Tuesday, May 6, 2008
An Affair to Remember................
I'm always shocked when I read statistics about affairs. And, I'm even doubly surprised when I read first person accounts of affairs. Just the other day, I read somewhere that 39% of married women admit to having an affair outside of their marriages (is there any other kind?) and of those 39%, over half of them eagerly provided details. Who in the heck runs these surveys? And, even more puzzling--who answers them? Let's face it....if one of those survey people called me and asked if he/she could ask me a few questions about my sex life and my extramarital activities, I suspect I'd politely tell them I'm eating dinner. But, somewhere deep inside me, after I hung up the phone---I'd have some regret. I'd be just a tad bit curious about the questions. And, knowing me, if I did stay on the phone, I'd soon turn the conversation into me interviewing the interviewer (how did you pick me to call? did you call any of my nieghbors? tell me, did YOU ever have an affair? ...). I'm an information junkie. Well, to be more accurate---I like knowing stuff. So, to please folks like myself, I suppose someone has to go out and gather this info from people who are willing to give it. How else would we find out what's going on behind our backs, in front of our faces and in our neighbors' bedrooms? Maybe I missed my career calling---should I have been a researcher?
An affair is something illicit. Something you do behind closed doors. It's a secret. Or, at least that's what YOU think. It's that one-two punch---it makes you feel good when you're doing it but can get you into more trouble than you ever dreamed possible. You know...the forbidden fruit. Satisfying your hunger for a pleasure that you've been unable to find elsewhere. I suppose there's a bit of shame involved. Do you hate yourself in the morning? Can you look in the mirror? Do you know you are doing something wrong or can you justify with with a myriad of reasonings? I don't know. I've never had an affair. Unless you count my affair with food. YES! YES! YES! I could talk for hours about that tawdry little affair. But, I won't. We all the know the story. Bad day=extra helping of pasta. Happy day=extra helping of ice cream. Boring day=big bag of chips. Bad fight=give me the oreos....NOW. I know I'm not alone. That makes it feel a little bit better. Just like those 39% of women who are doing the sacred act outside of their marriages. They probably like knowing they are not alone too. I guess I get it now....that's why researchers do what they do. So we don't feel so bad.
Here's the thing about food and sex---we need it. We just have to tame how we get it. (Just go with me here folks) In committed relationships--whether it's with another person or with food--we have to respect those relationships and ourselves enough to do just that. There's no reason why we can't find the same excitement and pleasure with our significant others or from reasonable helpings of pasta as we find with other lovers or two pounds of pasta with meat sauce. It's all the same. Are you following me here? Why should we deprive ourselves of the simple pleasure of sex and food by assaulting it all with reckless behavior? Don't we deserve to enjoy the taste of chocolate and the afterglow of meaningful sex? Don't we want to experience the pleasure and not the guilt? Can't we see how destructive our behavior is? Don't we want to live freely and without fear? But, is it as easy as answering those questions? Apparently not. That's why we have 39% of women having affairs and 65% of adults considered obese. None of us are alone. Not by a long shot.
As I pondered these statistics and thought about sex and food, it occurred to me---is my Lapband merely a chastity belt?