Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Good Morning Lapband!
My Lapband is the first thing I think of when I open my eyes each morning and the last thing I think of before I drift off to sleep each night. And, I think about it many times in between. It's not that I don't have other things to think about or other things that are more important, it's just that keeping myself feeling well and on track is what helps me to keep the rest of my life in check. I'm a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, coworker and all around person when I'm taking care of myself and attending to my health. It has taken me a very long time to figure out that if I'm not well, I can't take care of the things that are important to me. Allowing my body and my mind to be ravaged by obesity without doing something about it cost me quite a lot. Not that anyone really knew it. In fact, I'll bet most people didn't give it a second thought. They just saw me getting fatter and fatter and fatter. My family was fed, my house was somewhat clean, the lawn was mowed, all the Christmas gifts were bought and wrapped, no one went without a birthday gift, the flowers were planted, the pumpkins were on the porch, I went to work each day and I paid my taxes. Who knew that by taking care of everyone and everything else, I had let myself drop to the bottom of the list? I didn't take the time to really look myself in the mirror and realize that while I was giving to everyone else, I was neglecting the person they all depended on--ME. In fact, I am pretty sure that I believed--in my heart of hearts--that I had to come last. Everyone else and everything else in my life had to come first. Don't even ask me how or why I held to that obsolete thinking. I wouldn't have admitted it even if I was called on it. And, quite possibly, I didn't even realize that's the way it was with me. I just woke up each day and went through the motions of making Judiland rock. When I went to bed each night, I thought about all the things I had to do for others and wondered if I did them right, if I did enough and how I could make it better next time. Every once in awhile, I might have let myself think about something else. But, mostly, my waking thoughts and my last thoughts of the day were about taking care of the rest of my world and not me.
My Lapband has changed all that....
Once I took the reigns and decided to take charge of my body and my health, things changed. All of a sudden--I had to put myself first. When it all started, I had to make the time for all of the things I needed to do to get the surgery. I had to ignore the schedules and the demands of others because I had to make sure that I jumped through every hoop, attended every session, made every appointment, scheduled every test, followed every step and did everything they told me I had to do so that I could be eligible and ready for the surgery. Then, afterwards, I had to make sure that I set aside the time to learn how to live with a Lapband. I had to plan meals, count proteins, schedule fills and go for my appointments. And, I had to take the time to do what I needed to do to be successful. I had to understand what my Lapband could do and what it could not do. It was a tool....not a miracle. I had to weave that into my life and make it work. It took time and energy and commitment and desire. And, it meant that sometimes I had to turn my back on things that I used to do for others. I had to make it known that I could not give 150% to everything and everyone else in my life. I had to tell myself...and others...that I came first. Me and my Lapband. And, along with that, I had to convince myself that I was not being a selfish egomaniac. That was probably the hardest part. But, now I know. I know that by taking care of myself, I am giving the best gift of all to others---a happy, healthy me.