But, to be honest---I was more than terrified at what was ahead.
There I was....at an unprecedented new low--weight-wise--wearing pants in the single digits and determined to keep it that way.
I was thrilled beyond belief that somehow, someway, I found myself at the corner of am I too thin? and nothing tastes as good as thin feels. I could not believe that I was the woman I saw in the mirror each day! And, even more importantly, I felt better than a 50+ year old woman has a right to feel.
Yes, I was strutting my stuff and damn happy to be doing it.
And, did I mention that I was 5 pounds BELOW my goal weight?
It was a dream come true, an unbelievable time in my life and damn, I had lost 115 pounds!
Yet, there I was....shaking in my darling shoes!
So, what was the problem?
I'll tell you what the problem was......
Did I ever tell you that I have a long history of losing weight only to gain it all back?
Yeah, I was the queen of being thin for a millasecond.
Was my millasecond up?
Would I be able to maintain this weight loss?
Or, would I do as I had done so many times before and gain it all back now that the weight loss fun was over and I had to do the mysterious work of keeping it off?
My Lapband was filled to capacity.....which meant that I could not go back and get it filled anymore.
I didn't want to lose any more weight.
I didn't want to gain any weight.
Somewhere deep inside of me, I was starting to panic.
And, oh yeah, did I mention that I was pretty Lapband savvy by this point?
I was very aware that I could not eat a pound of pasta but a vat of mashed potatoes and a pound of good chocolate would work out just fine.
It was the kind of knowledge that pretty dangerous.
So, yeah....Lapband Year Four was daunting.....
September 2010-These 2 picture even stopped me in my tracks....was this really ME? Would I always look this thin? Will I always be able to wear these pants?
By August 2011.....when I celebrated by 4th Bandiversary....I looked back at how the year began and wondered why I was so worried.....
Come on back and I'll share with you how things are going in YEAR 5......
HINT: I'm terrified....is my millasecond FINALLY over THIS YEAR?