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Thursday, March 6, 2014

The evil power of food.......

This is what started it all......a lunch consisting of Onion my desk!!! 

What we put into our bodies affects not just our hips or our bellies or our affects every crevice or our beings......
I know this.
You know this.
We all know this.
Maybe we just need a little reminder every once in awhile.
Well, I got my little reminder.....
Yes, I have been suffering from some major feelings of every kind of misery (bodily, psychologically and emotionally!) ever since I spent a full 24 hours indulging (convincing myself that it was FAT TUESDAY.... I told myself I should do this) in a day-long meal that consisted of:
-Onion Rings
-A frozen yogurt sundae smothered in rich chocolate sauce, doused with crumpled peanut butter cups and topped with real whipped cream
-A pile of taco meat on a bed of tortilla chips covered in full fat sour cream, shredded sharp cheddar cheese and hot sauce
-A Klondike
-A full sleeve of Girl Scout Do-si-does to round out the day at midnight.

Did I have a grand old time doing any of that?
And NO.
The onion rings are my traditional Fat Tuesday lunch indulgence.  I truly enjoy them.
It's a once-a-year kind of thing that I really do look forward to.
(well, sometimes I get them at other times but not on purpose...)
I should have stopped right there.
But, there's something about kicking off the day with one fatty fried thing that just leads you on this path of craving more and more shit....hence the trip to visit my friends at the frozen yogurt place where they were so happy to see me that they decided to make my sundae super duper special.
As for the make-shift nachos?   Yeah, well, that just happened.
And, the Klondike?  That just happened too.
As for the full sleeve of Do-si-Do's.....I have no clue what happened there.  One minute they were in the freezer, the next minute.....they were in my stomach.

By the time I realized what I had done....I was already sicker than sick.
The discomfort in my stomach was something that I had felt before.....that awful, heavy, bloated, mystomachhasleadinit feeling that I hated way back when.....and I hated once again.
I could not sleep.
I tossed and turned all night.
The taste in my mouth was horrible.  
I woke up feeling awful.
My mind was foggy.
Everything ached.
My crankiness was cranked up several notches.
I couldn't shake the feeling of hopelessness.
My overall deameanor was as bleak as the winter sky.
Life seemed hard.  
I searched inside myself for the answer as to why I had let this happen .  I didn't like the answers I was finding tucked deep in the boughs of my heart.  I wasn't too proud of myself that I let the awfulness of this horrible winter take it's toll on me.  I didn't want to face the fact that I can lose myself in food like an alcoholic or drug user can lose themselves in their drug of choice or their bottle of whiskey.  I didn't want to accept that I have to work really hard to not fall into the trap of soothing myself with food.   I didn't want to know that even with close to seven years of Lap banding to my credit, I am not free of the power that food has over me during moments of weakness, hurt, loneliness or despair.   I didn't want to believe that I shall always have to do the hard work of staying on course and listening to what my body needs....not what my mind thinks it needs.  I was saddened that the little voice that I was able to silence so many times before could not be silenced this time.   I didn't want to....for even one minute.....imagine that I could possibly be 250 pounds again or that I could easily head in that direction.   And, I absolutely hated the fact that I was thinking all of these things.  
That is what food did to me.  

Food + Winter + The Blues = Not a good combo in Judiland

Tomorrow is another day.
And, it's Friday. 


Barbara said...

Judi. What happened yesterday can stay right there. Leave it behind and embrace this new day knowing that you are in control and That you will make new fresh choices.
We all have those kind of days and now you need to kick it to the curb and move on.

Spring ID around the corner. So get excited and set a mini goal to get ready.

My approach is a good flush with hot tea and lemon through out the day with broth based soups.

You are going to be alright girl. Give yourself a hug!

Be we'll

FitBy40 said...

I have found (over and over!) that one bad decision leads to a whole day of bad decisions. I just can't stop myself. It's a horrible feeling.
However, I just want that ice cream sundae you made! That is the one thing on your list that I'd eat right now if it was in front of me! said...

I'm a long time, years in fact, reader but I never comment. You might see me on your stalker feed showing a reader from Reno. That's me and I apologize. I found a great saying at Weight Watchers online. "If you get one flat tire, you don't get out and slash the other 4 tires." My mantra is, "Fix it and move on!"
Sounds like you have had a long rough winter. Have you talked to your doctor about SAD, seasonal affective disorder? Maybe light therapy would drag you out of your funk.