Friday, October 8, 2010
It's hard to believe a week has come and gone since Toni twirled into Judiland and ignited my life with the energy and joy that she always manages to bring with her. We had a tremendous weekend of chatting and shopping and hanging out and laughing and doing what we do.
Yes, I truly miss my girl.
But, in a completely different way than I missed her last year.
Last year, there was a hole in my life.
This year, that hole has been filled up---not exactly sure what it has been filled with.
I'm guessing it's time.
Time has a way of helping most things along.
Last year, I was mourning the loss of a lifestyle--being mom 24-7.
This year, I'm not.
That was so last year.
This year, when the kids leave--I miss what they add to my world.
I miss them as people and I miss the aura that surrounds us when we are together.
I miss the things we do when we are together and I miss the deep, heartfelt happiness of looking into their eyes.
I miss the magical sound of their laughter filling the house.
It's a new way of missing them.
In some ways, the way I miss them is a celebration of them as the individuals I raised.
Yes, I did that....they are my children.
Vince--with his intensity, his boyish wonderment mixed with a touch of genius, his captivating ideas, his brilliant practicality, his love of the absurd, his mastery of trivia, his strong opinions and his out-there sense of humor. The boy who cooks his Nana's Sunday sauce and brews his artisan beers with the same passion and the same drive as he conducts his research and writes his thesis. My son--the boy with the magic eyes, who is oblivious to fashion, who could care less about much more than having just the right tennis shoes and who truly enjoys spending time with and talking to his 89 year old grandfather and his younger cousins.
Yes, he has a penchant for throwing his socks on the floor but he also loves to make me laugh. The man I raised.......
Toni--with her amazing beauty, quick wit and well developed sense of humor. The sweet petite woman child who can dead pan like a pro in the melodic voice of an angel. The lighthearted girl who stresses over things like what shoes to wear as intensely as she concerns herself over career paths and what to do with her life and eyeliner shades. My daughter--the girl could always quote song lyrics and movie lines for any occasion with a spot-on clarity that always seemed to defy her age and understanding. The girl who was blessed with such an incredible sense of style and grace that she radiates it and exudes it without even trying. The girl who has no clue just how talented she is, just how creative she is and just how much she is adored and loved---making everyone feel welcomed into her presence. My daughter, my favorite shopping partner, my biggest cheerleader and the girl who can empty my bank account in a flash. The girl who fiercely reminds me to protect the sanctity of being an independent woman and who makes sure I don't dress dowdy.
The woman I raised....
Missing them as individuals gives me a whole new appreciation of parenthood.
And, a whole new level of anticipation for the next time we will be together.
Fittingly.....I am spending the weekend with the man who raised me.
Yes, I'm on dad duty.
I wonder how he would describe me.
I'll have to ask him.....we'll have lots of time together.