As we roll into another season, it appears I may be doing it pantless.
It all happened quite suddenly.
Taking me completely by surprise.
Looks as though my lazy days of summer were not that lazy at all.
By Lapbanding and praying by way through the past few months, the pants I put away in May are too big.
Yes, they are too big.
Did you hear what I just said?.....they are too big.
Too big.
Yes, that's right.
Too big.
Alright, alright, before you start throwing the rotten tomatoes at the computer screen---please give me my moment.
Just this once.
Let me do the happy dance.
Allow me to get up on my desk and shake my ass and squeal.....
WOO HOO, I AM THE SKINNY BITCH OF THE WORLD, YEAH, LOOK AT ME, AH HA, MY PANTS ARE SO BIG I MIGHT HAVE TO CALL OFF WORK BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO PUT ON MY ASS BUT I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK BECAUSE WOOOO HOOOO ALL MY PANTS ARE TOO BIG AND THAT MEANS THAT I NEED TO GO SHOPPING AND BUY NEW PANTS THAT ARE A SIZE SMALLER THAN EVER AND I AM THE SKINNY BITCH AND EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO PANTS I AM NOT GOING TO LET IT RUIN THIS MOMENT BECAUSE YEAH I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ALL MY PANTS ARE TOO BIG AND YEAH YAHOO I LOVE MY LAPBAND!
Alrighty then....now that that's over with.....it's time to deal with my latest crisis.
I have no pants.
See, just because I wear a perfect size 10 or an almost perfect size 8 doesn't mean my life is perfect.
Well, unless you consider the fact that I wear a perfect size 10 or an almost perfect size 8.
Because yes, then, I guess you could say it's pretty damn perfect.
Except for the pantless problem.
And the fact that I have to come up with a better excuse than I do not have any pants that fit to wear to work.
Hello, Martha, this is Judi..
Yes, I won't be in today.
Oh....um....well.....I've got chills
From the waist down.
No, no fever.
I don't think it's the swine flu....no.
Yes, the chills are localized.
No I haven't seen a doctor.
Thanks for your concern.
I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.
See you then.
Yes, I'll be sure to keep you updated if things don't improve.
Yes, I won't be in today.
Oh....um....well.....I've got chills
From the waist down.
No, no fever.
I don't think it's the swine flu....no.
Yes, the chills are localized.
No I haven't seen a doctor.
Thanks for your concern.
I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.
See you then.
Yes, I'll be sure to keep you updated if things don't improve.
5 comments:
Yeah, I wish that was my only problem....
Jill from NY
Good for you buddy...I plan on coming here all day today and re-read your comment as inspiration. You see yesterday I ate everything in sight (sigh!).Yep even after a first fill, no restriction!
L
Size 10 or almost 8? Yes, your life is perfect. Forget the pants, throw on some tights and show off those legs!
Wow Judi!! Good for you!! I hope I can ride your inspirational coat tails and start getting down in the sizes.
Again, congratulations!! You absolutely deserve it!!
Jody
I'd be a wearing a g string and not much else if I was size 8/10 and let me tell you - there wouldnt be a chill! I'd be ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!
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