Tuesday, September 8, 2009
When Tuesday is Monday.....
But, I want it to be Sunday......or Saturday.....or the real Monday again.
With the crank of a few ignitions.....a full house became an empty one.
It's Tuesday--after a 3 day weekend that found the house brimming with activity--- lots of cooking, some shopping, hampers full of laundry, more dirty dishes than I could handle, the sound of laughter, a few battles and even a tear or two.
Now, everyone is back in their places.
Places that do not include Judiland.
Me here--and them there.
It's back to another sadly quiet week with lots of time to myself.
Time I don't want.
I need a plan. A brand new plan.
It occurred to me yesterday as my sister and I sat on the porch smoking contrand cigarettes discussing her latest search for a diet that works--I can't even go on a diet to pass the time.
Diets are a thing of my past.
The time that I devoted to all the ins and outs of dieting--from researching which ones work to packaging up meals--can now be devoted to more basic tasks. Like doing the dishes.
At the moment--as remnants of a weekend spent cooking and serving favorite meals sit piled in the sink, my concern over them is absolutely nil. Just a few short years ago--I'd be absolutely panic stricken if I had this situation. Not because I'm a maniacal neatnik. Because I knew that I wouldn't have the time to do them--I would be reacing out the door to begin another whirlwind week filled with work and family obligations and schedules. Now--I can leave all those dishes piled high to sky. Because I am pretty sure I'll have the time to do them. If I want.
This is a very unlikely Judi situation.
Time on my hands.
Time I need to fill.
Sure, I could redo the kitchen cabinets or clean the basement or throw out spices past their expiration date. And, my bedroom and closet could use a complete overhaul.
But, that's not what I want to do. I only like talking about the fact that I don't have the time to do that kind of stuff. It's so much nicer to bitch about not having a moment to do it. It makes me feel more important and needed when I can't orchestrate my time to get those things done.
Maybe it's just me but I'm just not cut out for having the time to do things that I don't want to do.
For many years, I was a late night girl. I burned the midnight oil. I stayed up into the wee hours doing laundry, cleaning, making plans, being creative, surfing the web, emailing friends, sneaking cigarettes, sipping wine, planning meals, organizing schedules, cooking, reading, thinking, writing--escaping the hub bub of my daily life--seeking just a few quiet moments all to myself. Sometimes I was productive. Other times not so much. But, it was time that I needed. Even when I desperately needed sleep--I would forgo it just to catch some Judi time. Being bleary eyed and comatose felt worth it.
I wish I would have known then what I know now. I wouldn't have tried to eek out so much alone time if I would have known that I would have scads of it this soon. Life can be so unfair.
I'm sure I'll figure this all out. Soon, I'll be back to crying the "I don't have a moment to myself" blues. Mark my word.
This is all new territory for me.
The last time I had too much time on my hands, I cured it by having children. Since that's not going to happen again--I better start figuring this out. Before someone figures it out for me. I'm pretty sure this time is supposed to be about me.
I just have to remember who ME is and what ME wants.
I just know I don't want to do the dishes.
At least not now.