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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Honesty is the best policy.....

...especially when it comes to being honest with yourself! 

I am not as innocent as I look......

The other night, as I found myself rustling through our hidden pile of snacks and evil foods, I had this moment of thrill---no one was there to see me.....I could eat whatever I wanted!  
Chocolate candy?  No problem.....even though I said I would not eat it during Lent....
Ranch potato chips?  Even though they weren't my favorite......
Girl Scout Cookies?  Yes, I was saving them for my children.....
Cheez-Its?   As stale as they were....

Fast forward to the following morning when I was wrestling with a pair of beloved pants, it hit me.....the only person I was fooling was myself.  And, the only person paying the price was.....ME.
As I looked in the mirror at my reflection, I tried to recall the times when those pants went on without effort.   It all seemed so easy back then....
 I didn't want to work myself into a complete frenzy or throw myself on the bed in despair as I had always done during my fat girl days.  I wanted to analyze the situation, figure out a way to work on it and formulate a plan.   I desperately wanted to not be impulsive or as unreasonable as I was during my fat girl days. 
So, I started with a basic question-- What had changed?  
Well, for one thing....the size of my belly had changed.   That was a no-brainer. UGH!
The scale had was 10 pounds over what it was a few months ago.  Yes, it's true. 
And, I was pretty sure something in my head had changed.  
The head thing was the hardest thing to figure out.  As it always is.  
I stood there telling myself that I swore off dieting when I got my Lap band.
I promised myself that I would no longer go in search of a  magic pill to keep me away from the snacks and the evil foods or from overeating.
I had made a commitment to not spend another dime or another resource on shedding pounds. 
I declared a STOP to work out programs that I could not maintain as a way of life! 
But, it was ONLY 10 pounds.  Surely, I could get those off using some magic method like pills or joining a diet program or getting shots or buying the latest diet book or doing some kick-ass work out for a week or so.....
Or, maybe I could just do it all together---pills, program, work out.....YES! 
No one would have to know....I wouldn't tell anyone what I was doing. 
I'd do it all in secret.  

Why was I thinking like that? 
Haven't I learned a damn thing? 


Grandma Bonnie said...

UM yeah, boy can I relate. I am 2 1/2 years out, lost 80. I had shoulder surgery end of december and bam! 8 pounds up. I am freaking out. I know why, mind you. ice cream, pudding, candy. All treats I thought I should have. Also my activity level went way down due to surgery and pain.
I am getting a bitty fill tomorrow. I should not be able to eat the volumes of food that have crept up on my plate. I hope I don't get too tight, but I feel a teeny tiny fill will motivate me and get me back on track.
Bad idea? Ok idea? I will let you know.
Keep fighting!!! I depend on you and your fab blog.

Catherine55 said...

I love your honesty and perspective! Things HAVE changed now. You caught your gain after only one month and 10 pounds. You didn't just ignore it until it became such a big problem that you wouldn't be able to fix it on your own.

And, now we'll have the fun of reading about you losing the 10! You can do it!! :)

FitBy40 said...

The reality is that we'll struggle with this crap for the rest of our lives. Exhausting, but true!
You caught it, and you're on top of it, and you know what to do.
We're here for you!