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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Skeletons in my closet........


This weight loss journey has brought with it a lot of surprises. Yet, one surprise perplexes me more than most. My closet. To explain--it's no surprise that for the past 8-10 years, I've hated the fact that I would go for months not being able to wear half the things hanging in my closet. I would grow out of clothes in a matter of weeks....sometimes even days. Give me a weekend and I could blast through a pair of jeans and all of my black pants. Give me a holiday season or a week at the beach and I would need a new wardrobe to go back to work. So, unless I wanted to bust zippers and seams at the speed of light, I'd have to go out and buy a few new things. So I did. I'd go shopping and buy the next size. Oh, I wasn't too happy about it. But, I did it. Even knowing that within a relatively short period of time--they too wouldn't fit. So, why is it that now that I am 70 pounds thinner---my closet it still filled with things I can't wear? Why are those 2X's and 1X's still hanging in there? Why haven't I purged it all? I mean, I hated those clothes so much, you'd think I'd just open the window and throw them on the next passing vehicle. Why haven't I went out and bought an entirely new wardrobe? Sure, sure...I know, I did have a secret stockpile of smaller clothes in the attic--I didn't have to go naked. Now those clothes don't even fit. I mean, I can understand my reluctance to go out and buy a bathing suit. Who enjoys that? But, come on, why haven't I---a girl who loves to shop-- blazed a trail through every store at the mall buying up all the clothes that I craved for so long? Why is my closet still packed with unwearable clothes? Can't I just give these things away? Can't I pack them up in bags and tote them to Goodwill? Can't I have a fat clothes burning party? Or, why can't I do the green thing and give them to someone who could really use them? Why am I holding on to a Size 18 pair of jeans that needed hemmed when I bought them and still needs hemmed? And, what about that white get up that I had to wear to my godchild's wedding? Or, that peachy number that I was forced into buying for my girlfriend's wedding because I could find nothing else to fit me? And, how about that caftan of sorts that I used as a cover up at the beach but then turned it into a night out on the town dress in a pinch? Am I secretly in love with those clothes or do I want to keep my closet looking well-endowed? Like I said---perplexing.

Every day I tell my family they have to go through their summer clothes and figure out what they need for our cruise. And, I become increasingly more frustrated when they don't. Last week, for example, I had a bit of a melt down..."don't tell me at the last minute that you need shorts!" I warned them all, raising my fist in front of my face. Then, a few days later, I pulled out all the new cruisewear I bought Carmen for our anniversary and demanded....."here, go through these and figure out if they fit you!" And yet...they still lay in a heap on top of his armoire. And, I've had multiple discussions with Toni--telling her she has to set aside one day from her demanding social calendar to try on clothes..."we're not just going out to buy things you don't need!" I told her. Yet, she hasn't found the time. But me? Well, I haven't even begun to figure out what doesn't fit me. And, why? Well, because down deep I know that nothing does. A good thing---yes, I know. Thinking back to last year when we were going to Disney and Daytona.....I also knew that I had nothing to fit me. So, what did I do? I went out and bought new things. In fact, I made several special trips to stores far and wide to pull my wardrobe together. Even then, I hated most of them. I have the pictures to prove they were awful. But now? I have nothing that fits. I am going on a cruise that I really want to go on. And, I have lost a significant amount of weight. These are all good things. Dreams come true things. What the hell is going on here?
I need to come out of my closet. There, I said it......

4 comments:

MariB said...

Judi,

I can take some of your bigger clothes off of your hands! Please email me and I will help you with those skelletens.
MariB

Anonymous said...

Judi,

Don't sweat "the big stuff" (in your closet). LOL! Oh shit, girl, just go shopping. You know you can do it!
Jen

lapdancergirl said...

hey Judi,
I will take the size 18 jeans. Email me.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! My prayers are answered! Judi can't figure out what to do with her clothes! Alleluiah!!!!!!
jackie
p.s. call me!