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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Let's talk about bitches and beans.......

Sound good to you?






Let me set the scene.....
As a formerly obese person and a life-long diet junkie, my ears perk up when I hear anything that has to do with either.   So, yeah, when I heard this piece of news, it immediately stuck with me and gave me just one more nugget of conversation to add to my arsenal of "small talk".....  
Stay with me here....
So, last night, there we were....my dear  caterer-to-the-stars friend-- Patty--and I.....shopping for a boat load of green beans (12 lbs to be exact) at our local overpriced marketplace.  Why were we buying a boatload of green beans?  Well, because she is catering a very special party at her sister's (who is a local celebrity) home tomorrow night.  And, I am in charge of some of the cooking......making my famous Marsala Mustard Marscapone Green Beans (recipe below) for 200 people.  Yes, 200 people....
 Bagging up 12 pounds of the most perfect green beans takes some time, trust me. 
So, we had to come up something to talk about.  
Enter my new piece of small talk......obesity has now been  declared a disease.  
Patty is not obese...by any means. But,  like the most of my friends....she is always talking about her battle with her weight.   And, she is as much of a diet junkie as me....she's always looking for the perfect diet!   So, naturally, she was one of my biggest and most ardent cheerleaders through my Lap band journey.  I swear that woman knew every ounce I lost and made as much of a commotion about  a 1 ounce loss  as she did about  my 100+ pound loss. 
And, she can make lots of commotion....trust me.  
Let me prove that point....
As she and I tore through the green beans, we chatted on and on about the obesity-is-a-disease news.  Naturally, we each had our own input and thoughts on the matter.   Although we were not really at odds on the matter, it sparked a lively discussion to help us pass the time as we did our green bean picking. 
Next to us, a very well dressed, highly accessorized and thin-thin woman was looking for her own green beans.  Patty recognized her from a party she had catered earlier in the year and asked her if she was so-and-so.   The woman said "yes, I am so-and-so, I remember you....the waitress at so-and-so's party....right?" 
Patty didn't take to kindly to so-and-so calling her the waitress....when, in fact, she was the caterer. 
So, she made it her business to let her know "no, I own the catering business.  I did the catering at so-and-so's party.  In fact, that's what my friend Judi and I are doing right now...I am catering a big party at my sister's (she name dropped her sister-the-local-celebrity name....).   We are buying green beans for 200 people!" 
The woman perked up upon hearing  Patty's sister's name...."Oh, I didn't realize that was you sister.  Where is the party?" 
 And, so Patty went on and on about her sister's amazing home and detailed the latest and greatest thing that happened with her sister and the fact that her other sister (who is also a local celebrity of sorts....as is most of her family...lol!) would also be there.....yadda, yadda, yadda.
The woman was duly impressed and started chatting about this person and that person and parties and doing all sorts of name dropping......"you should try to get the catering jobs at this person's house or that person's house.  They are fabulous!  You can use my name to get an in..."
Patty would have none of it.  She wasn't too happy with all the show-offiness of this woman. 
So, she battled back by telling her that she does all the parties for this person and that person and this event and that event and doesn't even have the time to fit in more clients (all of this is true information, by the way).  
 This only spurred the woman on.....name dropping away and mentioning this party and that party....reciting the social register, of sorts.
It wasn't sitting too well with Patty.  At. All.  
Patty was nudging me and glancing over at me.....whointhehelldoesthiswomanthinksheis?
Then, the woman said...."I heard you talking about diet doctors."
I guess that's what she garnered from eaves dropping on our convo.
"No, we were talking about OBESITY," Patty corrected her.
"Oh, well, I was just going to say that my friend's husband is Dr. So-and-So---you know, the diet doctor. And, you know, he does not recommend any kind of weight loss surgery,"  she told Patty with an air of arrogance.
Just as I was about to say that of course he doesn't recommend any kind of weight loss surgery....he runs a pill mill...WLS  would cut into his profits....Patty did it for me.  "Why would he recommend weight loss surgery if it would stop patients from paying him to lose weight?" 
The woman grimaced.  
"No, that is NOT the reason!  He just feels that doctors and patients are too quick to run to surgery when they could find other methods of losing the weight.  Self control being one of them!"   she said with a very obnoxious air of authority.
I figured this to be my time to chime in.
But, Patty took command.
"Let me introduce you to my friend Judi," Patty said pointing at me.  "She had weight loss surgery AFTER paying your friend's husband thousands of dollars to lose weight that eventually came back! She got a Lap Band and lost over 100 pounds!  Really!" 
Yes, Patty was ready for a fight.
I, on other hand, just wanted to get my green beans and get the hell out of there.
I had lots of cooking to do. 
The woman looked over at me and with a quick but insincere smile said "Well, congratulations to you..."  
Patty came out with all guns blarring.... "THAT WAS SIX YEARS AGO!  SIX!  And, she kept it off!   FOR SIX YEARS!  FOREVER AND EVER! So, don't tell us that weight loss surgery is not a good option!"   Patty bellowed, pounding on the mound of green beans for effect. 
Although I applauded Patty's tenacity and devotion to weight loss surgery and her desire to defend it, I knew there was much more to her ferocious behavior.
And, I knew just what it was.The woman tried to demean her and talk down to her.  Patty was pissed.
Thankfully, after a few less attacking words, we bid the woman toot-a-loo and took our beans and got out of there.
As we stood in line, I could tell Patty was very agitated. 
So, I tried to jostle her back to a place of peace....and green beans. 
"She is just a bitch...."  Patty noted, huffing and puffing.... "and if you didn't have that damn weight loss surgery and lost all that weight, I would have made you sit on that bitch...."
I had to laugh.  That was such a Patty thing to say.
"It's time to make green beans, bitch."   I laughed as we paid for our 12 pounds of  green beans. 


 Marsala Mustard Marscapone Green Beans

  2 pounds fresh, cleaned and cut green beans, cooked aldente
 Salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 cup of chicken broth
5 tablespoons butter, divided
3/4 cup chopped onion
1 pound cremini and baby portobella mushrooms, sliced
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1 cup dry Marsala wine
1 cup (8 ounces) marscapone cheese
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves, plus whole sprigs, for garnish
12 ounces dried fettuccine

Directions
Melt 2 tablespoons of butter over medium-high heat, then add the onion and saute until tender, about 2 minutes. Add the mushrooms and garlic and saute until the mushrooms are tender and the juices evaporate, about 12 minutes. Add the wine and chicken broth.  Simmer until it is reduced by half, about 4 minutes. Stir in the mascarpone and mustard.  Add cooked green beans.  Simmer, uncovered, over medium-low heat until sauce thickens slightly, about 2 minutes. Stir in the chopped parsley. Season the sauce, to taste, with salt and pepper.









 










3 comments:

Grandma Bonnie said...

Judi,
I love your stories. I read your blog everyday and thouroghly enjoy it.
You sound like a great friend.

Barbara said...

Omg Judi. I peed my pants laughing!!!this is a classic. You should submit it to readers digest.

FitBy40 said...

I felt like I was there! Awesome story.
I want to come visit, and rub elbows with all these famous people you know!