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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Lessons never learned and learning lessons.....

 here in Judiland.   

This is me......June 2013
This is me (with Carmen's family) June 2012
This is me.....June 2011
This is me.....June 2010
This is me.....June 2009
This is me.....June 2008

I've been blogging for close to 6 years....which accounts for my entire Lap Banded life.  
What that means is that I can go back and read my blog posts to get a historical view of what was going on in my entire Lap Band journey.
It's all right here in black and white.   And pictures. 
Although I don't do it all that much.....every so often, when I have the time, I venture back to visit myself in those years....just to see what was going on and how I looked.....
That's what happened last night.
In a fit of Tuesday night frustration and a bit of boredom, I decided to visit Judiland circa June 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012.  
 And, I found myself reading the story of a woman who has been struggling either with weight or self image or both.   Even though I think the pictures tell a different story....
It's astounding, really.  Considering how much my Lap Band has given me and how successful my journey has been....there's always those moments when I was wrestling with 5 pounds or 10 pounds or tight pants or bad food choices or parties or events or temptations and the accompanying feelings of failure and lack of will power......or all of the above.
And, nothing has changed.
When I look over some of the postings I've made in recent days.....I am still dealing with the same issues, the same pounds and the same frustrations. 
Six. Years. Later.  
I wondered.....was this the wake-up call that I needed or was this just what I need to come to accept?
I tossed and turned all night contemplating this very big question.
It's a mighty big question.
This morning when I awoke...I asked myself... is the fact that I tossed and turned contemplating it mean that I  really need to deal with all of this or should I adjust my expectations of myself or do I need to accept this as part of my journey and move on?
I often joke that I am just too damn old to change who I am and what I am about.
Is that really a joke?  
Even though I don't consider myself old by any means.....I do believe that there are some things about myself that I just don't have the desire or the interest  in changing at this point of my life and I am not about to waste my energy to do it.  I chalk it up to accepting myself and allowing myself the freedom to do as I want and act as I please (of course, as long as it's not hurting anyone).....because I am 54. 
Should I hold myself to that belief even when it comes to weight maintenance?
Because, you know, when I look back at the picturography above....I don't see a huge difference in much except the color of my hair and a few lines and wrinkles and my choice of libations.......

And, the journey continues......


FitBy40 said...

I want a nice drink after looking at your pics!
I think you look lovely and you must be doing something right.
Keep up the great work!

Lap Band Gal said...

Great post! onwards! :)