I am a SCALE WHORE........

You heard it here friends. And, the only way to begin my recovery is to tell my story......

I always imagined that on the day that the scale said that I lost 50 pounds, church bells would ring, cannons would go off, fireworks would shoot into the sky, bartenders would buy rounds, dancing would erupt in the streets, choirs would sing, and I.....well.....I would kiss the scale. And, not just a little peck. I'm talking a long, hard kiss. Damn, I figured I'd be kissing that scale for at least 5 minutes! But, that's not exactly what happened. You know how it is---- fantasy life can be so much more exciting and passionate than real life. When the reality of that hits, it can lead us down some very dark and murky paths. That's what happened to me. When I could not get the thrill that I craved from one scale, I went out looking for others that could satisfy me. It was trouble with a capital "T".

You see, after my surgery, I started this ritual of weighing myself on Tuesday mornings. Not sure why I picked that particular day but it worked out at the time so I went with it. Since I didn't want to obsess over the numbers on the scale, I needed a routine to keep me from weighing myself every 12 hours (which I would have done!). Anyway, as time went on, there were a few Tuesdays in a row when I was not too happy with what the scale had to say. My Tuesdays are rough enough without having to deal with scale misery. Soon, I could not bear those Tuesday morning weigh- ins. You see, there's this meeting that I have to go every Tuesday morning. It ain't a pretty meeting. Here, let me try to put it in perspective without giving you the blood draining details---when I leave my office to go to this particular meeting, my teammates wish me good luck, give me a blessing and promise to call 911 if I am not back in 2 hours. So, you can imagine why I would not want to get bad news at the scale and then have to deal with the maze of gauntlets and land mines at that meeting---all within the same 24 hours. So.......I sort of got out of my Tuesday morning weigh-in habit. I became loose----I started weighing myself without a schedule. This past week, as I inched closer and closer to the 50 lb mark, I began to obsess about the number on the scale. So, there I was.....weighing myself at least 2 times a day.....once at home on my fancy digital scale and then once at the gym on their "slider" scale. It felt like those scales were in different "weight zones" (like time zones)! In the morning, I'd be THIS close to 50 lbs gone. At night, not so. Then, the next day I'd be THAT close. At night, nope. Next day---THIS close again. At night---no way! Which scale could I trust?? Maddening. Anyway, late last week when I did my morning weigh in, my fancy digital scale finally said it---50 lbs were gone. Of course, I didn't believe it. That scale could not be trusted. That night when I weighed myself at the gym---my instincts paid off....I had not really lost 50 lbs. This went on for several days. I had no idea when I could finally feel safe saying that I lost 50 lbs. In my mania, I knew I had to find another scale before I could commit. But, that wasn't enough---I had to find another. And, then, another. Yes, I was becoming a scale whore. Hopping off one scale then going in search of another. Then another. And another. Never quenched. Never trusting. I never even looked at their faces. Just their numbers. Sometimes I'd even have a smoke right afterwards. It all started out so innocently----all I ever wanted was for one of them to say the same thing as another one. They never did. Soon, I found myself in the tawdry and seedy scale underworld. This is where scales will say what they think you want to hear just to get you to jump on them. They will lie to you. They will give you false hope. And, they will never respect you. Today, I realized that I don't want to live this way any longer. I need help. And, I also realized that the scale that I have at home is the scale I need to commit to. So, this morning, I shed my robe, stepped on my scale and made a promise that I'll never stray again. My scale responded.

Yes, those 50 lbs are gone.