Follow me.......

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

A lover's quandry......

'tis mine....

This blog post is going to hit a nerve with several folks. I just know it. And, I'm ready for the back lash. In fact, it's probably just what I need. THAT, a good kick in the ass and some advice....

I've got a problem. A big one. And, it's getting bigger everyday. It's my husband. Yep, good old Carmen. The guy I've been hanging out with forever. The guy I plan on hanging out with forever more.
What's the problem?
Does he have a girlfriend? Did he get a nose ring? Is he wearing his skivvies on the front porch? No. No. And no. He doesn't have the time or energy for a girlfriend. He doesn't like needles. And, Toni and I won't allow him outside in his skivvies.
So, why am I bitching about him?
Here's the thing--the man just won't take care of himself. To be more specific--he is literally driving himself into the ground. Figuratively and possibly literally. He works an insane amount of time. And, when he isn't at work--he's on the phone about work. And, when he's not at work or on the phone about work, he's thinking about work. But, that's not really the problem I'm trying to solve. After years of living with his intensity and his life-robbing career, I have learned...the hard way. I'm powerless in that regard. It's a fact of our life.
The problem I'm trying to figure out is this--he eats like a mad man. There's no other way to put it. What does he eat? You name it, he eats it. But, his personal favorites are: cured meats--mainly pepperoni and supresseta, any kind of cheese, popcorn, cookies, chips, pretzels, nuts,....oh, let's face it--anything he can get his hands on that is portable and easy to pop in his mouth as he works, sits on the computer, listens to conference calls, watches sports, reads the newspaper and drives. It's that simple--his life consists of eating junk and doing lots of sitting. And, he knows it. Which, unfortunately, causes him additional stress--which he doesn't need.
What's more is that his blood pressure has gotten out of control--meaning--they have not been able to control it with meds. Fortunately, his cholesterol responds to meds. For now. In addition--he has gained a significant amount of weight, he's exhausted most of the time and his sleeping is fitful due to extreme reflux and his beeper going off at all hours. His doctor wants to see more of him. But, he can't find the time...with his work and matter how many appointments I set up for him!

So, what do I do about all of this? I yell. I scream. I reason. I tell scarey stories. I make suggestions. I make appointments. I cook. I buy good food. I clean out cupboards. I throw away unhealthy food. I spy. I lecture. I give the silent treatment. I gave him a gym membership. I ask him out for walks. I scream some more.
Bottom line--none of it is working.

Now, I know most of this is because of the work-life balance issues of his career. But, like I said, I've given up trying to do anything about that--other than not to tell him when his beeper is going off in the middle of the night (only if he is so dead to the world that he doesn't hear it)! That's my way of helping him with his work-life balance issues...

But, this food-health thing with him is wearing me down. And, because I have worked so hard on my own weight and health issues, it's making me absolutely crazy. But, this not about me. I'm trying to keep that thought in focus! I am well aware of the fact that I have changed my lifestyle significantly. And, I am very sensitive to the fact that hearing me preach about how he can change his lifestyle (look at me...I did it!!) may not feel so great for him. And, to be honest--with the very small amount of time we do get to spend together--do I want to harp on him about what he is eating, what it is doing to his health and the fact that he is overweight? Yeah, well....

I think the most interesting part of all of this is that this is not really a new problem. It's been going on for years--at varying degrees of intensity. But, what has changed is me. In the past, both of us would partake in poor eating habits--together. Then, one day, one of us would look at the other and say "we gotta stop". And, we'd embark on a healthier lifestyle--together. He would always fall right into his favorite diet plan--Atkins--and incorporate some type of exercise. I would do all the shopping, meal planning and cooking and before you knew it--he would lose 25 pounds and I would yo-yo. He'd stick it out. I would give it up. But, it was our mutual desire to get out of our unhealthy eating and to lose some weight that got him started---revved him up so to speak. After that, he was off and running.

Maybe....just some twisted way, my Lapband is part of his problem. He lost his off-and-on diet buddy and his feast and famine partner. And, just like a man--he doesn't know what to do without her.

And, so, it makes me wonder--is my Lapband killing my husband? I'm not sure what to make of that thought.


Sher's Creative Expressions said...

Hmmmm, sound like you're pretty much screwed unless Carmen, himself, decides to do something about it.

Here's my suggestion: Go out and purchase an enormous life insurance policy on Carmen. Tell Carmen you're planning on how you and your next husband are going to spend his money after he eats himself to death. Tell him you hope the man who inherits his hard earned money make wise spending decisions :)

That may just get to Carmen!!!



Sonya said...

Judy thanks for your comment on the Clematis vine. Oh my. I have yet another friend that lost some vines a couple of years ago b/c their DH thought it was something that needed clearing. (lol).
I think I told mine over dinner one night to let me clean that bed, it would be my baby and that the "vine comes back don't mess with it". lol

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

I hear ya. Your preaching to the choir here.
My husband, kids and I would be getting reading for the start of our favorite weekend on Friday. Instead, my kids and I are going to a mass to mark the sixth anniversary of his death.
If he would have only taken a day off to go to the damn dentist. I made four of them and he blew them all off.

Jody V said...

Don't give up on him Judi. Maybe if the kids get on his back more it will help. I wish you luck!


Kathy said...

I hear that Judi, I am married to soemone like that too. I feel like I am constantly harping on him about what he eats. I just keep praying he will change before it's too late. Hopefully these guys will get it together soon.