Reach out and touch......

my friends Courtney and Bob.........

I told Courtney that I have the best blog readers in all the world.
Yes, I brag about you all the time.....
That's why I'm asking for your help.
I know I can count on you.....
I just know it!

Please visit their website, read their story and you tell me if you don't fall in love with them!

They are generous, caring souls who give back to their communities and devote their professional and personal time and energies to supporting the lives of everyone around them. They are a fun, beautiful couple, with quick smiles and giving natures. And, most importantly, they dearly love each other and their families. And, not only that.....they want to share their love with children of their very own. And, I can't think of a better way to make the world a better place than to support them in bringing more beauty and joy to the world!

Unfortunately, Bob's time is very limited. That's why I am here today asking for you to become part of their future.....if you can.

So....here's what I am asking you to ask yourself---are you the person who can help Courtney and Bob?

Even if you can't personally help this wonderful young couple....please take a few moments to get the word out among people you know.
Spread the word!
It's a big, big world out there.....please help them reach every corner of it!
I know you can!!

Love knows no boundaries!
And, neither does my BLOG!!!!

Take a few moments to visit their website, read their story and learn about how you can be a part of their stories from the road....

And, that was July.......

A month filled with beautiful faces and memorable places......




Wine on the porch? Perfect partners for a hot July night!
(honestly, the dress made sense when I put it on that night....not so much in this pix...but, realllly....it is a great dress...a bit funky and fun but great, nonetheless....and it looked good in the mirror...damn my camera!!!)
Oh, and what's July without a little porch sitting....with glass of wine close by????
(yes, you caught me with my contraband smokes....)
And, another new pair of red shiney shoes?
(YES, I did need another pair....I swear!)


Yes, this is what rockin' July in Judiland looks like!
(I'm in a rocking chair...in July.....get it?)

And, it definitely wouldn't be a great July without a girls day out.......with my dear, dear college roomies and our sweet daughters....
(we were channeling Bahama Mamas and yes, I know....these girls are gorgeous!)


Believe me, you'd be checking me into the funny farm if I didn't get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life to get some extra time relaxing with our wonderful kids!
(I take no responsibility for my son's t-shirts.....just sayin'...)

And, as much as it's a shocker.....we got them to dress up for a special night out..TOGETHER! Their smiles make me smile....
(trust me, they looked exactly alike as babies....)


And, how about that little July romp in a quaint little town with my cute fella?
(we find a Starbucks everywhere! Truth be told....if you don't have a Starbuck's, we ain't coming to visit....)
And, let's not forget about that fun night out in Bloomfield NJ with la famiglia....
(everyone else is blurry due to wine....)
Or, that visit to Hoboken to see the Cake Boss.....
(we never got in the place but we didn't want a cake anyway....)
Or that quick lunch in West Orange.....
(yes, I dragged him to another Irish Pub.....)

Or shedding those tears.......
(happens everytime I see a bride with her daddy....)
Or my guy and I dressing up......
(my Leopard print dress with the perfect matching clutch and his pink tie.....we couldn't have planned it.....and we didn't!!!)


Or having the chance to be reminded that love is grand.....
(truly, madly, deeply....and, isn't that cake amazing?)

And, last but not least.....we even did some celebrity stalking in July!
We went on a little book tour with our favorite New Jersey Housewife!!!
How could we not love her? She wrote the book Skinny Italian.....
(if it wasn't for Toni, I would have never known the joy......)

Yes, that was July......

Redemption!

is so sweet......

My shit mom day is over.
All is well in Judiland.

Yes, Toni survived the root canal.
She said it was 2 hours of complete torture.
Thanks to the convenience of texting, I got a blow-by-blow of the agony.
Thank you technology gods.
Guilt can transcend time and space!
I felt pretty shitty about it all....as I sat in my very important all day meeting....
But, I got through it.

Do our kids know how much we suffer?

Thankfully, I survived that mother sufferage......
With the help of texting, I managed to feel a part of her pain!
I swear....it hurt me more than it hurt her.
Trust me on this one.....


I might have still been a shit mom.
But, I was a shit mom who told her she was going to the beach.
Once we knew she was going to be okay, I decided she suffered enough.
Yes, I'm sending her South.
In fact, I'm sending both kids South.
Vince just finished a major portion of his dissertation and got some pretty important work published. Yahoo!
And, you all know what Toni has been through. Yikes!
So, I figured it was a fitting reward for both of their pains....as different as they both were.

Sadly, I'm staying here.
I'll be tending to my father.
And, to life in Judiland.
That's the sacrifice I am making.
For being a shit mom.

My sisters are heading to Myrtle Beach.
With my kids in tow.
Along with my delicious don diablo sauce, my amazing ultimate margaritas and my trustworthy beach chairs.

Someone has to stay back and do Dad duty.
That someone is me.

So, friends, stay tuned.....
Ten days with my father will surely produce some truly magnificent blog posts.
Or not.
I may never get a chance to BLOG.....he is pretty high maintenance....
Yes, I still have to go to work....that might be my salvation....as odd as that sounds.
We have arranged for a caretaker to come in and relieve me.
But, believe me when I tell you, it's still gonna be a bit of a challenge.
At the moment, my father is back on his Mel Gibson kick.
He's not too happy with Mel's antics.
He wants everyone behind him on that one.
He does not like Catholics who misbehave in public.
He thinks it looks bad for the rest of us.....
Oh, and lest I forget that he's also working hard to ban the world of any negative rumors about Bing Crosby.
This Bing issue, I really can't figure out.
Except for the fact that he loves White Christmas.....
Even though it all sounds a bit crazy and disconnected, I can guarantee you that there's some very logical basis for all of it.
Trust me on this....
I just haven't figured it out yet.
In any case....I'm very afraid he'll have me wearing a sandwich board and standing outside the grocery store during my off hours to promote his causes.....
So, for anyone in the Pittsburgh area....be sure to look for me....I'll be the girl wearing a sign that says.... Down with Mel, Up with Bing!

Oh.....and.....there's another issue I'll be wrestling with over in the next ten days---my father is trying to see how many Klondike's he can consume behind my sister's back.
My sister is rationing his consumption.
It's for his own good, we all know that.
But, really....the man is 89 and he loves Klondikes.
My sister knows that. But, she has rules.
She might not be the oldest sister. But, she is the mightiest.
My father is pretty sure I will help him in his Klondike quest.
I am sorry to say....he's right about that.
And, the man knows it.
He has been talking about it for weeks.
When he found out he would be in my charge 24-7 for 10 solid days, he began plotting his Klondiking.
I think he's been secretly cutting Klondike coupons and working hard to remember what stores have them on BOGO specials.....
I am a push over for blue-eyed Irish guys.....especially ones named Frank Carr.
So, stay tuned......

I will warn you up front....as much as I subscribe to the idea of weight maintenance and healthy eating........if my father wants 20 Klondikes in one day, my father will get 20 Klondike's in one day.
I'll give them to him.
Sorry.

Be forewarned.....my sister might kill me when she returns.
Forgive her.
She means no harm.
Please give her redemption......

Thinking positively today........

Toni is having a root canal today.
I can't be there.
Because I have this job, ya know.
And, it's a big day in Jobland.
I'm feeling like a shit mother.
But, of course, it's not about me.
It's about Toni.
But, for this precise moment in time, it's gonna be about me and my issues.
And, my issue is--I feel like I am a shit mother.
Oh, and I'd love a margarita.
And a smoke.
If I'm gonna be a shit mother, I might as well be a really shit mother.
One that drinks and smokes before 5 am and who goes to work instead of being with her child when she is enduring pain and misery.
Oh, I'm such a shit mother.

Okay, now it can be about Toni.
Please send painkiller vibes.....

Skinny Italians eat real food......

Questa è la verità!


Italians are known for their food.
Don't bother to argue the point.
You'll never win with an Italian cook.
As far as Italian cooks are concerned--food is love and love is food.
Period, that's it.

I had the good fortune to be raised by an Italian cook for fourteen years.
After that, I was blessed with a family filled with Italian cooks to keep that tradition going.
And, those Italian cooks were not going to let a little thing like me being 1/2 Irish and motherless stop them from turning me into an Italian cook too.
So, my Italian cooking lessons began......at the ripe old age of 14.
My aunts saw to that.
They put on their aprons and made it their business to educate me in the fine art of putting a proper Italian meal on the table weeknights at 5 pm and Sundays at 2pm.
Within weeks, I knew my way around a good Italian deli.
I was very well versed on mozarella, romano and paremesean.
I knew NOT to buy the stuff in a green cardboard container.
I grated off quite a few knuckles getting my cheeses just right.
But, I was young--my skin grew back.
And, I knew all about the magic of olive oil and garlic.
I understood the beauty of imported pasta and fresh basil.
And, I was completely aware of just how long to cook pasta to make sure it was aldente.
By my 15th birthday, I could roll a delicious meatball, whip up a frittata and make a superb pizza.
By the time I was 16, I had mastered lasagna and ravioli.
By 17, I could roll a beautiful braciaole and thumb punch a few hundred gnocchi in no time flat.
And, if I didn't have to break for four years of college, I'm sure I could have rivaled my aunts' manicotti and home made bread within a few months.
But, my real education had to begin.
So, I left behind my pots and pans for pencils and books and cafeteria food.
It was sometime during those years that I lost all sense of my Italian cooking education and embarked on years of eating bad food.
And dieting.
Somehow I thought that all that good Italian food is what made me fat.
When in reality--I wasn't cooking or eating all that good Italian food.
I was eating shit.
Well, not literally.
Literally--I was eating diet food.
Any food that promised to take the weight off of me and keep it off of me is what I was eating.
Over processed, chemically-enhanced, fake food.
And, when I wasn't eating diet food....I was eating everything but good food.
I lost all sense of what I was taught.
I might have been awarded a college degree for my book smarts.
But, I lost my kitchen common sense.
Somewhere along the line after I got married--I did manage to regain my Italian cooking skills.
But, I never lost my devotion to eating diet food......the bastardized version of good food.
Well, you know the rest of that story.
No need to retell it.

Interestingly....what my aunts taught me at the age of 14 and what I knew to be gospel at that time....came back to me by the way of none other than a New Jersey Housewife.
To be more precise--a Real Housewife of New Jersey.
Say what you will about my favorite New Jersey housewife--the table-flipping, big-spending, hot head who coined the phrase prostitution whore--Teresa Guidice-- but when she asked this question....How can something be nothing?---in reference to a zero calorie salad dressing--she got my attention.
And, she didn't have to flip a table to do it!
What Teresa was saying--at least the way I see it--is that there has to be something in that salad dressing---what is it?
My guess is that I don't want to know.
That one question got me to thinking.
Why can't we just eat real food?
Good food made from real stuff.
Like olive oil.
I mean--what the hell is wrong with olive oil?
It's made from olives. And, we know what olives are!
Further--why would I eat a frozen low calorie meal when I could eat fresh, tastey veggies spritzed with fresh lemon?
I mean, at least I know what broccoli, asparagus and lemons are. Right?
I have no idea what disodium inosinate and mono and diglycerides are.
They don't even sound good.
Where do they grow those? Are they plants or animals?
And, for the record--what is a Canola?
As in---canola oil?
Again....Teresa set me straight on that too.
There is no such thing as a canola anything.
It's not a plant, it's not a fruit, it's not a vegtable.
It's a made up word---the combination of Canada and oil.
Canola oil was invented by a group of Canadian scientists.
And, "they" say Canola oil is better for you!
We all know what scientists do when they experiment---think plastic....
They play with chemicals. Don't they?
Thank you once again, Teresa.

Now, I am by no means trying to sell you Teresa's book--Skinny Italian.
And, I am by no means trying to tell you that she is a saint or a role model.
But, the girl has a point.
And, she definitely can fit into her skinny jeans....after 4 kids.
So, if for no other reasons than those two--Toni and I traveled 7 hours and waited an additional 4 hours in line--to chat with her and have her sign our book.

Well, we didn't really travel 7 hours just to see her--we were already there in the great state of New Jersey....we just traveled an additional hour or so to get to the Barnes and Noble where she was having her book signing.
And, we weren't the only ones.
Over 600 others were there to see her too.
Toni and I were numbers 251 and 252.
We had a great time spending 4 hours getting to know numbers 245 through 255.
And, when we finally met Teresa.....she kissed us.
Now, let me tell you, she didn't kiss anyone else.
I have no idea why she chose us.
At least we know the girl has good taste.
And, we know she can fit into her skinny jeans.
And, she was rockin' some amazing Louboutin shoes.
That was enough for me.

From now on--real food.
Italian style.

As Teresa would say---FABULOUS!

I have special needs.......

especially on a Monday morning when I'm running very late, I am out of chai, I'm longing for my beach vacation, I don't have a pair of underwear that fit and one of my artificial nails just got caught in the garbage disposal.
Yeah, don't ask......
Let's just pretend this morning didn't happen.......

If you can't stand the heat.......

get the hell out of the kitchen!

I haven't cooked a blessed thing all weekend.
I'm feeling a little guilty.
So, this morning, I ran out to get some grill worthy seafood and veggies.
Since then, I've been poking around in the kitchen to come up with a menu that would fool me into believing I'm on a beach vacation.
I'd love to have you all join me on my beach vacation dinner......the more the merrier.
Shoes optional......

Gin Gimlets
(we will sip these as we watch the waves hit the sand)
Jigger of Tanqueray gin
1 oz Rose's lime juice
1 twist lime
Put in martini shaker with ice.....shake, shake, shake

Trader Joe's Mediterranean Hummus
with Trader Joe pretzel chips

Recipe: Go to Trader Joe's and buy it!
Yum.....will go great with those gin gimlets!
Do you feel the breeze of the ocean???

Wine Choice for dinner:
MezzaCorona Pinot Grigio

Tuscan Grilled Tuna Steaks
4 fresh tuna steaks, 8 ounces each, 1-inch thick
1 lemon, zested
3 sprigs fresh rosemary, about 2 tablespoons leaves stripped from stem
Handful flat leaf parsley
3 cloves garlic, crushed
Coarse salt and black pepper or grill seasoningExtra-virgin olive oil, for cooking

Rinse and pat tuna steaks dry. Place zest on top of cutting board. Pile rosemary and parsley leaves on top of zest. Pile garlic and some coarse salt and black pepper or grill seasoning on top of herbs. Finely chop the garlic, herbs, and spices. Drizzle the olive oil over the tuna steaks just enough to coat each side. Rub herb and garlic mixture into fish, coating pieces evenly on each side. Let stand 10 minutes.

Grill tuna steaks 6 minutes on each side .

Grilled Veggies

Cut up: Red peppers, zucchini and onions, place them in a zip lock bag, pour your favorite bottled balsamic vinegarette dressing over them. Marinate for 15 minutes to an hour or so. Throw them on the grill--let them cook for about 10 minutes, let them rest on plate while you are cooking the tuna steaks. Before serving, sprinkle with crumbled feta or goat cheese.

Grilled Corn on the Cob with Romano Butter

Leaving the corn in their jackets, just take off the loose pieces and hanging silk. Spritz them with salted water. Put on the grill for about 10 minutes. Take them off, wrap in aluminum foil and let them sit on the part of the grill that is least hot until ready to serve. A few minutes before serving, take off foil and husks. (you might want to ask someone else to do this, it can get kinda hot....LOL!)

Romano Butter:

Mix: Softened butter, handful of Romano cheese, a little olive oil, chopped basil together. Serve with corn on the cob

Trader Joe's Italian Tiramisu Gelato

Topped with a splash of Franjelico Hazlenut Liquer

Bon Apetito!

And the heat goes on......

and on and on and on and on......

Is this Global Warming?
Okay, I believe in it Mr. Gore.
No need to press the matter.

You're messing with my underwear at the moment.
And, I don't take too kindly to that!
Believe me, I'll not soon forget this Mr. Gore.....think about that in 2012!!!!

There's a bit of a heat wave here in Judiland.
We've got lots of sweating going on.
Yes, my underwear are getting kinda gucky....
I'm not too happy about it.
I mean...who wants their leopard print gutchies to feel like that?

We're breaking records.....it's HOT..... morning, noon and night.
Remember all those prayers we said in February when the snow was piled up to here?
Yeah, well, God heard us.
The good Lord is rewarding us for living through one of the worse winters in history.
He's giving us a good dose of heat and humidity.
Thank you God.
I'm so glad You heard us.
Oh, I knew You would.
But, here's the thing.....and it's not that I want to seem ungrateful or anything....
But, seriously....did You really have to turn on the heat so high?

It's not that I am miserable or cranky or anything.....
But, the folks I live with are getting a little out of hand.
The heat is getting to them and they are getting a little droopy and bitchy and not-so-nice.
Yes, I'm cranking up the air as far as it can go.
So much so that the electric company is sending us Thank You notes.
That's never a good thing.

The issue at this precise moment is....I'm a porch sitter.
But, it ain't working out too well.
Sure, I have a porch ceiling fan.
But, the truth of the matter is....it's not doing it for me.
That damn fan is twirling and spinning but it's still hotter than a witch's tit.
I have no idea if a witch's tit is hot or not but for the purposes of this blog entry...just go with me on this one.
To continue...
I like to sit on my porch in the early morning hours and drink my tea.
My hot chai tea.
It's where I go and what I do to escape the overheated, droopy and bitchy and not-so-nice people I live with.
But, this morning....things are not going well.
I'd rather rub ice cubes all over my naked body instead.
Allllllllllll over my body.
But, I'd pretty sure my neighbors aren't ready for that.
Or, are they???

Okay, then, I'll leave you with that visual.
Happy Saturday!!!

Can you believe it's July 23rd?

Not that I expected you to remember.....but, as of today.......I'm now 51 and 1/2 years old.
No need to run out and buy cards or gifts or send me special wishes.

I'm just sayin'.....for the record, I am 51 and a 1/2 years old.
As of today.

Thankfully, my mental capacity is still in tact.....the alzheimers has not set in.
At the very least--I know what day it is.
That's a good thing.
And, not only do I know what day it is.....I know the exact date.
Plus, my simple math skills are still working.....that's how I knew about the 1/2 year age.
Yes, I'm batting a thousand here.

When I got up this morning, did I think....."yeah, it's Friday!"?
No, I thought...."Holy shit, I'm 51 and 1/ years old!"
Yes, that's what I thought.
What does it mean when you wake up on a Friday and think more about your age than the fact that the weekend is almost here?

Any thoughts on that?

Ah, who gives a shit. Right?

Not me!
I have no plans to try to figure it out.
I've got bigger issues.
Because no sooner did I realize that I am now 51 and 1/2 years old, I ran straight to the mirror, pressed my nose against it, looked deep into my blue eyes and asked.....
"yes, but, do I look like I'm 51 and a 1/2 years old?"

What the hell does a 51 and a 1/2 year old look like anyway?

Does she look like this?

Oh, what the hell....it's Friday.
Let's just get on with it.....

Happy Friday from this 51 and 1/2 year old to you!

Hey beach! Are you missing me this year?

This is the first year in a very, very, very long stretch of years that we are not making our annual trek to the beach.......
Typically, we are there right now......
But, we aren't
And, as much as I keep telling myself that it's okay,
I'm starting to think it isn't.
Even though, at this point, it's gotta be okay.
Because we aren't going to the beach.
And that's final.

We just got back from a lovely, fun-filled time in New Jersey.
We enjoyed family time, ate some fabulous food, drank some luscious wines, had a lot of laughs, danced and frolicked and even did some celebrity stalking.
But, no beach.

And, over the past year, we have done our share of quick jaunts and road trips.
Little towns, quaint restaurants, wineries, adorable shops.
Big cities, beautiful views, amazing foods, tantalizing drinks.
But, no beach.

Perhaps I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself this morning.
I'm sure I'll get over it.
I keep telling myself......"Judi, it's okay. At least you don't have to worry about bathing suits."
It's not working this morning.
I just keep thinking of that lonely beach.....waiting for me.
And I never come.

Back with Stories from the Road.......

I took to the open road......in these yummy shiney lace-ups....

I hung out with my two delightful children......
(who clearly have very different tastes in footwear)

I relaxed a little......in these amazingly sporty, fun and very comfy slip-ons.....


Then, I put on the glam in these strappy, blingy stihlettos......


It was a sole-ful journey.......

And, yes, I missed you, my blog friends......

Break time!

Yes, friends, I'm taking a little blogging break.
Not a long one.
Just a teeny one.

There's much going on here in Judiland---from absessed teeth to nurse mom-ing to working on healing vibes to praying that blisters and fevers and pain go away to crossing fingers that we can get on with what needs getting on with in the next few days.....

Yes, there's lots to do and lots of things that need to happen.
Lots of important stuff.
Like healing Toni and getting to the great state of New Jersey.....so we can get to the church on time!
Yes, we've got a family wedding waiting for us.
All we're waiting for is Toni....and that nasty infection and everything it brought with it to go away. Far, far away.
Lesson learned.....never underestimate the power of your teeth.
When your teeth decide they want to go bad, they do it with a vengance.
An unrelentless, bitchy vengance.
So, next time you reach for that gooey carmel candy bar....think twice.
And.....make friends with your dentist.
Hell, at this point....my advice is---marry a goddam dentist. The hell with friendship.

But, before anything else happens.....all energies and thoughts and time need to be spent on moving mountains, making miracles and turning water into wine.

And, to be perfectly honest---I'm exhausted.
Completely and utterly exhausted.
From the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
And, that's no way to blog.....
You deserve so much more.

Before I go and in the spirit of what my blog is all about---I will say this....thank God I am not obese or fat or disgusted with the state of my weight anymore.
It makes getting through these tiring times so much easier.
115 pounds ago I wouldn't have been able to move mountains.
Well, I would have been able to move mountains....because that's what us women do.
But, I'll tell you this much--115 pounds ago, after I would have moved that mountain, I would have eaten another mountain.
You know what I mean?
I'd be adding another mountain of fat to my already mountainous belly.
So, even though I am exhausted, I am thankful.
Thankfully exhausted but thankful nonetheless.
Thank you Lapband.

So, friends.....stay put, stay well and be sure to check back next week.
That's when we will continue traveling this road together.
Until then.....
Roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair.

The abcess guy brought friends and sent us back to the scene of the crime.....

It's been a heckuva time here in Judiland.
In my last two posts, I talked about two things.....
*Toni's abcessed tooth
*Toni's birthday

Well, those worlds collided.
Right here in my little suburban hamlet.
And, it hasn't been pretty....no, no, not at all....
In fact, it's been ugly.
There's puss.
Yes, you heard me--puss.
Big, ugly sacks of puss.
Definitely not a visual anyone wants to hear about....
Sorry guys.
But, I just had to explain where I've been.....
My story had to be good.
Worthy of being AWOL from my blog.
And ugly.
Which it is.

So, what the hell am I talking about?

Although Toni looks doesn't look like she is suffering in her birthday luncheon picture.....I am here to tell you that yes she was.
But, she had tickets to see Dave Matthews.
And her lovely, sweet friends were here.
And, it was her birthday.
She had no intentions of being a party pooper.
And, she had new shoes.
My girl is definitely her mother's daughter.....

Yes, the tooth abcess that arrived just in time for Toni's birthday has now become a scarey, miserable, torturous, nightmare.
No birthday cake here.
No candles either.
All we have are fevers, pain, lots of infection, big blisters all over and did I mention.....pain?

One stinking little tooth managed to send big waves of infection throughout Toni's mouth, throat, ears, tongue......oh you name it....it's infected.
Thankfully, they think it's localized to that area.
But, we're still checking on that.
Thankfully, the quick thinking of the doctor lessened the danger of what could have happened next....


So, as my little girl laid in the emergency room yesterday.....looking so small and sad in the white bed, the nurse rattled off questions....
"Has she ever been in this hospital before?"
"Yes, 19 years ago at this very minute, she was here," I told her.
She looked a bit puzzled.
"She was born here on July 10, 1991. We were here until July 13."

Yes, we were back to where it all started.....hoping for a much better tomorrow (which is today).

Blogging in real time as it happens.......the Toni's birthday edition!

Here's what's happening right now at my house. I mean, it is happening right this very minute.....as I type this.....
Yep, that's my gorgeous little birthday girl.....our All-American Princess......the girl who brings so much joy and love to my life......enjoying a little pre-Dave Matthews concert luncheon with her gal pals.....



And, here's Toni's beautiful and sweet gal pals.....l-r--Meredith, Tori, Toni, Hilary, Brittany!


Ah, to be so young!
It's a wonderful thing!

Happy Birthday to my gorgeous Toni!
Thank you for these 19 wonderful, sweet years....
you have made every day so amazing in every way.
I have so much to look forward to......because of you!

P.S. to Toni--say goodbye to your teens, baby.....
P.S. to Toni's gal pals......thanks for making my girl smile! love ya!

Mission Control: We've got an absess here......

I'm never going to play dentist again.
I'm turning in my mom-dental license.
Right now.
When it comes to matters of teeth--I am going to stick to being the tooth fairy.



Poor Toni.
She's been suffering.
What I thought were some wicked wisdom teeth coming in have proven to be an absessed tooth.


Yes, it's been a rough few days.
There's been pain.
And tears.
And fever.
And up-all-nighters.

Poor Toni.

Thankfully, there are now drugs.
Hopefully those drugs kick in!!

I can't just stand by and watch my sweet girl in such agony.
It's breaking my heart.
It's messing with my beauty sleep.
And it's doing a number on my manicure.

And...if an absessed tooth in the middle of a historic heat wave isn't bad enough--get this....tomorrow is her birthday.
Just because she caused me many hours of excruciating pain on July 9-10, 1991 doesn't mean I wish the same on her 19 years later.

But, what might even be more catastrophic than all of this absessed tooth pain....
Today is our annual mother-daughter-Toni-birthdaypolooza.....
We've never missed one.
We can't start now.

Please dear Lord, let those drugs kick in for Toni just like they kicked in for me 19 years ago when they cut open my stomach with a big, sharp scaple and dug her out of my womb with a huge pair of pliers.....

I think you heard me the first time......and the second time and the third time and the hundreth time.....

but I don't mind saying it again.....I love my Lapband!!


























I think it's time for a little refresher on how damn smart I am.
Yeah. Me. I'm smart!

Honestly, sometimes, all of us need to take some extra time to reflect on how awesome some of our decisions are!
Plus, we have to sit back and celebrate the good things those smart decisions did for our lives!

Let's just forget about those less-than-smart decisions for the moment. Okay?

Decision points really do make or break us.
Don't they?
They send us off in one direction or another and impact everything.....
Ain't I right?

Think about it.

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you made just one tiny decision differently?
What if you didn't go to that party and you didn't meet that fun guy?
What if you didn't major in English? Or Engineering? Or Art? Or Philosophy?
How would your life be different if you bought the red shoes instead of the black ones?
I mean, really.....it seems to me that the insignificant and the humungous decisions are somehow equal in how they take us down paths....
Take my Lapband decision as an example.
Honestly, honestly......I made that decision in a split second.
I was getting ready for a party.
Nothing fit me.
The commercial came on the TV.
Bingo.
There it was.
My answer.
As I know I've told you many times---at that moment, I didn't really think I'd have the surgery.
It was just the catalyst to help me get dressed and go to the party instead of calling the hostess and saying I was sick.
But, let's just say I didn't see that commercial and didn't decide to make Lapband part of my plan to help me get out the door.
Well, then, I wouldn't have went to the party.
I would have thrown myself on top of the huge pile of too-tight clothes that were laying on my bed.
And, there I would have stayed.
But, because I faked myself out into thinking I had a plan to someday lose the weight, I was encouraged enough to wrap myself in something and go to the party.
And, it was there, in a wine-infused state of bravery that I announced to my two spirited friends that I was having the surgery.
Just think....if I would have turned down that last glass of wine.
I might have never even thought of telling them that.
And, if I wouldn't have told them I was doing it, I wouldn't have felt compelled to follow through on really doing it.
Did you follow that?

Yes, it was one good decision after another that night.

And, now here I sit.....115 pounds lighter.
All because of clothes that didn't fit, a TV commercial that got me out the door, a few glasses of wine and my desire to stay true to an announcement I made to my friends.
Well, we all know it's more complex than that....
But, on top of that depth and complexity--it comes down to one thing.
I made a decision.
It changed my life.

In wine there is truth.
And it makes me smarter.

Mid-week in my midlife crisis.......

and it's in the mid-90's......
Which translates into me being a tired, hot, cougar.....

Alright, alright.....2 of out 3 ain't bad.
I'm tired and hot..
A cougar I'm not


Listen, I don't get this cougar thing.
According to an online source.....a cougar is a middle-aged woman who preys upon men young enough to be her son......
The visual alone is not very pleasing.
My son?
He throws his socks on the floor.
And he likes to play video games for hours on end.
He drinks beer.
He considers boxed wine top shelf.
Plus, he needs fed every few hours when he's in my presence.
Why would I prey on a man like that?
Even if he is cute, smart and oh so funny.

This cougar thing is just not for me.
It's way too much work.
With not much in return.
At this stage of my life....I would prefer to put in little to no effort and get lots in return.
Because I am worth it.

The way I see it....
Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

My stomping days are over.
I just want a good wine with my dinner.
Preferably one that's been aged to perfection.....
And, if it comes with added benefits....yippee.
If not, just give me another glass of wine and the option to meet my girlfriends after dinner.
This is my midlife.
It works for me.

So, no need to lock up your sons.
Unless of course, they are looking to be hired out as laundry and lawn boys.....

I'm way too busy, way too tired and just too damn hot.
It's either delirium.
Or menopause.
Take your pick.


On with Wednesday.....

Tweet, tweet, tweet......

Tweedily deedily dee, Tweedily deedily dee,
Tweedily deedily dee, Tweedily deedily dee,
Tweedily deedily dee, Tweedily deedily dee,
Tweedily deedily dee, Tweedily deedily dee,
Tweet, tweet, tweet tweet .......


Is that what they mean by.....follow me on twitter?

This pretty little raven gotta catch up......
'cause I'm still....
rockin' in the tree tops all day long.....
After all, I had four days off.....
So yeah.....I'm rockin......'
Aren't you?

She wore red shoe laces.......

and she told me that I should tell you all about it.

My lovely, smart, sassy, hot, sweet-talkin,' rockin', cute-as-a-button, who-wore-white, shoeless newlywed friend.....
Prof H.....yeah.....the girl in the rockin'-omg-I-love-'em red shades.....she wore red shoe laces.... yes, she did.....


Visit her......she will put red shoe laces in your shoes.......

Shoes always make it legal.
(yeah, it's an inside joke...but, you get it...don't you?)

That is how songs are written, stories are told, rumors are started......
(Stevie Nicks, Rock A Little)

Are you a broad stripe or a bright star in this perilous fight?

Are your ramparts gallantly streaming? Are your rockets red glare or are they bursting in air?

Isn't it amazing how every important song ever written is about the battle of self image and weight loss?

Don't believe me......

How about this one.....
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground, you end up like a dog that's been beat too much 'til you spend half your life just covering up....

Or this one......
How can people be so heartless? How can people be so cruel? Easy to be proud, easy to say no. Easy to be cold, easy to say no. Come on, easy to give in, easy to say no

Not enough to prove my point.....try this one on for size.....
And you feel the eyes upon you as you're shakin' off the cold. You pretend it doesn't bother you but you just want to explode

Well, if that doesn't convince you.....this one surely will.....
She's a brick house. The lady's stacked and that's a fact, ain't holding nothing back. She's a brick house She's the one, the only one, who's built like a amazon

Still don't get my drift?
Then think about this one for awhile....
With a boulder on my shoulder feelin' kinda older I tripped the merry-go-round
With this very unpleasing sneezing and wheezing the calliope crashed to the ground

Now do you believe me?
Alrighty then.....it's time to stop the battle.
Declare your independence from making everything in your life about that battle.
Starting today.....remember.....God shed His grace on thee.

Lyrics......they can say whatever you want them to say.
I mean....I convinced you in those first few paragraphs....didn't I?
Come on....didn't I????

Yes, lyrics are powerful.
And, when they put those words to music?
It makes you want to grab that hair brush and sing along.....in front of your mirror....as you strum your air guitar.
Music will let you be anyone you want to be and say anything you want to say.
With each word and each note---you're talking about what's going on in your life.
You're figuring out that part of you you just can't figure out or you're traveling outside your little world to touch a wondorous universe that you only dreamed about or you're exploring that piece of you that lays silent in your everyday life.
You're making their words fit your life.

Oh come on....admit it.....you know I'm right.
So, now that you know.
Let the words empower you.
Say you will.....



I'm rockin' in the USA today......giving thanks to the songwriters, the poets and the rocker-philosophers who sooth my soul.....and who give me something else to do with my hair brush.

The fireworks are going to be hailin' over my little suburban hamlet tonight.......
May they be doing the same in yours.
With each bright light you see in the sky and each boom you hear.....may you find a reason to believe.
In the power of music and lyrics.

Happy Fourth of July!
Rock On!

As you light your grills and flip your burgers.....

Please join me in remembering this firecracker of a thought.......

Some of life's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

How about that?

Light your fires! Wet your whistles!

It's time to kick off your holiday weekend........
Let the fireworks begin....

Here you go.....something to get you started!
A perfect summer menu--recipes included--from me to you....

Peached and Whiskied Iced Tea
the perfect summer cocktail!

• 1 quart cold water
• 6 black tea bags
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 cups peach nectar
• Your favorite whiskey (recommended: Jack Daniels)
• Fresh peach slices, for garnish
• Mint sprigs, for garnish

Bring water to a boil in a small saucepan; remove from the heat, add tea bags, and let steep 5 minutes. Remove tea bags and stir in sugar until dissolved. Transfer to a pitcher, add peach nectar, and stir to combine. Chill in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour.

Fill tall glasses with ice and then pour peach tea over, leaving some room at the top for the whiskey. Stir in 1 shot of whiskey to each glass and garnish with a peach slice and fresh mint sprig.

Seafood Nachos
SOOOOOO good....

• 1 large (16-ounce) bag corn tortilla chips
• 2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar
• 2 cups shredded Pepper Jack cheese
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 8 ounces lump crabmeat, picked clean of shells, chopped
• 1/2 pound cooked and tails removed, chopped
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 2 cups grated Parmesan
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Toppings:
  
• 1 cup shredded iceberg
  
• 1 cup chunky salsa
  
• pickled jalapeno slices
  
• Sour cream
  

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

In a large baking pan or cast iron pan place a layer of the tortilla chips and cover with the shredded Cheddar and Pepper Jack cheeses. Bake the chips for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the cheeses are melted. Remove the dish from the oven and set aside.

In a large saute pan over medium-high heat, melt the butter and saute the garlic until soft. Add the seafood and saute for 3 minutes.

Add the cream, garlic powder, Parmesan, salt and pepper, to taste, to the seafood and stir for 2 to 3 minutes, until the sauce has thickened.

Remove the seafood mixture from the heat and pour over the tortilla chips. Top the nachos with shredded lettuce, pico de gallo, jalapenos, and a large dollop of sour cream. Serve immediately.

Grilled Fruit Kabobs

Yummmmmy!

• 3/4 cup pineapple juice
• 1/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 2 cups fresh pineapple chunks
• 16 fresh cherries (about 4 ounces)
• 2 peaches, cut into wedges
• 1 large banana, cut into chunks
• Cream cheese, softened
• Gingersnaps

Combine first 3 ingredients in a shallow dish.

Thread fruit on skewers, and place in juice mixture. Cover and chill 30 minutes.

Remove kabobs from marinade.

Grill, covered with grill lid, over low heat (under 300°) 3 minutes on each side or until lightly browned. Serve with cream cheese and gingersnaps.

Now, sit back and watch the FIREWORKS.....

Good Morning July.......

I'm counting on you!

....and, you can count on me!