Let's chit chat on my front porch instead......

Technology is a funny thing. The thought of it feels very impersonal. Keyboards and hard drives and modems and cables and ethernet connections. Computers and cellphones and blackberrys. Sleek and hard and cold. Yet, they are the very things that connect us--you and me. It's the revolution that's brought together strangers from around the world into one living room and around one table. This very impersonal medium has opened hearts, given support, soothed pains, held hands, gave hope, grew friendships, eased loneliness and brought smiles. It's like a backyard fence--where we stand and chat with our neighbors. Other times it's like a window without curtains where we can peer into the lives of others--undetected but not unwelcome. Who would have thunk it?

There are millions of people--just like me--who talk to people whose names we do not know and whose faces we may never see. We share our lives by pounding on a keyboard from lone computers in places far and wide. It's a place where I tell you I am having a very bad day or a very good day. It's a place where you tell me a story or share a secret or tell me how much I matter to your day. While I sit here, staring at a screen, it all happens.

But, let's just say..for today....I invited you over for a nice glass of lemonade and a little chit chat. Well, for starters....lemonade? No, of course not. Lemonade with a little vodka. We will sit on my comfy front porch....because that's where I can smoke my contraband cigarettes. And we will chit chat.
Here's my chit.....
-I'm watching my neighbor's flowers slowly die. I'm supposed to be watering them while they are away but I'm just too damn exhausted at the end of the day to do it.
-I am going to the Country Living Fair in Columbus in September and I'm pretty excited about it.
-My tan is fading and it's pissing me off.
-My labwork came back the other day and things are the best they've ever been. Yep, no more meds. I guess this Lapband thing is doing it's job.
-I hauled Carmen's recliner out of the house. Yep, I put it in the U-haul and drove it several hours away. He can't ever bring it back. I gave it to Vince. I'm so much happier with it gone. I always hated that thing. He's not too happy about it but life goes on.
-I'm starting to worry that I'm finding ways to work around my Lapband. Now that it's been a part of me for a year, I know what works and what doesn't. I know that crunchy foods do much better than breads and starches. I have to be extra careful not to fall into another food trap! Hey, would you like some chips to go with that lemonade?
-We're doing lots of college trips for Toni this Fall. She's excited so I'm excited. They will be nothing like those college trips with Vince---where we fought on every campus we visited. This will be fun.
-Carmen is "putting up" tomatoes this weekend with his family. Not that he is all that into tomato making. It just comes with the rite of birth.
-We're doing some school shopping for Toni today. How fun will that be? Maybe I'll even get some back to school duds myself! I can feel my bank card groaning already.....
-How unbelievable is it that I am going to be 50 in 5 months? Fifty. Five-O. A couple years back, I confided in my girls-on-the-town friends that I was thinking of getting high (yeah, that's right) for my 50th. Little did I know they've been working on making that happen. So, if you have a left over roach clip, could you bring it over next time you drop by for a chat?
-Speaking of getting high....I am so in love with those energy shots from Starbucks. Everytime I go into a Starbucks I try to convince the person behind the counter to sell me a few. Last week I did score a few from a cute guy out at the Barnes & Noble Starbucks at the mall. I better go back and see if he can hook me up again.
-So, I'll tell ya, I'm really feeling this whole growing up thing with the kids. Vince off at grad school, Toni becoming a senior. Now what? I mean....NOW WHAT? I'm pretty sure I have to keep my job for a while longer even though it's loosing it's appeal these days. Things might change but probably not for a while yet. The Camelot that once was where I spent my days has turned into a whole other place--over night. Yeah, I'd tell you all about it if I could but I can't talk about it much--it hurts my heart and my head. I don't want to spoil our lovely chat. And, I'm trying to make the best of it since the kids may be out of the door but they are not out of our pocketbooks. Which, to be quite honest, is okay. It's what I signed up for when I joined the parenthood club.
-Do you think I should get a whole new hairstyle? I'm feeling really common these days. Wonder what I could do to throw a little action into my look. The length? The color? The style? Maybe I need a whole makeover. Is it time to leave the Estee Lauder counter and go over to MAC? Maybe I need something edgier. 50 year old edgey. Rocker suburbanite middle-aged-who-doesn't-look-it sexy siren Martha Stewartish mixed up with eclectic zany intellect. I'm thinking Susan Sarandon. Oh my God...remember the movie "The Banger Sisters"? Yes, that's what I'm thinking....
-It's hard to believe the summer is over. It's been a good one. I mean, there was some shit stuff among the good stuff. But, I think the good stuff outweighed the shit stuff. The fact that I'm almost 80 pounds lighter kind of helps me cast a much brighter light on the things that weren't so great. If nothing else, I did some really wonderful shoe shopping this summer. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm shallow like that.
-I'm in the mood for a rock 'n roll concert. We didn't do one concert this summer at all. I just could not make it to Tom Petty. As much as I love that concert, the trip out there on a work night has taken it's toll on me after all these years. Yeah, my sister and her kids went and the traffic situation was exactly the same as it always was. I think I need a major rock n roll fix. Do you want me to bring my CDs out on the porch and we can blast some Bruce?
-Dinners are becoming a huge pain in my ass. It's mostly because every meal has to be an event at my house. How did I ever get to that point? I know some families that settle for cereal for dinner. It's not that they are poor. It's just that whoever is the cook in the house is too damn tired to think of what to cook and too damn tired to cook it and clean up afterwards. Part of it is my fault, I guess. I mean, I do love to cook and come up with recipes. But, not every damn night for crying out loud! And, I'll admit it-- I got into this goofy competition with myself on how many ways I can make chicken. Now, there's always lots of excitement about what I will do with it. I need to find a way out of that tradition! And, let's not even talk about the clean up and the dishes. I mean, to prepare a gourmet meal, you have to make a huge mess. At least I do. So, every single night of the week, I'm stuck in that damn kitchen for hours on end. And that's after a full day of working at my paying job! No wonder I dread the thought of dinner every night....
-I saw in a magazine that the Annie Hall look is coming back. I loved that look! The sort of funked-up menswear look. You know, Diane Keaton is one of my all time favorites. She just makes me smile. I love her style, her look, her personality. Gosh, I'd love to be her. Maybe I should aim for her style. What do you think? But, she is so damn thin. And she has longer legs than me. But, gosh, I love her.
-Ooooh....speaking of movies--did you see Mama Mia? Wasn't that delightful? Yeah, I know...Pierce Bronsan was a bit oddly cast...he looked really dopey singing. But, he's easy on the eyes. And so was the scenery! Wasn't that a fun movie? I think Meryl Streep is a gem. She is just super talented. I think I want to go see that movie again.
-Have you read the book "Skinny Bitch"? Toni and I bought it one night at Barnes and Noble when we were just bored to tears. I've flipped through it but haven't read it....yet. It became the rage after it was spotted in Posh Spice's hand. And, speaking of Posh...do you think her husband is all that good looking? What am I missing here? I really am not all that into him. He's just not my type, I guess. But, naturally, I'd let him eat crackers in my bed....if he asked. And, of course, if Carmen was sound asleep....
-I really want the wallpaper down in my kitchen and I want the cabinets painted and distressed. Carmen pretends he doesn't hear me. But, I'm going to do it. I really am. You just watch me!
-I realize you have to go soon...don't let me hold you up. Unless, of course, you'd like another glass of lemonade?

What's your chat?