was she suggesting I somehow regain that 115 pounds....just because they were my friends?
"What are you getting at?" I asked as sweetly as possible.
"What I'm saying, girlfriend is this--you need 115 friends to invite or I ain't doing your party!"
and then, her voice got very mean and nasty.....just like those mean, nasty girls in high school.....
"Listen, if you managed to lose 115 pounds, surely you can find 115 friends to invite! Can't you? You ain't fat anymore....right? You're not a fat girl!"
Ok, Ms. Partyplanner Bitchwoman......YOU'RE ON!
So, blog friends---you know what we gotta do.
I need to get 115 followers signed up on my blog so I can make my party the best ever.
Oh, and I forgot to tell you that Ms. Partyplanner-Dominatrix said I only have 72 hours to do it.
That's only 3 days!!!!!
Let the begging begin......
PLEASE PASTE THE FOLLOWING ON YOUR BLOGS (and tell your friends to do the same)!!!
Yes, just COPY and PASTE it!
Judi needs 115 friends to replace the 115 pounds she lost with her Lapband!
Follow Judi at