funny how milestones make you wonder.....ya know, like the fact that I'm celebrating my third bandiversary in less than a week and my blogoversary is mere days away AND my 30th anniversary at work in less than 2 weeks....
Or, maybe I'm asking this question of myself because I got another damn invitation to join the AARP. Could it be?
Or, maybe it's just that I've spent the past 7 days with my father--an 89 year old man who lives for a decent conversation, the next TV show and his next meal or treat......
Whatever it is....I've got the what have I done with my life bug.
So, I've been thinking.
In between work and dad duty and taking care of my dog-nephew and all that goes along with all of that...
And, one of the conclusions that I came to is that even though it might sound awfully vain and a bit self-focused and just a wee bit uncaring, one of my biggest successes has been my weight loss....this 115 pound weight loss.
Amazingly, it took me 50+ years to realize my biggest success....
So, if that fact says nothing else to anyone--it should tell you this much--maturity has it's rewards.
And, I'm expecting many more rewards....and successes....as I mature.
Now, let me explain.
Sure, I am very proud of my two amazing children and I take a fair amount of credit for where they are today---sincerely good individuals who are happily ensconced in PhDland and CollegeLand and living lives filled with friends and purpose.
But, really, it's more about them than me....they did all the work.
I just stood by and helped them along.
And, I take pride in the fact that I've been a good wife, a good sister, a good daughter, a good friend, a good coworker, a good niece, a good aunt and a good neighbor.
But, thankfully, I've been blessed with amazing people who allowed me to want to be those things...
My weight loss is a whole different story.
Yes, a whole 'nother story.....
It was and is ALL. ABOUT .ME.
And, lest you think that just because I'm three years down the road from my Lapband surgery that this is old news....think again.
Because, as with all things in life--good and bad--it's been a journey that began well before that August day in 2007 and will last long after today....
Honestly, if anyone would have asked me thirty years ago what I wanted my biggest success to be over the next twenty years, I would have said it would be that I would become a famous writer.
Clearly, I didn't have the vision.
The true, absolute faith to picture myself as a famous writer. I didn't have it!
And, just as importantly,I didn't spend the time or the effort to make it happen.
I did not make it my mission.
For all of those reasons and more---I know that to be so. Absolutely so.
And, therein lies the point.
As much as I might have said I dreamed of it--I didn't do a damn thing to make it happen--in my head or in my life.
As I sit here today and ponder that thought--it doesn't make me one bit sad.
Because sometimes it's the actions rather than the dreams that define us.
And make us who we are.
So, let's talk about that.
Well, to be more precise.....let me talk about that....
Since I'm being honest, I'll let you in on another fact about me---I was not always fat.
I had the obesity gene, I was always on a diet, I was always gaining and losing weight--or so it seemed, and I was never thrilled with my body.
But, I wasn't always fat.
Until I became obese.
Until I couldn't break the cycle.
No matter how many times I said I wanted to.
That's when I was fat.
Up until then---I was just a girl on diets.
Sure, I was optimistic. With each diet.
Dieting is...if you really think about...an optimistic endeavor.
I always figured I'd lose the weight.
We all do. If we didn't, we wouldn't go on diets. Right?
Clearly, being an optimist didn't help me at all when it was all said and done.
Because I was still fat.
It was not until I faced the brutal facts----I didn't want to be fat, I was fat, I was unhappy being fat, I couldn't enjoy my life being fat, my fatness was bringing me down in every aspect of my life, dieting was not going to help me, I needed more help and I could not do it anymore.....that's when I quit being optimistic and took the steps I needed in order to prevail. In other words, I did what I needed to do to be successful.
My optimism stopped the minute my faith kicked in.
Faith? You ask.....
You see, I firmly believed in where I was at--I was fat.
And, I firmly believed in the action I took--getting my Lapband.
And, believe me when I tell you--neither of those steps were easy to take.
Now, here's where I could say...and the rest is history.
But, I won't let you off that easy.
Because if there's anyone out there reading this blog that needs to wrap their head around what it takes to succeed at this Lapband thing or weight loss of any type--I want to talk directly to you and share what I have come to believe.
And, it's a rather simple concept.
In fact, I didn't even know it was a concept until I read about it.....because my new boss made me read a book....
Evidently, I employed the Stockdale Paradox....you can read all about it or not.
What it essentially says is this--optimism won't get you through--it takes facing your reality--no matter how brutal, and having the faith that you will prevail in the end. This is what will make you successful.
Gee, I could have written that book....
You see, the minute I threw out my optimism and embraced the true facts (the brutal reality that I was fat) along with my faith in my true ability to not be fat (getting my Lapband)--my journey began.
Let me be clear here---it didn't open my eyes to where I wanted to go---it opened my eyes to where I WAS GOING.
As an added bonus--clarity set in.
It helped me to cut through the murky waters of diet behavior, get rid of the clutter and stop all the deadline dates and planning.
It wasn't about weighing and measuring or drinking shakes or cutting out carbs or taking pills or getting shots in the ass or never eating ice cream or locking up the nacho dip.
No. No. And no.
It took me awhile to learn all of that. But, once I did....I was sure of it.
It was all about doing what I needed to do to live my life the way I wanted to live it---not being obese.
I can to accept that it didn't solve all my problems--a brutal fact I never realized before.
(Don't thin girls have perfect lives?)
But, I didn't want it to solve all my problems.
Well, I would have loved for it to solve all of my problems.
But, if I think about it--I only set out to solve one of them!
So, it was just going to solve one.
Another brutal fact.
But, in solving that ONE PROBLEM.....I reaped the rewards.
The rewards that lived inside of ME.
I always had the ability to do all the things I am doing now--like blogging and having fun with fashion and going new places and exercising my more passionate side and...well, you get the picture....
But, now I am doing it....more and more each day.
Because I succeeded at ONE thing.
So, yes, if that means I am a success story then please....pass the tiara.
I am a success story.
And you can be too!
Your tiara awaits.
Oh, and don't forget.....
I need 115 followers by Friday!!!!
Please follow my blog if you don't already!!
And, if you have a blog....please paste the following on it:
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Judi needs 115 friends to replace the 115 pounds she lost with her Lapband!
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