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Saturday, January 12, 2008

Praise the SHOES!

Forgive me, friends, because I have sinned. It has been 5 months since my Lapband. I ate Coconut Cream Pie. On Thursday night. I scooped it right out the plate. With the refrigerator open. It was good. I felt sick. Give me my penance, please.

I'm Catholic. I confess my sins. I do my penance. After that, things are back to normal. So, the day after my coconut cream pie episode, I felt a need to confess my transgression. Although I knew it was absurd, I was hoping that maybe if I confessed, the calories would vanish. The confessional diet is one that I had never tried before. So, I made it up as I went along. The rule was that I couldn't confess to just anyone. It had to be a Lapbanded person. A Lapbanded priest would be the best choice. But, the next best choice would be a Lapbanded school nurse. My newly Lapbanded friend Sandy fit the bill perfectly. She would hear my confession. In addition to the fact that I could trust her, I knew she would go soft on me in the penalty phase. So, in the course of an email conversation, I confessed. I poured my heart out. I told her exactly what happened. Every detail. A little while later----she emailed me back with my penance. Buy new shoes.

As it turns out, buying a new pair of shoes is the perfect penance for a coconut pie episode like I had. Pointy toe shoes with at least a 2.5 inch kitten heel. Research proves that pointy toe shoes with at least a 2.5 inch kitten heel are slimming. So, essentially, pointy toe shoes with at least a 2.5 inch kitten heel will virtually do away with the coconut creme pie. Thank God I believe in confession and penance and shoe shopping.

Toni and I headed over to the Galleria for a chai latte and a little exercise. On our way from Starbuck's, we were sidelined by a sidewalk sale at our favorite "wish" shoe store....a place where we love to window shop and dream. Piled high on the tables were designer shoe after designer shoe...on sale! Shoes that were typically out of our price range were now a little closer to what we would consider spending. Yes, it was a religious experience. Send in the alleluia chorus! Nestled right there between a black patent baby doll wedge with a red button clasp and a pair of pink sparkle rubber tipped canvas shoes sat my penance. On sale (originally $210!). Pearly-grey-silver slides. Pointy toe. 2.5 inch kitten heel. Amazing grace. Amen. Alleluia. I slipped them on. Choirs of angels sang. And, then, as if one miracle was not enough---Toni found her dream shoes. Gold clogs. Juicey Coutour. On sale (originally $175).

Pass the basket!!!


Anonymous said...

Saint Judi,
IF I would have known you were serving up mass, could have come here instead. I'll be supa-happy to hear your confessions next time you are in need of a mildly overweight chronic dieter I am happy to hook you up with a happy hour penance. Buy rounds and you are forgiven.
Can you and Toni show pics of the shoes?
lovin' ya!
Amen Jen

Anonymous said...

Thanks for continuing to share... my diet journeys may not have been as long as the one you are on, but I've eaten my share of "filling out of the pie"...

You KNOW I can't wait to see the shoes. R.