This is the end of the line friends.......

for Lapband fills.


So, yesterday, 3 things happened at my Lapband appointment that have me rattled.

Of the three--the first thing was the least of my concerns at the time--the scale showed a 2 pound gain.
On a scale of one to ten on the what's-got-me-rattled scale....the 2 pound weight gain registered at around a 4.5
It was January 4. It was to be expected.
Six solid weeks of kicking up my heels, woo-hooing, making merry and being an indulgent little bitch will do that to a girl.
Anyway, I knew those 2 pounds were just visiting.
Unwelcome visitors but visitors nonetheless.

The second thing that rattled me was when the Lapband technician handed me a Resource Directory (when I got off the scale) filled with support groups, nutritionists, counselors and dieticians.
As she handed it to me, she said "at this point of the process--at 3 and half years out--you may find yourself needing some extra help and support."
WTF? I only gained 2 pounds! I haven't been THAT bad that I need an intervention!
Hey, it was the holidays!
No. No. I didn't say all of that. I was silent. My face must have said it all.
As my head tilted in confusion and my eyes glazed over, she offered....
"This is typically the point when weight loss surgery patients are very aware of what they can and cannot tolerate and find ways around it. This is when weight gain can begin."
On the what's-got-me-rattled scale....that registered very close to a 10.
I took the brochure, stuffed it deep into the burrows of my purse, thanked her but assured her--that was not me.
No. It was not me.

The third thing put it out of the ballpark for me on the what's-got-me-rattled scale.
The technician told me....right before she shot my port area up with novacaine....
"We are tweaking your band to it's final capacity today."
I wasn't quite sure what she meant.
"Ahhhh...what does that mean?"
She put another shot of novacaine then explained....
"It would be dangerous to fill your band any further. It could do permanent damage. It's a 4 band. We find that if it's filled beyond 3.4, that is when problems begin. It would undo all of your good work."
As she placed the huge needle into the port in my abdomen, I could feel nothing but the panic setting in.
I was oblivious to the discomfort.
Oblivious to the twinging.
As she slowly pulled it out and then reinserted it, I could not feel the pressure.
Panic. Just panic.
I truly had visions of me laying on that table when I was 80 having my band filled.
I really did.
That wasn't going to happen.
My Lapband fills were ending on January 4, 2011.
3 years, 4 months and 24 days after my beloved Lapband was inserted.
26 years, 11 months and 13 days before I thought it would all end.

All of a sudden, the 2 pound weight gain became a 20 pound weight gain.
I was heartbroken.
Scared shitless.
*This* close to complete hysteria.
Teetering on crazed lunacy.
Dramatic, I admit.

Does this mean that soon I will be returning to D.I.E.T.I.N.G?

I think I need to find that Resource Directory pronto.
I need a Counselor or a Psychiatrist or a Witch Doctor or a Hypnotist or a Jeanie in a Bottle real quick......

Now, where in the hell did I put that Resource Directory?