Love Thy Neighbor.......

Earlier today, as I was racing out the door, my next door neighbor stopped for a chat. She was heading out to jog in the frigid, blustery weather. She is the Queen of Fitness. And, I'm not kidding. She heads up some fitness-health program at a local hospital. She has a PhD in some kind of fitness-health thing. I should know--I went to her PhD party. I remember it well......it was the ONLY party I ever went to that had a menu where the calories, fat content and every other imaginable ingredient were listed. It was one of those parties where you go out to eat afterwards. But, you have to hand it to her...she practices what she preaches. She exercises consistently. Rain or shine, she runs. From my dining room window, I can watch her lift weights and ride her stationery bike. And, if I happen to be standing at just the right angle in my bathroom, I can watch her do yoga. I am not sure when she does laundry but she is in spectacular shape. She's a 46 year old woman who had 3 children yet her body shows no sign of them. And, she can wear the tiniest of bikinis (and she does!). Definitely NOT someone who you want to live next door to if you have body issues. THIS is a woman who screams "SHAPE UP" as she jogs past my house while I sit on my porch. She makes me want to light up a cigarette, down a margarita and eat nachos. But, honestly, I like her in spite of her military style, little waist, washboard abs and lean thighs. She means well. Case in point......she has been encouraging---"looks like that lapband might be working!" she yelled over to me one day as I was cleaning up the garden and she was warming up for a run. "Thanks!" I called back to her. "Come on, Judi, join me! Your lapband can't do everything!" she called out as she zoomed by in her body hugging running ensemble. I just waved her on--- "next time I promise!" After that---I stayed in the house during her peak jogging hours. So, as I was saying--- we chatted about this and that. "So, how's your new year going? Any big plans or resolutions?" she asked. Considering the fact that she is who she is, I figured I should tell her what she wanted to hear---"Oh yeah, I'm tackling some new projects. Exercise. Get in shape. Organize things. Maybe take up jogging....." I told her with great conviction. She wrinkled up her nose and sort of tilted her head--probably wondering what the hell got into me. "Not a good time. Research has proven that January is the least optimal time to do that. Starting anything like that in January is doomed for failure, " she began. "It's a very bad idea" she lectured. "I can give you some reading material on that...." she offered. "Hmmm....." I said, trying to come up with a good way to tell her that I did not need to read anything to convince me that it was a bad idea. I've been failing at those things for years. In fact, I am probably who the research is based on! "That's interesting....." was the only thing I managed to say. "Oh yes, it's time to cocoon. Listen to your body. You are craving fats," she explained, as if she were reading my horoscope. "It's the whole hibernation thing. We are mammals, you know," she continued. "Cocoon, hibernate and eat fats," I repeated back to her for confirmation. "Exactly, " she answered with pride in her voice---as if she had just converted me. "So where are you going?" she asked. "Have to get my lapband filled," I told her. "Well, you just go and do that!" she said with a big smile. And, then she ran off. For a moment, I wondered what she was thinking. Had she given up on trying to get me in shape? Why didn't she give me a lecture? What did she mean by...."well you just go and do that"? But, soon I realized that something really wonderful had just happened-----I could, without any guilt whatsoever, sit on my porch---in January--without worrying that she would try to recruit me for a 5 mile power walk. Wonderful! I was off the hook.....in January.