Yes, it is a journey.....

It's the first time in my Lapbanded life that I deliberately canceled a Lapband follow up appointment. The reason was two fold--a mandatory office luncheon was scheduled during the same time that I had my appointment and #2--I really don't think I need a band fill. I hated like hell to cancel that appointment. I don't want to get into that habit. It's so very important to keep these appointments whether I need to have a fill or not. But, honestly, with the way things are in my office--it would not be the time to cause any scuttlebutt about not going to the luncheon. And, being that I'm still struggling with eating things at certain times, I just figured I'd cancel it this time. Just this one time.....

But, just because I don't need a tweak to my band--that doesn't mean that I don't need a tweak to my brain.

You see, just like everyone else--I've been living in Holidayland for awhile now.
In Holidayland, it's really okay and even encouraged to eat cookies and chocolate instead of yogurt and high protein almonds. And, there's lots of support for wine and martinis and chunks of full-fat cheese instead of protein shakes,water and string cheese . Plus, it's considered an insult to go to someone's home and not accept whatever special foods they offer you. In Holidayland, the world revolves around eating what you want when you want, partying until you drop and not worrying about calories or fats or portions. Meal schedules and making good food choices are all part of the culture there. There's a huge disdain for exercise and healthy activities. In fact, Holidayland is so active and busy that there's no time for anything other than eating, drinking, making merry and a little bit of sleeping. There's little tolerance for headaches or cotton mouth of feeling grungy. The rules are simple--be merry all the time and do whatever it takes not to ruin Holidayland. Everyone in Holidayland wears a smile--no matter how exhausted or stressed they are. They donn festive clothes with lots of sparkle and shine and wear fancy shoes that look pretty tough to walk in. They greet you with heartfelt greetings, a tray of appetizers, a glass of wine and a kiss. It's such a wonderful place to visit. But, definitely not a place to live fulltime forever.



The only problem is that the road that leads out of Holidayland is riddled with mine fields disguised as leftover cakes, cookies, candy and pies.
There's no armor strong enough to keep you 100% steady. And, even when you manage to find the armor--you still need a little deprogramming, a bit of re-education and a pile of commitment to safely navigate the terrain. Because once you do manage to safely get to the border--there's this huge fence that can be almost impossible to scale.
And, even if you do manage to get over that fence--there's a big mountain that must be climbed.
Trust me, even my mighty Lap band can't fight the forces that lie between Holidayland and Judiland. It needs the full cooperation of my brain, my heart and my soul.

The fact that I bust out of Holidayland before as well as escaped from Obesityville does help. But, let's face it--I can't count on my past successes to keep me on the right path. Sure, they help considerably. Just like anything else in life--it's what I do NOW and everyday after that counts. So, here's the thing---I have to really get it in my head that the peanut brittle in the office is not a preferred source of protein. And, I need to keep telling myself that mashed potatoes may go down fine and may be a quick dinner but they are not the optimal choice for a healthy and nutrition packed meal. No, not even sprinkled with Romano cheese. And, I have to ignore all of the things that tempt my time so that I can get back to planning meals and snacks. And, lastly, I can't forget that I am going to be 50 in 16 days. As if I ever could....