I'm a lifer......

I know, you're wondering what the heck this picture has to do with the topic of today's post. In a very abstract way, it is all connected. Trust me. At least in my head. But, beyond that, it just makes me smile. I hope it makes you smile too. You can never have enough smiles!


The other day, in a feverish quest for just the right pants to fit me, I got a little frustrated in the dressing room. So, I let out a few naughty words. Not real naughty. But naughty enough. Immediately, Lora--a lovely woman who waits on me occasionally--came to my rescue. Or, maybe she was trying to quiet me, who knows. There I was, standing in front of the 3 way mirror looking at the 8th pair of pants I had tried on, damning the clothes designers for not making them for real people like myself. Everyone knows that feeling. Legs too long. Waist okay. Zipper pulls over tummy. Rear end looks like the moon. You get the picture.....everyone gets it....I have a valid complaint. So, Lora says to me...."did you try the other ones?" I pointed to the dressing room where the first 7pair I tried on were scattered about the floor. "Ohhhhh dear" she said, putting her hand over her mouth. "I just don't think your pants are made for me," I told her. At the point, she probably imagined thousands of dollars walking out the door. "Nooo, that can't be, honey. You always shop here!" she tried to soothe me. She didn't want to lose me as probably one of their best customers of the 21st Century. "Yes, I know. But, I must be in between your sizes or something because nothing is working for me! Those are too big, those don't work with my belly, those are too snug, those are way too long....I give up!" I whined. "Well, we'll just have to figure it out," she offered. "All I want is one pair of pants, maybe two. Pants that will go with everything. That's it. I don't need jackets or sweaters or blouses or skirts. I need pants!" I told her. She surveyed the floor, looked at the pants I had on and started to think. "You know, I swear by Spanx. It's the poor girl's tummy tuck" she offered. I told her that I am a Spanx devotee from way back. "Well, then, let's try them on with some Spanx!" she triumphantly suggested. "I have a few pair for just that reason right here!" she said, scampering off to the secret drawer where they keep their supply. Unfortunately, the Spanx didn't solve many problems. So, I headed back into the store to look some more....maybe I missed the perfect pair. A few moments later, Lora came over to see how I was doing..."what do you think the problem is?" she asked. I told her about my Lap band surgery and explained about the excess skin that seems to be hanging around my middle long after the weight has left my body. "Ohhhh....." she said with some degree of understanding. With that, she excused herself to attend to another customer. A few minutes later, she came back. "So, you had that band put on?" she asked me in a very hushed voice. So, I explained a little more about it and told her...as I tell everyone...it was the best thing I ever did...even if I can't find pants! Again, she went off to help another shopper. A few moments later, as I was eyeing up a pretty jacket that I definitely did not need, I could hear a voice saying "Pssst....". I looked around and saw no one. Again, I heard it. Again, no one. Then, I heard someone whispering..."Judi...." I turned around and saw Lora hiding behind a big rack of pants. She quickly motioned for me to come over....as if she was hiding from someone. I thought...."alleluiah, she found me some pants!". But, no. "So..." she said in a quick whisper..."do you have to keep that in there forever?" she asked--motioning to my stomach, looking around as if someone might catch us talking. Why all the clandestine behavior?--I wondered. "Yes, it's in there forever..." I began, my voice mimicing her hushed tones. "But, you can get it out if you want. But, why would you?" I told her. "Yeah, but it's in there forever?" she said, her eyes darting about looking for who-knows-who. "Yes," I told her, this time wondering why in the hell we were hiding behind the rack, bending down as if we were picking something up. "It's just that it seems like once you lose the weight, you might get it out," she continued to whisper. So, I quietly explained the whole procedure to her....filling the band, the restriction, etc. "Ohhhh...." she said with great interest, whispering again. "So, it's in there forever? Right?" she said, this time standing erect, talking a little louder. "Yes, for me, at least" I told her, talking in normal tones. "Okay, thanks," she said, touching my arm. Then, she returned to her salesperson mode and went to help a woman who was looking at sweaters on a nearby table. Honestly, I have no clue why we were hunched behind a rack of pants whispering. I can't imagine she would lose her job if she was caught talking to someone who practically keeps their store in business. The only thing I can think is that some people think wieght loss surgery is one of those topics that you don't discuss in public or among genteel folks. Who knows. Perhaps it's the whole stigma that goes along with obesity, I'm not sure. Whatever it was that kept Lora crouched down behind a huge rack of pants whispering about my Lapband, I want to fix it. Yes, you heard me. I want to fix it. I'm not sure how or when or how long it will take me but I want to bring obesity and weight loss surgery out from behind the racks of pants and out among the shoes and the purses and the accessories and the jackets and the cash register and all over the mall........
My Lapband is here to stay and I don't want to be quiet about it.....

Could this be one of the things on my "WHAT I WILL DO WHEN I'M 50" list?