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Thursday, April 1, 2010

The foolish things I did for.......

LOVE.......
body love, that is......

Oh those foolish things I've done in my quest for weight loss!
Thank you, dear Lapband, for saving me from a lifetime of more diet foolery!


In honor of April Fool's Day, I'm going to take a walk through my foolish diet history....


Feel free to put on your walking shoes and join me.....

Everyone has things in their closets that they don't want to talk about. Oh you know what I mean!. Besides all the poor fashion and shoe choices, there's those things that don't hang on hangers or sit in boxes that we'd really like to forget! Things like bad dates, bad choices, lousy one-liners, embarrassing one-nighters, nasty break ups, nasty hook-ups,crazy nights out, crazy mornings after, ......
Or, is that just me?
Okay, Okay....move away from the computer friends....no need for whispering....I'm not going to share all those better-left-in-the-closet things....
Maybe next April Fools Day....

Today, I'm revisiting my dieting past...the foolish things I did to lose weight....

First, let me say (as a way of redeeming myself up front!), I also did my share of not-so-foolish diets--Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach. But, I was also lured in by quite a number of duds and cads. Diets that promised you the world but all you got was....well.....read on...

The Grapefruit Diet--yes, I lost weight. I also got ulcers all over my mouth
L.A. Weightloss--lots of cash and flash! No wonder they closed their doors!
The Cabbage Soup Diet--sure, I lost weight. I also lost a lot of gas....
Meridia--yep, I lost weight. I also lost control...
Phen/Fen--one of my favs! I lost lots of weight. I guess I also lost some brain cells.
Phen--OMG, how I loved this diet pill! I could stay up all night and go to work the next day--no problem! Yes, I lost weight. But, I never slept...
The 3 Day Diet--yep, I lost weight but I also lost 3 days.
The Zone--took me five days days to figure it out,1 day to figure out I couldn't do it and the rest of the week to figure out how much money I spent in the process.
No-Fat Diet--can you say...GIVE ME A HAMBURGER NOW?
No-Carb Diet--can you say....GIVE ME A PLATE OF PASTA NOW?
F-Plan--high fiber and high plumbing bills!
Eat Right For Your Type Diet--The premise made sense to me. The rest of it did not. My type was confused.
Macrobiotic Diet--felt like a college course that I never could understand. Not sure what it is and why I did it. All I know is the book was $9.95.
Suzanne Somers Diet--Not sure why I even considered this one and I can't tell you anything about it. Perhaps it wiped my memory clean! It must have been during my love affair with Friday night TV viewing
Hollywood Diet--the joy of juice fasting quickly turned into a horror movie!
Herbalife--running from the pushy home sales reps was all part of the plan!
Slimfast--ahh....just another gassy plan
Metabolife--sure, I lost weight but I'm still trying to forget about how badly my head itched!
Dexatrim--hiding it in my shopping cart was only part of the problem!
The Green Tea Diet--as much as I love tea...this one ain't for me. I got more exercise going to the bathroom than anything!
Stacking--it was all the rage on internet b-boards...put together some asprin, some caffeine and something else and you're good to go! Not so much. I needed glinkobiloba to ward off my confusion!
Apple Cider Vinegar Diet--not for the taste bud conscious dieter. I think I still have 2 bottles in my pantry if anyone wants to try it out.
Scarsdale Diet--the only good thing about this diet was the scandalous liasons of the doctor who invented it.
Mediteranean Diet--any diet that promotes wine made it to my list. Didn't lose any weight but the wine took away my disappointment.

Yes, I admit....I was a dieting fool!





Any diet foolery in your closet?


Note to my long-time blog readers:
No, you are not going crazy if you think you read this before!
This is the same posting I used last April Fool's Day.....
It still holds true today and sometimes I think it's good to revisit the past!
No, I'm not playing an April Fool's Day joke on you by reposting it!
The joke is on me--I'm running on empty this week!!!


3 comments:

Jody V said...

I'm sitting here laughing my ass off Judi!! You do have a way with words! I love it!!

Jody

Band Groupie said...

LOL! I think you beat me on the number of diets tried...and there's a few in there I haven't heard of LOL! 'itchy head'? I'm going to have to look that one up!!!

Gen said...

LOL, I am pretty sure I have at least this number in my closet! A few I did not see, in addition to your list...Atkins of course, Carbohydrate Lovers diet, Fat Flush plan, Protein Power, Alli (lasted one day on that..yuck!), Wellbutrin...and one million attempts on WW.

Scarsdale was my very first official diet plan, as a young girl. It worked (for a while). And it started the whole 30 more years of dieting.

SO Happy to be done with all of it!