Take me away Jergens........

I won't lie---I used to believe you can't be too tan, too rich or too thin. Now I know better. When you reach 50--being too thin and too tan are very bad looks.
Case in point.....our friend Donatella....

Being too rich--on the other hand--would be just fine. Although....as evidenced in the pix above...even being rich can't make you beautiful....
So, I'm not going for the Donatella Versace look.
Yet, I still like a sun kissed tan. A little color to the skin looks good. It looks healthy--even though I know it's not! But, I swear it makes you look thinner. And, it makes you feel better. Or, is that just me? Humor me, please. Because I've done it all in my quest for getting a tan. You could say my quest for being tan is similar to my quest for being thin. Been there. Done that. All of it! Perhaps I'm more vain that I care to admit.
Yep, I'm a sun goddess from way back....
For starters--I spent every childhood summer at Dormont Pool. From the minute the doors opened until it was time for dinner and then I went back again. It helped that I lived on the same street as the pool. No one ever worried about sun screen or sun burn. Sunburn was a rite of summer. My mother even believed that getting alot of sun over the summer protected us from getting colds in the winter. Or, maybe that was just her excuse for shuttling us off everyday during summer vacation to the pool. Who knows! But, from the looks of the place--every mother in Dormont did that! Believe me, from May to early June--that place was filled with red bodied kids. By Labor Day, we sported sun-dyed hair, bright white buts and copper-hued bodies. Little did we know we were returning to school sun damaged!
Then, when my friend Debbie Dean got a sun lamp--we got to sun ourselves in the privacy of her bedroom--all year long. And the closer you sat--the better it was....because the tanner you got. What a happy invention that was. Sure we got our share of nasty burns but hey, it also promised to zap zits. Talk about a plug-in beauty machine!
My tanning past has also included laying on a bed of tin foil drenched in iodine tinged baby oil on a tar roof. I was young...what can I say? But, I spent an entire summer doing that--me and my college roomies. We'd spend the mornings going to class, our lunch hours floating in inner tubes on the Monongahela River and then the rest of the afternoon on our roof sunning and smoking. Then, we'd go to work. We scheduled our classes and our jobs in order to maintain that grueling tanning routine and our brown bodies.
And, let's not forget about how much I love beaches and sun worshipping. Even to this day! Sitting in a beach chair watching the waves, reading a trashy novel or a decorating mag with a drink in hand is my idea of heaven. But, living in Pittsburgh and holding down a full time job doesn't allow for many of those moments. But, the beach chair is still one of my fav places to be--2 weeks out of the year. Sure, these days I do douse myself with high numbered lotions. But, if truth be told--I still work on my tan....for those 2 weeks. Bad girl!!!
And, yes, I love tanning beds. I like the idea of efficiency when it comes to getting that sun drenched look without spending hours doing it. And, I just adore laying in a capsule where no one can bother me--it's just me and the light bulbs. I don't even put on the head phones. As far as I am concerned--it's stress therapy. But, because I love it so much--I need to keep my distance. I'd definitely end up looking like Donatella since I need so much stress therapy!
And, oh yeah, I've done the spraying tanning booths. Go out to lunch and come back orange. What a strange experience! Entirely too much work and a bit of a creepy feeling. I am positive the owner of the little place near my office had 2 way mirrors installed just to watch us. Although I can't imagine it was all that alluring--a nude woman with a shower cap, the bottom of her feet covered in some goofy white tape with shots of colored goop shooting at her as she counts to 5 in each position!
And, oh yeah, I did go and have tanner applied by a professional. Sort of like a spa treatment/massage all in one. It was relaxing and rejuvinating but pricey. Plus, when I went to pick Toni up at school afterwards, she said I looked scarey. By the time I got home and looked in the mirror, I had to agree. My professional tan technician had a bit of a heavy hand...
And, just in case you think I didn't try to be economical--I have a tanning spray gun of my very own. My friend Patty convinced me that we needed one. So, we found one on the internet, pitched in to buy it and all the refills and then went about spraying each other in my shower stall. A few glasses of wine--to give us the courage to bare all with each other--and an hour later-- I ended up with striped legs and an orange shower stall. Not to mention giving Patty some pretty nasty visuals of my not-so-taut bod. As far as I'm concerned....once my tanning efforts give me housework, I'm done with it. I love a tan but I hate scrubbing. I have my limits.

Now, as we inch our way to Spring...I really am ready for a tan. The feeling has been creeping up on me for a few weeks now. Last week, one of my spirited friends--Angela--called me just to report that she went to the tanning bed. She knew I'd be oh so jealous. And I was. Ah, the thought of being locked away with only the heat of the light bulbs to keep me company--all the while knowing I'd emerge just a little bit lovelier--was enough to cause me pure delirium. And, I was this close to calling for an appointment. But, then, I remembered that I spotted weird little spot on my leg a few weeks ago (which I'll have checked out at my dr appt in April). So, I put off the lure of the tanning bed. Still....I pined for color on this pale skin...
Soon my prayers were answered. In came Maureen--one of my darling office mates--sporting a lovely copper tinged glow. She did not go to the tanning bed. She did not go on some exotic vacation or even a spray tanner. In fact, she spends her days in the same dismal, stress-ridden basement as I do each and every day. What is her secret? Jergen's Natural Glow Self Tanning Daily Moisturizer
$7.00 and a few minutes of lathering up and I'm on my way.....

Ahhh....I feel better already....