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Thursday, July 29, 2010


is so sweet......

My shit mom day is over.
All is well in Judiland.

Yes, Toni survived the root canal.
She said it was 2 hours of complete torture.
Thanks to the convenience of texting, I got a blow-by-blow of the agony.
Thank you technology gods.
Guilt can transcend time and space!
I felt pretty shitty about it I sat in my very important all day meeting....
But, I got through it.

Do our kids know how much we suffer?

Thankfully, I survived that mother sufferage......
With the help of texting, I managed to feel a part of her pain!
I hurt me more than it hurt her.
Trust me on this one.....

I might have still been a shit mom.
But, I was a shit mom who told her she was going to the beach.
Once we knew she was going to be okay, I decided she suffered enough.
Yes, I'm sending her South.
In fact, I'm sending both kids South.
Vince just finished a major portion of his dissertation and got some pretty important work published. Yahoo!
And, you all know what Toni has been through. Yikes!
So, I figured it was a fitting reward for both of their different as they both were.

Sadly, I'm staying here.
I'll be tending to my father.
And, to life in Judiland.
That's the sacrifice I am making.
For being a shit mom.

My sisters are heading to Myrtle Beach.
With my kids in tow.
Along with my delicious don diablo sauce, my amazing ultimate margaritas and my trustworthy beach chairs.

Someone has to stay back and do Dad duty.
That someone is me.

So, friends, stay tuned.....
Ten days with my father will surely produce some truly magnificent blog posts.
Or not.
I may never get a chance to BLOG.....he is pretty high maintenance....
Yes, I still have to go to work....that might be my odd as that sounds.
We have arranged for a caretaker to come in and relieve me.
But, believe me when I tell you, it's still gonna be a bit of a challenge.
At the moment, my father is back on his Mel Gibson kick.
He's not too happy with Mel's antics.
He wants everyone behind him on that one.
He does not like Catholics who misbehave in public.
He thinks it looks bad for the rest of us.....
Oh, and lest I forget that he's also working hard to ban the world of any negative rumors about Bing Crosby.
This Bing issue, I really can't figure out.
Except for the fact that he loves White Christmas.....
Even though it all sounds a bit crazy and disconnected, I can guarantee you that there's some very logical basis for all of it.
Trust me on this....
I just haven't figured it out yet.
In any case....I'm very afraid he'll have me wearing a sandwich board and standing outside the grocery store during my off hours to promote his causes.....
So, for anyone in the Pittsburgh sure to look for me....I'll be the girl wearing a sign that says.... Down with Mel, Up with Bing!

Oh.....and.....there's another issue I'll be wrestling with over in the next ten days---my father is trying to see how many Klondike's he can consume behind my sister's back.
My sister is rationing his consumption.
It's for his own good, we all know that.
But, really....the man is 89 and he loves Klondikes.
My sister knows that. But, she has rules.
She might not be the oldest sister. But, she is the mightiest.
My father is pretty sure I will help him in his Klondike quest.
I am sorry to say....he's right about that.
And, the man knows it.
He has been talking about it for weeks.
When he found out he would be in my charge 24-7 for 10 solid days, he began plotting his Klondiking.
I think he's been secretly cutting Klondike coupons and working hard to remember what stores have them on BOGO specials.....
I am a push over for blue-eyed Irish guys.....especially ones named Frank Carr.
So, stay tuned......

I will warn you up much as I subscribe to the idea of weight maintenance and healthy eating........if my father wants 20 Klondikes in one day, my father will get 20 Klondike's in one day.
I'll give them to him.

Be sister might kill me when she returns.
Forgive her.
She means no harm.
Please give her redemption......


Gen said...

So sorry you don't get to go to the beach...But good for you doing the right thing with the Klondike's! Once you hit Dad's age, you should be able to eat nothing but Klondike's all day long! Forget about feeling like a Shit Mom, you are a Saint Daughter!

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

HA. Enjoy your time with your father. Its a gift. And you are right. At 89 he can have all the klondikes he can eat. Make him a klondike cake. (I'll look for the reciepe)

Your father is old and wise. Esp on the Mel and Bing front!!!!!

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...