Before anyone goes out and orders me a straight jacket or sends me a bar of soap to wash my mouth out, hold on. I am pretty sure I can feel myself emerging from my midwinter mania. And, I am almost positive that my cussing streak is coming to a halt. And, most importantly, I think my weather-induced misery is subsiding. My day was relatively uneventful---no meetings, no snow, no fit and trim neighbors lurking in my driveway and no food-related fantasies. Nothing to continue to fuel my rantings and ravings. By this weekend, my overactive potty mouth and grand delusions of gorging and guzzling should be history. I'll just be back to my typical antics---a little swearing here, a little swearing there, a little food craving here and a little food craving there. A glass of wine here, a martini there. Lusting for shoes here, drinking chai lattes there. Business as usual in Judiland.
If nothing else, this cranky episode has taught me the same lesson I have had to face so many times during my journey.......loosing weight does not change everything, it does not insure love, peace and happiness and it doesn't solve every problem--big or small. I'm a slow learner in this regard. Years of believing that the perfect world waited for me beyond all of the excess pounds have conditioned me to have this outlook. No wonder I still haven't figured it out 100%. It is going to take awhile for it to sink in. For many years, I lived in a world where loosing weight was out of my reach. And, as I struggled with my weight and fought with those pounds, life---with all of it's ups and downs---kept moving on. In my mind, I always believed that if only I could take the weight off, I'd have one less thing to drag me down---one less thing to deal with. And, then everything else would fall into place. Everything. All because I lost weight. My life would be perfect. Or at least close to it. But, each time things go a little haywire---whether it's a bad hair day, a school delay when I have to be at a meeting, a construction detour on the way to work or a pile of dishes in the sink for the fourth day in a row---I'm reminded that my weight was never the reason for THOSE problems and it won't be what makes them go away. And, loosing weight does not make me super human or perfect or indestructible. It just makes me weigh less. It changes my pants size. It doesn't stop the rain. Finding that out hasn't been easy. But, I'm coming around.......
If nothing else, this cranky episode has taught me the same lesson I have had to face so many times during my journey.......loosing weight does not change everything, it does not insure love, peace and happiness and it doesn't solve every problem--big or small. I'm a slow learner in this regard. Years of believing that the perfect world waited for me beyond all of the excess pounds have conditioned me to have this outlook. No wonder I still haven't figured it out 100%. It is going to take awhile for it to sink in. For many years, I lived in a world where loosing weight was out of my reach. And, as I struggled with my weight and fought with those pounds, life---with all of it's ups and downs---kept moving on. In my mind, I always believed that if only I could take the weight off, I'd have one less thing to drag me down---one less thing to deal with. And, then everything else would fall into place. Everything. All because I lost weight. My life would be perfect. Or at least close to it. But, each time things go a little haywire---whether it's a bad hair day, a school delay when I have to be at a meeting, a construction detour on the way to work or a pile of dishes in the sink for the fourth day in a row---I'm reminded that my weight was never the reason for THOSE problems and it won't be what makes them go away. And, loosing weight does not make me super human or perfect or indestructible. It just makes me weigh less. It changes my pants size. It doesn't stop the rain. Finding that out hasn't been easy. But, I'm coming around.......
1 comment:
Touché Judi!
Gerry
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