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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Good Morning Lapband!

My Lapband is the first thing I think of when I open my eyes each morning and the last thing I think of before I drift off to sleep each night. And, I think about it many times in between. It's not that I don't have other things to think about or other things that are more important, it's just that keeping myself feeling well and on track is what helps me to keep the rest of my life in check. I'm a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, coworker and all around person when I'm taking care of myself and attending to my health. It has taken me a very long time to figure out that if I'm not well, I can't take care of the things that are important to me. Allowing my body and my mind to be ravaged by obesity without doing something about it cost me quite a lot. Not that anyone really knew it. In fact, I'll bet most people didn't give it a second thought. They just saw me getting fatter and fatter and fatter. My family was fed, my house was somewhat clean, the lawn was mowed, all the Christmas gifts were bought and wrapped, no one went without a birthday gift, the flowers were planted, the pumpkins were on the porch, I went to work each day and I paid my taxes. Who knew that by taking care of everyone and everything else, I had let myself drop to the bottom of the list? I didn't take the time to really look myself in the mirror and realize that while I was giving to everyone else, I was neglecting the person they all depended on--ME. In fact, I am pretty sure that I believed--in my heart of hearts--that I had to come last. Everyone else and everything else in my life had to come first. Don't even ask me how or why I held to that obsolete thinking. I wouldn't have admitted it even if I was called on it. And, quite possibly, I didn't even realize that's the way it was with me. I just woke up each day and went through the motions of making Judiland rock. When I went to bed each night, I thought about all the things I had to do for others and wondered if I did them right, if I did enough and how I could make it better next time. Every once in awhile, I might have let myself think about something else. But, mostly, my waking thoughts and my last thoughts of the day were about taking care of the rest of my world and not me.
My Lapband has changed all that....

Once I took the reigns and decided to take charge of my body and my health, things changed. All of a sudden--I had to put myself first. When it all started, I had to make the time for all of the things I needed to do to get the surgery. I had to ignore the schedules and the demands of others because I had to make sure that I jumped through every hoop, attended every session, made every appointment, scheduled every test, followed every step and did everything they told me I had to do so that I could be eligible and ready for the surgery. Then, afterwards, I had to make sure that I set aside the time to learn how to live with a Lapband. I had to plan meals, count proteins, schedule fills and go for my appointments. And, I had to take the time to do what I needed to do to be successful. I had to understand what my Lapband could do and what it could not do. It was a tool....not a miracle. I had to weave that into my life and make it work. It took time and energy and commitment and desire. And, it meant that sometimes I had to turn my back on things that I used to do for others. I had to make it known that I could not give 150% to everything and everyone else in my life. I had to tell myself...and others...that I came first. Me and my Lapband. And, along with that, I had to convince myself that I was not being a selfish egomaniac. That was probably the hardest part. But, now I know. I know that by taking care of myself, I am giving the best gift of all to others---a happy, healthy me.


Kathy said...

Good for you Judi. Your entry is like reading my own life as well. You wrote it so well, I couldn't improve upon it. Have a wonderful day......Kathy

Sher's Creative Expressions said...

God Bless You Judi. Yes, it's the good girl syndrome so many of us suffer from. Good wife, mom, daughter, friend, worker, homemaker, cook. I understand and enjoyed reading your post this AM.



Deluzy said...

Great post, Judi. Ditto from the land of the DS.

Ashley said...

i feel the same way. the days that i eat good and exercise i feel so good all around. i'm nicer to people, don't mind work and jsut feel good about ME! keep it going!!

luv ya

Daffodil Hill said...

I'm so glad that you have started taking care of yourself. I remember encouraging you to do this very thing. Good for you! I am so proud of you!

Yeah, I DID "fall" for that frog, but I got to spend the best years of my life with a handsome prince. No doubt Papa laughed 'til he cried over his little prank. Very funny, Papa! ; )

MariB said...

HI JUDI! MISSED YOU and reading your blog everyday but got your emails when I got back to work today! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! Your concern is sooooooooooooooo sweet.
I am just catching up now b/c I had computer issues at home while recooping from the reband surgery last month. Back to work and feeling good. I will post more at another time. I am doing a new shift (1-9) for a few months until the reg person gets back from maternity leave (that is what I get for being off 6 weeks with this). Hope to see you when I am at Magee in Nov. You are doing awesome!
BTW,I am still wearing those pink crocs!!!! Looooooove them so much!