if I would have known then what I know now.....
What is it that I know now?
That's a very good question.
It seems like all of my life I struggled with my weight. At least that's the way it seems. I was always trying to lose that 10 pounds, that 20 pounds, that 40 pounds. Yet, over the years, as my weight ballooned and crept up well over the 200 pound marker, I'd look back at those pictures from yesteryears and gasp "I thought I was fat?!?!?" Clearly, I wasn't fat. What the hell was I thinking?
So, now that I'm older and wiser--I have to ask---did all of those weight problems really exist? As a matter of fact, I wonder if by embarking on all those diets for all those years, I somehow managed to make myself fatter. Did all those diets and imaginary weight issues cause my obesity? Was I just a normal girl with a few extra pounds to lose who somehow managed to turn it all into a weight problem?
Sure, I wasn't rail thin and sure and I had a penchant for putting on weight at the drop of a hat. Case in point--I'm positive that the morning after I conceived each child, I woke up 10 pounds heavier. (I guess that wasn't a drop of a hat...more like the drop of the pants!) Both pregnancies brought me well over 90 pounds a piece! And, I didn't deliver huge babies! And, sure, I definitely come from a long line of overweight folks. And, believe you me--I could put away some pasta! But, honestly, was I really ever fat...until I became OBESE?
You know, I'll never forget the year leading up to my 40th birthday. That is the year that I blame my obesity on. I was determined to arrive at 40 thin. And, so, I set out on a year long journey to reach that goal. Thousands of dollars and one year of pill popping later--I made it happen. I lost a total of 65 pounds. I was happy. I was thin. When I was 40.
Do you want some proof?
Here I am at the tender age of 40....at my 40th birthday bash. It was that millisecond of time when I was thin.....and 40.
The pants I wore that night didn't fit me a mere 2 weeks later. By Easter of that year (2 1/2 months later), I was packing up my Size 10 wardrobe and out shopping for 12s. By the 4th of July, I needed Size 14. After that....I shopped and dieted through my 40's....up and down the sizes until finally landing in a Size 24 at age 48. So, there you have it---8 years of spending thousands of dollars--on clothes and diets...only to land in clothes that were 14 sizes larger.
And, now, I am left to wonder--if I could go back to my teens or my twenties or even my 30's with the knowledge that I have now--would I go on diet after diet after diet?
I'd love to tell you that I would answer NO to that question. But, I'm not sure.....
I'm pretty sure I'd still love being this girl in the 40's Sucks Hat....
(thank you dear Debbie Dean for the pix!)
I have learned a lot over the years and I'm hoping to someday put it all to work for me. But, until then---my journey continues....