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Friday, March 28, 2008

An Easter miracle.........

In the middle of the Easter Sunday hoopla and typical Carr family holiday chaos at my sister's, my father said---in between handfuls of chocolate eggs and for no appearant reason---"You know, Judi weighed 118 lbs on the day she was married." Now, considering my father is 87, I suppose we should all be thankful that his memory is so perfectly in tact. His 86 year old brother (BTW......Happy Birthday to my dear Uncle Patsy!) is not as lucky......he can't remember what day it is and he broke my sister's heart a few weeks back when he didn't recognize her (he only has us 3 nieces) at a casino bar. (Yes, even at 86 and senile, he still likes to perch on a bar stool with a drink and smoke....he hasn't forgot that!) Anyway---what my father said is true.....I did weigh in at 118 on my wedding day. Doesn't every bride and her father know what she weighs on her wedding day? I'm sure if we asked my father how much he weighed on my wedding day.....he might be able to tell you that too. And, I'll bet he can tell you how much I weighed when they wheeled me in to give birth to each one of my children. If you've been reading my blog long enough.....I did mention somewhere along the line that my weight loss is my father's favorite spectator sport. So, all of this should come as no surprise. He's been minding my weight for as long as I can remember. When I decided to have my Lapband surgery, I'm not sure why I even bothered to rehearse how I was going to tell him about it. I had prepared a little package of materials, figured out what I was going to say and carefully planned how I was going to break it to him one Sunday while he was over for dinner. Do you know what he said? "Judi that's the best idea you've come up with in a long time!" The man was giddy with excitement! And, then he added...."If I was a few years younger, I'd get it done too. Two for one!" Honestly, my father's obsession with my weight doesn't really bother me. Oh yeah, it would be oh so lovely if he would say to me "Judi, you are beautiful no matter what you weigh." But, that's not going to happen. I mean, I know he thinks I'm beautiful. Well.....unless you consider the story of the day I was born.......which he loves to tell. It goes like this--- my parents were well into their late 30's when I was born. I was the first of their 3 daughters. So, my birth was a pretty big thing---considering that neither of them thought they'd ever get married let alone have children (back in the 1950's). As my dad tells it.....and this is verbatim.....when he first laid eyes on me, he looked at the doctor and said "what's wrong with her? she looks like a mongoloid!" Yes, he tells that story at least once a year.....on my birthday. Trust me, I can't forget it. So, between being an unattractive infant and an overweight adult, you'd think I'd have major self-image issues. Which, perhaps I do. But, I assure you, they don't come from my father's penchant for telling it like it is and they can't be attributed to his way of not sugar coating what he is thinking. Afterall, my father loves and adores me and lets me know every chance he gets. And, let's face it----that's just my dad being my dad at 87.

Anyway.....back to the matter at hand. This thing about me being 118 pounds when I got married. Like I's very true. And, I'll bet it comes as no shock that at the time I thought I was overweight! No, to be more precise.....I thought I was fat! Horribly fat. I have the diaries and the planning calendars to prove it. I would use a big fat red marker to circle any weight that I didn't like. And, heavens.....when I tipped the scales at 125, not only would I have a huge red circle around it, I'd have lots of red exclamation points. Imagine that.

So, there I sat on Easter Sunday 2008...... as my father announced my 1982 wedding day weight......118. That magical number that will stay with me the rest of my life. It might even be on my tomb stone.....'here lies Judi, she weighed 118 lbs on the day she got married'. And, as the rest of my family was laughing and chatting, I started adding and subtracting numbers in my very non-math oriented brain. Here's what I figurd out---I'm a little less than 60 lbs heavier than that rainy April day in 1982. 60 lbs! I was horrified by the thought. And, last Easter, I was well over 120 lbs more than that infamous day in April of 1982. 120 lbs!!! I felt like I was ready to get sick. And, to think----I just lost 60+ pounds! A feeling of despair came over me. Not a feeling of it should have been. Yes, I was going crazy. Right there on Easter Sunday as my family frolicked, drank flirtinis, ate chocolate eggs and jelly beans and laughed about silly jokes, those numbers were making me crazy. Some how, some way, I managed to forget the success I've had over the past 8 months. I drifted away from the moment. I pulled myself away from the special time with my family and I let a bunch of numbers steal my soul. THAT was no way to live and I knew it. So, you know what I did? No, I didn't swallow an entire chocolate Easter bunny, a handful of malted speckle eggs and a piece of I would have in years past. No. I downed my flirtini and then announced "You know, I did weigh 118 lbs on my wedding day! I must have looked pretty damn good!" No chocolate. Didn't fall over (from sucking down the drink in 2 seconds). Had a little sass. Felt good about myself. An Easter miracle, for sure.......


BandAided said...

You are too talented to be just writing for us! You need to hit the big time! Write a book. Go on Oprah! Seriously!!!!
I'm so loving every entry you share with us and can't wait for the next one.
Do you write for a living?????????????
Janet aka BandAided

Maryfrom Ark said...

YOU are an Easter miracle!!!! Thanks to BeckyTexas, I found your blog! I am not sure how you got into my thoughts but you did!!!! You sneaky girl!!! I am now a fixture here!!!
You are the best blogger ever!!!!
Congrats on your success. I look forward to loosing my weight. Being banded in May!!!