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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Foolish Dieting........

Oh those foolish things I've done in my quest for weight loss!
Thank you, dear Lapband, for saving me from a lifetime of more diet foolery!

In honor of April Fool's Day, I'm going to take a walk through my foolish diet history....

Feel free to put on your walking shoes and join me.....

Everyone has things in their closets that they don't want to talk about. Oh you know what I mean!. Besides all the poor fashion and shoe choices, there's those things that don't hang on hangers or sit in boxes that we'd really like to forget! Things like bad dates, bad choices, lousy one-liners, embarrassing one-nighters, nasty break ups, nasty hook-ups,crazy nights out, crazy mornings after, ......
Or, is that just me?
Okay, Okay....move away from the computer need for whispering....I'm not going to share all those better-left-in-the-closet things....
Maybe next April Fools Day....

Today, I'm revisiting my dieting past...the foolish things I did to lose weight....

First, let me say (as a way of redeeming myself up front!), I also did my share of not-so-foolish diets--Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach. But, I was also lured in by quite a number of duds and cads. Diets that promised you the world but all you got on...

The Grapefruit Diet--yes, I lost weight. I also got ulcers all over my mouth
L.A. Weightloss--lots of cash and flash! No wonder they closed their doors!
The Cabbage Soup Diet--sure, I lost weight. I also lost a lot of gas....
Meridia--yep, I lost weight. I also lost control...
Phen/Fen--one of my favs! I lost lots of weight. I guess I also lost some brain cells.
Phen--OMG, how I loved this diet pill! I could stay up all night and go to work the next day--no problem! Yes, I lost weight. But, I never slept...
The 3 Day Diet--yep, I lost weight but I also lost 3 days.
The Zone--took me five days days to figure it out,1 day to figure out I couldn't do it and the rest of the week to figure out how much money I spent in the process.
No-Fat Diet--can you say...GIVE ME A HAMBURGER NOW?
No-Carb Diet--can you say....GIVE ME A PLATE OF PASTA NOW?
F-Plan--high fiber and high plumbing bills!
Eat Right For Your Type Diet--The premise made sense to me. The rest of it did not. My type was confused.
Macrobiotic Diet--felt like a college course that I never could understand. Not sure what it is and why I did it. All I know is the book was $9.95.
Suzanne Somers Diet--Not sure why I even considered this one and I can't tell you anything about it. Perhaps it wiped my memory clean! It must have been during my love affair with Friday night TV viewing
Hollywood Diet--the joy of juice fasting quickly turned into a horror movie!
Herbalife--running from the pushy home sales reps was all part of the plan!
Slimfast--ahh....just another gassy plan
Metabolife--sure, I lost weight but I'm still trying to forget about how badly my head itched!
Dexatrim--hiding it in my shopping cart was only part of the problem!
The Green Tea Diet--as much as I love tea...this one ain't for me. I got more exercise going to the bathroom than anything!
Stacking--it was all the rage on internet b-boards...put together some asprin, some caffeine and something else and you're good to go! Not so much. I needed glinkobiloba to ward off my confusion!
Apple Cider Vinegar Diet--not for the taste bud conscious dieter. I think I still have 2 bottles in my pantry if anyone wants to try it out.
Scarsdale Diet--the only good thing about this diet was the scandalous liasons of the doctor who invented it.
Mediteranean Diet--any diet that promotes wine made it to my list. Didn't lose any weight but the wine took away my disappointment.

Yes, I admit....I was a dieting fool!

Any diet foolery in your closet?


Sher's Creative Expressions said...

Judi, did you try Weight Watchers? I'm just curious. This diet does work, but drive me nuts having to count points for everything. Causes me so much stress it actually makes me think about food. . .all the time. . . thinking about what I'll be eating next. . . and then eating everything I see. . . figuring up all the points is crazy.

How much weight do I need to loose to get me one of those lapbands? I want to drop about 30 to 40 pounds. I understand the cost is around $10,000. Is this correct? I'm pretty sure my insurance would tell me to take a hike and I'd have to pay for this myself. My husband would also tell me to take a hike if I told him I wanted to pay $10,000! He'd tell me he'd be happy to wire my jaw shut for me :)



Jody V said...

Wow have a great memory! I have done 98% of those but I also did OptiFast which was a liquid diet. Dear Lord...where was the LapBand 20 years ago??


Shaggs said...

I still cant decide which is weirder - some of your tanning attempts or some of those diets? Or maybe some of the side effects of those diets.....???? gotta love a good lap band though, hey? Puts dieting to shame, oh what time we've wasted!!!