|I am not as innocent as I look......|
The other night, as I found myself rustling through our hidden pile of snacks and evil foods, I had this moment of thrill---no one was there to see me.....I could eat whatever I wanted!
Chocolate candy? No problem.....even though I said I would not eat it during Lent....
Ranch potato chips? Even though they weren't my favorite......
Girl Scout Cookies? Yes, I was saving them for my children.....
Cheez-Its? As stale as they were....
Fast forward to the following morning when I was wrestling with a pair of beloved pants, it hit me.....the only person I was fooling was myself. And, the only person paying the price was.....ME.
As I looked in the mirror at my reflection, I tried to recall the times when those pants went on without effort. It all seemed so easy back then....
I didn't want to work myself into a complete frenzy or throw myself on the bed in despair as I had always done during my fat girl days. I wanted to analyze the situation, figure out a way to work on it and formulate a plan. I desperately wanted to not be impulsive or as unreasonable as I was during my fat girl days.
So, I started with a basic question-- What had changed?
Well, for one thing....the size of my belly had changed. That was a no-brainer. UGH!
The scale had changed.....it was 10 pounds over what it was a few months ago. Yes, it's true.
And, I was pretty sure something in my head had changed.
The head thing was the hardest thing to figure out. As it always is.
I stood there telling myself that I swore off dieting when I got my Lap band.
I promised myself that I would no longer go in search of a magic pill to keep me away from the snacks and the evil foods or from overeating.
I had made a commitment to not spend another dime or another resource on shedding pounds.
I declared a STOP to work out programs that I could not maintain as a way of life!
But, it was ONLY 10 pounds. Surely, I could get those off using some magic method like pills or joining a diet program or getting shots or buying the latest diet book or doing some kick-ass work out for a week or so.....
Or, maybe I could just do it all together---pills, program, work out.....YES!
No one would have to know....I wouldn't tell anyone what I was doing.
I'd do it all in secret.
Why was I thinking like that?
Haven't I learned a damn thing?