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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Getting used to the new normal.......

is definitely not as easy as I thought it would be.  
It's NOT the 24/7  party that I imagined! 

Now that  our new college grad has been home for almost a month, the reality of it all is setting in.
Not just for me.  But, for her too.
She is definitely not the little girl I sent away to the halls of knowledge four years ago.
She has her own set of thoughts and her own way of doing things and her own needs and wants.
And, she doesn't need or want to sit in the back seat of mom and dad's car for family outings.
Sure, she is up for happy hours and trips to Starbucks and shopping trips and pedicures and facials and going to dinner at her favorite restaurants and for whipping her mother into shape on evening walks.  But, she misses her friends and the freedom of life without parents.  Sometimes she becomes sullen, other times she becomes pissy and then there's times when she just doesn't agree with what I am thinking or doing or how I am doing it or......well, you get the picture.  
All I want is her happy smiling face and her sweet demeanor and her iloveyoutothemoomandbackmom attitude.  So, I find myself doing cartwheels and somersaults just to make that happen.   And, when I can't make life rosy and sweet and justonebigparty for her 24/7, I become sullen and yes.....angry.  Because, you know....I am sacrificing my life and my time and my energy to make her life so wonderful.  STOP.IT.MOM.  
I don't want to be that Mom.  And, I don't want to be that person. 
So, as the older and wiser adult in the situation, I am finding myself doing a lot of self in reminding myself that it's an adjustment period for all of us.
I'm digging deep to find patience and compassion.
Because, really, I just want to scream....."oh come on, you are young and beautiful and you have parents who love you and you get everything you want and then some and I wait on you hand and foot and bend over backwards to make everything perfect and your life is easy compared to the shit I have to deal Can't you just be sweet and loving and appreciative and agreeable?"
I know I am wrong.
250% wrong.
I'm ashamed of myself.
I just want that 24/7 party......
Is that so much for a girl to ask for?  

Getting used to mothering again in Judiland. 
Thank God it's National Martini Day......

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