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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

This is the end of the line friends.......

for Lapband fills.

So, yesterday, 3 things happened at my Lapband appointment that have me rattled.

Of the three--the first thing was the least of my concerns at the time--the scale showed a 2 pound gain.
On a scale of one to ten on the what's-got-me-rattled scale....the 2 pound weight gain registered at around a 4.5
It was January 4. It was to be expected.
Six solid weeks of kicking up my heels, woo-hooing, making merry and being an indulgent little bitch will do that to a girl.
Anyway, I knew those 2 pounds were just visiting.
Unwelcome visitors but visitors nonetheless.

The second thing that rattled me was when the Lapband technician handed me a Resource Directory (when I got off the scale) filled with support groups, nutritionists, counselors and dieticians.
As she handed it to me, she said "at this point of the process--at 3 and half years out--you may find yourself needing some extra help and support."
WTF? I only gained 2 pounds! I haven't been THAT bad that I need an intervention!
Hey, it was the holidays!
No. No. I didn't say all of that. I was silent. My face must have said it all.
As my head tilted in confusion and my eyes glazed over, she offered....
"This is typically the point when weight loss surgery patients are very aware of what they can and cannot tolerate and find ways around it. This is when weight gain can begin."
On the what's-got-me-rattled scale....that registered very close to a 10.
I took the brochure, stuffed it deep into the burrows of my purse, thanked her but assured her--that was not me.
No. It was not me.

The third thing put it out of the ballpark for me on the what's-got-me-rattled scale.
The technician told me....right before she shot my port area up with novacaine....
"We are tweaking your band to it's final capacity today."
I wasn't quite sure what she meant.
"Ahhhh...what does that mean?"
She put another shot of novacaine then explained....
"It would be dangerous to fill your band any further. It could do permanent damage. It's a 4 band. We find that if it's filled beyond 3.4, that is when problems begin. It would undo all of your good work."
As she placed the huge needle into the port in my abdomen, I could feel nothing but the panic setting in.
I was oblivious to the discomfort.
Oblivious to the twinging.
As she slowly pulled it out and then reinserted it, I could not feel the pressure.
Panic. Just panic.
I truly had visions of me laying on that table when I was 80 having my band filled.
I really did.
That wasn't going to happen.
My Lapband fills were ending on January 4, 2011.
3 years, 4 months and 24 days after my beloved Lapband was inserted.
26 years, 11 months and 13 days before I thought it would all end.

All of a sudden, the 2 pound weight gain became a 20 pound weight gain.
I was heartbroken.
Scared shitless.
*This* close to complete hysteria.
Teetering on crazed lunacy.
Dramatic, I admit.

Does this mean that soon I will be returning to D.I.E.T.I.N.G?

I think I need to find that Resource Directory pronto.
I need a Counselor or a Psychiatrist or a Witch Doctor or a Hypnotist or a Jeanie in a Bottle real quick......

Now, where in the hell did I put that Resource Directory?


Heather said...

Oh Judi! I wouldn't worry about 2lbs over the holidays. It really isn't that much. (Maybe you had to poop! LOL) You have done wonderful and I am sure that you will continue to do what is needed to stay where you have worked so hard to make it to. You will do fine even if the band was unfilled. You have figured out what needs to be done, what a portion is and will stick with that band or not!

Maybe This Time said...

i agree-2 lbs is not a big deal...and actually an accomplishent for most people over a holiday week. but i do think you are wise to stop at this moment and evaluate. we all know how easy it is to let your hands off the wheel...and coast back into our previous lifestyle. none of us ever weant to go back. so good for you for getting your reality check engine blinking again! we all have faith that you will stay the course!

Jen said...

I'm so sorry about all of this. I know how stressed you feel, I am about 1.5 years out and I have 10ccs in my 11 cc band. I am worried too.... I am determined to finish up my weight loss in the next 6 months and follow the band rules to a T so that I can maintain with out going back to the "d" word. You can do this Judi! You have done a great job so far with your band, keep working it :)

Tina said...

OH my goodness...these people should be shot!! Don't let the tech rattle you. I agree-two pounds will soon come off again. I disagree that this is your last tweak...for goodness sake you can go in for more because of evaporation you can go in and have some out and you can go in and get a tweak..I know of people who have more than the max number in. I would definitely do more research before I believe the tech.

sheesh...that just makes me mad (ok and a little rattled too :))

and you do have all of us in that support department!!

amandakiska said...

I'm right there with you, my dear, only I'm freaking out over .8 lbs. It will be okay. We haven't come all this way to throw in the towel.