and I promise I'm going to do it better.....
I'll act my age and buy my shoe size.....or something like that...
...but...I refuse....I repeat....I refuse to wear a red hat. Red shoes--yes. That red hat--ain't gonna happen.
The party is over but the celebration is just beginning. That is how I hope to wake up each morning---with the belief that it will be a day worth celebrating. Not in some goofy corny way. In a grateful and graceful way. With eyeliner and lipstick and energy and heart. It's time that my wisdom kicks in and my silliness becomes a permanent fixture. It's time that I see my laugh lines for what they really are--the scars of a happy life, good friends and crazy moments. And, it's time that I stop trying to figure out what I want to do and who I want to be and accept the fact that I have no idea and I never will. It' time for me to embrace my ficklehood and my complexity and my bunion. It's time to be much more patient, try to be on time more often and to make every effort to greet every man, woman and child with a smile no matter how pissed off, disgusted and miserable I may be. And, it's time that I try not to get pissed off, try not to be disgusted and work really hard on not being miserable. It's the things to do when your days are numbered....at 50.
And, there's so much more. For instance--when I have choices, I want to make the right ones. But, if I don't, I want to have chances to choose again. And, I really want to say the right things. The smart things. The perfect things. I don't want to just make noise. I want what I say to matter--to someone. To everyone. I think it would all be so nice...for a girl of 50.
And...while I'm at it, I might as well go all the way. Here goes. I want to keep my bedroom cleaner. And, my bathroom. And, my kitchen. And, my basement. And, the rest of my house. I want to do laundry more. And I'd like to like it. I want to learn how to iron and sew. And, I want to bake bread. Like other grown up girls of 50.
But, for today....I just want to be a good 50. The kind of 50 that will make 50 proud. Tomorrow, I will work on all that other stuff. For today...I'm working on 50. Oh, and losing 5 pounds. It's Monday...what the hell?
But, I am not wearing that red hat.