Nutella, Nutella....where have you been all of my life?

We interrupt the current back-to-college programming to share the most incredibly intoxicating taste experience since gin.......

Yes.....I, my friends, had been a Nutella virgin.
Until now.

Now, I'm a NUTELLASLUT NUTELLAHOLIC!
This is what happens when you've been deprived all of your life.......
Heaven help me, please!
I can't keep my finger out of the Nutella!!

Nutella...the cultural icon of generations of Italians.
The smooth, creamy, chocolatey Hazelnut spread beloved by all Italians.
I knew nothing and I mean....nothing....about it.
N.O.T.H.I.N.G.
It never graced my lips, touched my tongue or even made it into my cupboard!
I, my friends, lived a very sheltered life--despite my penchant for contraband smokes, gin, aging rockers, cage dancing and the occasional front porch toke ......


Where have I been that I never had the joy of Nutella consumption?
And, yet I sit here and spew about the Italian foodie blood that runs through my veins.
I'm red-faced. Ashamed. Disgraced. Not just for me. But for my entire famiglia.
What kind of Italian mother did I have...depriving me of an Italian delicacy?
What was wrong with my Italian aunts.....not offering me a taste of one of Italy's amazing culinary inventions ?
And, what's the deal with my Italian mother-in-law......didn't she want me to know the amazingly sensual power of Nutella?
Were they hoarding the Nutella all for themselves all of these years?
How is it that I'm 51 years old and just found out about Nutella right now?


I blame my current Nutella whoring behavior on my mother, my aunts and my mother-in-law and all those other so-called Italians who professed to love me.......

MUST. MAKE. UP. FOR. LOST. TIME.
Open cap. Insert finger.
Will probably need a contraband smoke after wards......