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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Are some people just put on this earth to make you feel bad about yourself?

Well, fuck them!

I'm just having a hell of a time today. In every aspect of my not-so-ordinary life things are rather shitty. I know it's only temporary. I bounce back rather easily. But, for the moment, I feel like living in the matter how lousy the moment is. And, I'm feeling sorry for myself. And, every so often, my thoughts turn marytrish (YIKES!). Not good at all. I'd explain it all but then I'd just get upset again. Before you know it, I'd raid my freezer for a contraband cigarette. So, I'm not going to share my current misery. It was probably just a bad day all the way around. I was feeling overwhelmed at times, useless at others and underloved in general. Plus, I had the added pain of being amongst people who were not being very nice. Yes, I know, I have to quit expecting people to be nice. I have to wake up every morning and remind myself of that. I despise the idea of starting each day like that. Hell, I'd rather say "Hello gorgeous! Today is another beautiful day!" But, using today as a yardstick, I fear the only way for me to get through my days is to remind myself there are bitches and bastards among us. Oh, maybe I'm just cranky. I got to bed late last night because I had to wait for my bachelor neighbor to go to bed so that Toni and I could steal the perfectly good sofa that he put out for trash (for Vince's grad school pad) and drag it across the street. (Can't wait until Carmen sees how I tore up his beloved lawn.) Or, maybe I'm just hungry. I got a nice fill in my band yesterday....which means that it's liquids and mush for me for awhile. Or, perhaps I'm just feeling a little blue. Vince is packed up....we've been moving him. This coming weekend will be the final trip. As much as I want him to go off and chase his dreams and find his place in the world, I am going to miss him terribly. My son--the Doctor (not of the healing kind!). And, then there's Toni. In 2 weeks, she will be a high school senior. My dear, sweet little darling daughter. I am still back in grade school with her. It's all closing in on me. Everything.
But, you know what? Today I fit into a rockin' black tiered skirt that I bought a few months back. And, I wore my smokin' hot "Sex & The City" shoes and a new pair of look at me earrings--zebra striped. As shitfuck as the day was, I looked fuckinfabulous.


Anonymous said...

Hello gorgeous! Today is another beautiful day!

And to some of us, you are definitively a rock star.

Hang tough, buy shoes, and play good music (loud)!

Prof. H

Anonymous said...

Hell yeah Prof. H!
Judi, my sweet Judi,
Dragging a couch? You make me smile! YOU always make me smile. That is why I come here. Even on days you are feeling like you say, you know there are people reading your blog and you don't want to get too down (for us). YOU care about people enough to put humor in things and work at it so people don't walk away feeling badly. You are so caring like that!
I know you must be feeling sad about the kids and that adds to what you felt today.
I hear hurt in your blog tonight and it really makes me soooooooo mad when I hear others have made you sad and hurt you! Let me at 'em! I cannot imagine how ANYONE could be unkind or hurtful to you. It just doesn't ring with me. I understand how people can get shitty with me LOL!! but NEVER you. Never.
Your problem is that you are too nice and too kind and way too good for those people (who are not nice or make you feel bad) and whoever these people you speak of are scum bags! YOU are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out of their league. I do not know who got you feeling this way (I will tear them limb to limb) but I hope you know that there are so many of us that love you and think you are the kindest and dearest person (with the greatest shoes)!
I'm so proud of you friend for being who you are, doing what you do! (Maybe the bad guys are just jealous of you. Thought of that?) When you are feeling down, read that blog your cyber freind Daffodil wrote about you on her blog.
I lurk your friend's blogs and when I read that I said to myself "that IS my friend Judi". I was all proud! I hope you had a chance to read it! You do not deserve to be treated badly and you do not deserve to have a bad day!
P.S. Good news about that skirt!

MariB said...

Hi Judi,
Hold your head up girlfriend. Don't let the world get you down. It is hard but you have what it takes. Prof H & Jen said it all already. I second and third all of their words. If it's your office that is bringing you down you can come to mine. YOU are a beloved celebrity there. Did you get our invitation to our picnic? WE WANT YOU THERE!
Hang in there!
MariB with the pink painted crocs

Anonymous said...

oh Judi!! I hear ya girl!! I have those days too and it is hard to get through them, but YOU will!!
Thanks for seeing the humor in it all and for dressing fuckingfabulous!! I have bad feet so I cant wear great shoes so I live through you and your shoes!!
I love your shoe/shopping stories!!
Here is hoping today will be a better day!!(it is too early in the morning to toast with a margharita,but if I had one, I would!! LOL) So raise that cup of coffee/tea and chant along "Fuck everybody!!" cuz that is our motto around our office, LOL

Jill G.(jbean)

Gerry said...

I reread your current blog a couple of times and going to try not to sound philosophical...

…just imagine how dull the earth would be if we didn't have to deal with those bitches and bastards. It would make life a little simpler and happy. But if you sit back and realize you are nothing like those people it should make you feel pretty terrific…and you are terrific! At my lowest points in my life you have always been there which takes a really special person. You are that special person; the one that balances good things in life when you think there is no hope. Why can’t people treat you nicer? I’ve come to the conclusion that those people are totally oblivious of the positives in life and take everything for granted. It’s there loss…….

Jody V said...

Oh Judi -

We had the same day yesterday. My boss was being a bitch and life in general sucked. I put on the white earring with the polka dots and matching shoes and in my mind told them all to kiss my ass. Then, I did what you told us a couple of days ago. I got a back up section and sang the blues! Got in at 12:45AM last night and I have a slight headache this morning but I love life again! And yes, I too looked fucking fabulous too yesterday!!

YouroldbuddyMar said...

Dearest Judi,
Hey girl! Thanks for the birthday card. Do I really have to remember each birthday? With you as a friend I guess so! Thanks for your blog address. BUt then I get here and you are all sad! I expected to find my usual happy fun girlbuddy! Now I am pissed at whoever soured one of my fav chicks on this planet! You have my permission to beat those bitches and bastards like rented mules! You are the bright star of Pittsburgh. God damn those assholes! Looks like you have some cool and supportive and super smart friends here. I can't wait to read the rest of your blog. I always said you should be a writer. Get out of that place and WRITE!
P.S. I'm assuming it's work that has my down but maybe it's something/someone else. Sorry if I got it wrong. If it's family or other friends then SHAME on them. Shame on anyone who is not NICE TO YOU!

Daffodil Hill said...

You may be overwhelmed, but you are definitely NOT underloved! All of us in cyberspace adore you. Hang in there, kiddo! You're gonna make it.

Oh, as hard as it is to see those little birds leave the nest, it's not nearly so bad once you get used to it. You might find that you enjoy that emptying nest. ; )