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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I am not as young as I used to be.......

But, I just never knew it!

As I think I've confessed many times, my exercise routine is a combination of doing life in Judiland (it's a very tiring me!) and walking. 
Yes, I've tried other things....zumba, aerobics, hi-low, kick boxing, weights, cycling, treadmills..... and I even had myself a personal trainer for a millasecond.
But, damn, I just couldn't hang with the gym stuff or the organized classes.
And, the trainer was just an evil, evil being.....he and I didn't see eye-to-eye on things like resting and just taking a break after a set of arm lifts or leg lifts or whatever the hell else he was having me do!   He was just a little too into pushing me to the limit and torturing me just for fun.    
Yeah, just wasn't my thing....
I admit it all.......

Although I've always considered myself a pretty intense walker....after doing it for all these years....I've been proven wrong.  
Very wrong. 
Enter my newest walking partner.....our new college grad.....all 21 years and 344 days old of her.....then  add that to my newly designed walking regimen and all of a sudden....I am a walking dud. 
She considers me a slow poke.
Especially on those grueling hills that I introduced to my new regimen.
Hey...they don't call Judiland the South HILLS of Pittsburgh for nothing.
I am literally dragging myself up those damn hills with my new walking partner many steps ahead of she glances back at me with a look of sympathy (or disgust....I'm not sure!).  
"Hey don't judge me.....I am well over twice your age! "
Now I am left with some super butt pain.
Even though I am a slow poke and I am not working it the way I butt is so effin sore that I am having  a rough time sitting......yes, SITTING! And, turning over in bed!
Not to mention the intense pain I am having just walking.
And, this butt pain is making my new walking regimen sheer torture.
Even worse than childbirth!  Yeah. Really. 
Clearly, I never really used those butt muscles in like ever.  
54 years of not using butt muscles is resulting in me practically screeching in pain with each matter how gentile that movement is.  
Pretty soon, I might have to steal my father's walker just to get from point A to point B. 

Trust me, I am suffering.
I am just not the suffering kind of girl.  
Wincing and cringing and squinting my eyes in pain is not good for keeping my facial wrinkles at bay!
The other morning...after a marathon walk the night before.....I found myself wishing for a 3 martini hangover instead of the kind of misery I was in. 
That's when you know it's bad....

So, now I am left to wonder, what benefit will this torture have on me?
I didn't set out to tighten up my butt.  
It's my belly fat that I am trying to deal with.
That's what's messing with my pants.
What's a girl gotta do to zap the belly fat and take off a few pounds?
And, don't you dare tell me to do sit-ups.
Remember....I had 2 c-sections and I'm 54 years old.
The only way I know how to get up from a laying-down-on-the-floor position is to roll over, grab on to a piece of stationary furniture and hike myself up on my knees......or yell for someone to come and help me up. 
So, yeah, I don't do sit-ups.

When you are my age, it's okay to be completely unreasonable.  



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