Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I went for years gaining weight. Yes, I noticed I was gaining it. But, not pound by pound. When the scale started drifting way past the 200 mark, I was more than shocked. I thought the damn scale was broke. So, I tossed it. Call it denial. But, honestly, I never felt the weight coming on. Maybe that was the problem. Or, it could have been the huge pasta dinners,the yummy Tangueray and tonics (with double limes), the mindless Dorito munching, my love of wine and that amazing Italian bread I took a liking to. Whatever it was, it was.
So, yesterday, when I did my weekly Tuesday weigh-in, I gained a pound. The first pound I've gained in my Lapband journey. Yes, I know....a year ago, gaining one pound in a weekend would have been cause for a party. But, since I wasn't aware that I was gaining that one pound, I missed the celebrations. Damn it anyway....I am one hell of a partier and I sure can put together a rocking celebration in no time flat. Call a few friends, whip up some nachos, run to the liquor store, grab some cigarettes and light some candles. Wa-la...a party. And to think---I could have had some really great "I only gained one pound" parties! Hindsight---20/20.
Yesterday, I didn't need the scale to tell me there was a new pound. I swear to God....I knew it. Darn that one pound. I went on a cruise and didn't gain one pound. But, I ate 2 rice cakes at lunch instead of one and there it was--one pound. And, the worse part of it? I felt that pound just like I could feel a razor slicing my skin. When I went to bed on Monday night, I knew that pound was there. When I woke up on Tuesday morning, I knew it was there. On my morning walk---I knew it was there. As I downed my chai tea latte....yep, you guessed it....I was well aware of that damn pound. Am I so thin these days that a measly little pound can make a difference? I think not. Or, am I so crazed over this whole weight loss thing that I'm actually becoming one with inertia? I don't even know what that means....but, it sounds good.
Since I don't know how to deal with this in an educated, guaranteed-successful way....I think I just have to go scale cold turkey....again. It's time to give up the scale....again. Just when I thought it was safe to go back. However, now I'm worried. Did my scale hiatus sensitize my mind into becoming a scale itself? Sort of like how the deaf can see better and the blind can smell better (or something like that)? You know...another sense or ability just becomes heightened. It's not such a crazy notion. Is my new ability to feel one pound on my body due to the fact that I gave up the scale but since I'm the scale junkie that I am, my mind compensated by increasing my ability to feel a rice cake deposit itself on my stomach? Am I really developing this new super power where I can feel weight as it forms? And, if so, will that cancel out the possibility that I will ever develop any other super power in my lifetime? Do we only get one super power? Can I use this super power on others or in any other situation? These are things I wonder about. The things I think about. Trust me, I'm complex. Speaking of complex....I had an enlightening session with Professor H this week....she's my damn smart, insightful, rock 'n rolling, Nike wearing, just turned bird watcher friend. I'll tell you all about it soon...I promise. In any case, I mention this session because as I was loading the dishwasher tonight....I was thinking about this one pound thing and my new super power and wondering if it had any career implications. And, it occurred to me that I could become a weight spy. Special ops kind of thing. I'd have a super power moniker and everything. Silver Girl(ala Fleetwood Mac). That's who Professor H says I am (like I said...a whole other post). For now, I have to contemplate what kind of outfit Silver Girl, the Weight Spy, will wear. And, of course, I'll have to figure out the shoes. I'm thinking all silver. Silver Girl, the Weight Spy. That might work. Lemons into lemonade. That's me.
Geez.....one pound caused all this???