So, the other day I was reading an article about something called "Toxic Niceness". Apparently, there's an entire book written on this affliction. Everyone must know about it but me. I'll bet my husband and children have kept me from finding out about it all these years. It's referred to as "the disease to please". It goes on the premise that everyone else in our lives gets more out of our efforts than we do. Well, if that ain't a Judi thing I don't know what is. I'm convinced I have it. A chronic, raging case of it! And, I've had it for years---49 to be exact. Typically, I'm not a hypocondriac. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. Even when I have symptoms of something, I don't think I have it. When the doctor says "you have a sinus infection"---even though I've been living with awful pain and misery and sporting a 105 fever---I look at him in shock...."who me? no way!" So, when I say I'm afflicted with this disease, it's not because I am paranoid. It's because I've looked in the mirror. Remember how I said I was feeling funky? After my quickie course on Toxic Niceness, I'm pretty sure that my funkiness wasn't post cruise let down. I'm now damn sure it was an outbreak of Toxic Niceness battling my INNER BITCH. I had myself all upset because I didn't feel like being nice and loving and sweet? And, I admitted to it...right here on my blog. Not only was that over the top Toxic Niceness, it was also a whole lot of stupidity. Let's face it....we're allowed to have days when we don't feel like being nice. We're not allowed to take people out with machetties. But, we are allowed to get cranky. So, I wasn't really funkified. My psyche was revolting against itself. Sort of like a convulsion. It was battling my inner bitch. My inner bitch was saying "what kind of wacko are you?" and I was saying "but I just want to be a nice person". Then, my inner bitch was saying "wise up!" Yeah, that was my inner bitch talking to toxic nice me (the book all of this is revealed in is called "Finding Your Inner Bitch"...that's how I know all this). Well, la-di-da, I have a bitch living inside of me. To be honest, I am feeling a little bit proud right now. I've known quite a few bitches in my day and there have been times when I've been in awe of them. Now, I come to find....there's one living right inside moi. Impressive...isn't it? MY inner bitch lives. It's that little voice inside that's saying "I don't think so" as my mouth is saying "why yes darling, I'm happy to make dinner, serve you while you're watching the game and then do the dishes while you take a little nap...." or "I completely understand that you are in a bad mood and can't deal with my very important concerns right now. Please let me know how I can help you deal with your issues."
So, what's next? Now that I know that I have a very severe case of this Toxic Niceness and major suppression of my inner bitch, is it time to seek treatment? Find a Toxic Niceness Detox Center? Go on a quest to find and uncage my inner bitch? All I know is this....when I read that article, a light bulb went off in my head. All of a sudden....I realized...all those times people said to me..."you're too nice"...it wasn't a compliment. It was a warning that I had Toxic Niceness. People were trying to help me see the light but I wasn't willing to. Now, I've got his full blown case of Toxic Niceness and years of damage to undo. Plus, I've got major fears that once I become detoxed and my inner bitch starts working properly....I may have to deal with lots of shocked family and friends (that statement in itself shows just how dire my illness is). It will be a long and strange trip but I will forge ahead. Toxic Niceness needs to go. And, while I am at it.....I also want to rid the world of ugly shoes too(that would be so bitchy of me). Oh yeah and I also want world peace.
Here's a "Finding Your Inner Bitch" quote that gets to the heart of it all:
"Your Inner Bitch knows that if you keep on doing the same thing, you'll keep on getting the same result. Toxic Niceness breeds more Toxic Niceness. It's time to move off that one-way street and try a little 'I don't think so.'"
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