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Sunday, March 20, 2011

Whadda ya know? I'm a lady!

I ain't no woman.....

Yesterday, during a bout of much-needed retail therapy, I decided to take a little adventure and visit a store where I haven't been in several years.
It was a sunny day, I had a bit of a break in the action and I figured it was a good time to shop.
Although the stores on my side of town are fine, I was in the mood for something different.
I wanted a treasure hunt.
I wanted to root through piles of stuff and racks of things to find ridiculous bargains.
Sometimes that's what a girl needs to do.
When that craving hits, the only place to go is Gabe's
So, I put on my size 8 cargos, my shiney red shopping shoes and my cooler than cool aviator shades and I headed across town.
Of course, I stopped for my beloved Chai Latte.
It wouldn't be a Saturday if I didn't get a chance to lay my eyes on my hottie neighborhood barrista. And, have my chai fix.
Ahhhh...all was good with the world.

I rolled down the window and let the wind blow back my hair.
Cranked on the rock and roll and snuck a smoke.
I was on a mission.
To fill my car with stuff I didn't need.

After driving many miles---there it was--the mecca of off-price shopping--right where I left it.
Once inside, I was shocked at how much had changed.
At one time, I knew that place like the back of my hand.
But no more.
I was a stranger in a strange land.
A land filled with everything a girl who loves bargains and junk could want.
And, it felt so good. I had arrived.

As I stopped to breath in the aura that only Gabe's can muster, I must have looked as though I was in a trance. Or, confused and lost. Or, something.
"Lookin' fa somethin?" an older gentlemen with several missing teeth asked me, snapping me back to reality.
"Are--ya-- lookin--fa--somethin?" he asked me, as if I were a remedial listener.
He didn't appear to work there.
"Didya lose somebody?" he asked, trying to guess why I was just stopped dead center in the entry way, casting my eyes about the store.
Hmmmmmm......yes, I was looking for something.....but I didn't know what.
So, I looked at him and said the only thing I could think of--- "women's clothing"
He eyed me up once. Then, he eyed me up again.
I was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable.
"Ya ain't no woman!" he half-laughed, half-sniffled.
"No. dat department filled wit the big girls. Ya know what I'm sayin?" he explained as if he were an expert.
"Dats where my gal is now!" he winked at me.
"No. You go right over der in the corner past the earrings and shit. Dat's LADIES clothes. Where the skinny gals go. You a lady. Ya ain't no woman." he told me as he pointed across the store.
"Thank you" I said with a smile as I headed to where the skinny girls go.

So, there you have it.....I am a lady.


Jen from Oregon said...

That's funny! Hope you found some great deals :)

I'm still in the mindset that while shopping in the ladies section someone will come and tap me on the shoulder and point me to the plus section. Grrrr!

Heather said...

Oh that is hilarious! I think I sat next to that guy at the parade yesterday...

Kinzie said...

What a story, love it love it! From one Lady to another. I am not skinny yet, but at least I am no longer a woman.

Lee Ann said...

Hilarious! Did you find some good deals? I've heard that's a good place to get cheap scrubs for work but I usually go the lazy route and order mine on-line. Did you find anything cute or hip? What kind of brands? I've seen the one out in M-ville.

Tina said...

that is too funny! I hope you found lots of stuff you didn't need :)