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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Return to the land of backed up drains and leaky pipes.....

but not without first devastating a bride-to-be and then saving her fiancee from certain death.....


Like I told you yesterday, it was a wonderful, wonderful trip.
One of the best I've had in a very long time. For many, many reasons.
I needed it. I got it. And boy I wish it never had to end.
It was the right balance of fun and relaxation and couple time and party time and walking and talking and eating and drinking......well you get the picture...
And, to think.....it is only a little over 3 hours from where I have lived all of my life.
It took me this long to be saved by something so close to home.....at just the right time.
I mean---I've spent hours on highways to reach destinations at the edges of the earth, I flew across oceans, crossed borders, cruised the seas....and yet what I needed was right in my own back yard....
Who knew?



As much as I didn't want it to end---it did.
The kitchen sink backed up within an hour of our arrival home--Carmen said it was hopeless.
The pipe under the sink started leaking....all over the kitchen floor.
It was a holiday.....plumbers double their prices.
My cute little red shoes got wet and I had to scrub the floor.
Welcome back to Judiland.

Somehow, at that very first moment of re- entry.....when goopy shit was spewing back at me from the garbage disposal and mucky water was pissing out of the cabinet and attacking my shoes--I was okay.
After about 2 hours, I was miserable.
But, at that moment......I was okay.

Must have been the dulled senses.
Or something like that....

Thankfully, a little left-over humor and a good deed helped me bumble through yesterday and will get me through today.
Well, that and the fact that the plumber is coming....

Let me tell you my little story.....

On Friday night, while hanging out at a little bar on the Island, I was overcome with great emotion when the singer started the first notes of Lido Shuffle by Boz Scaggs.
It was the album that played over and over again and over and over and over again in the hallway of my college freshman dorm...the 6th Floor of Clyde Hall, to be exact......where I met 5 women who still remain a special and wonderful part of my life....
Fueled by a day of wine tasting and a few margaritas, I sang along....off key, of course....as Carmen sat by and watched in amusement. As I was singing and crying and recalling those great memories, I suddenly felt the great need to share that moment with those special women! Having all of their cell phone numbers, I decided to text them.....sending this simple message to each of them....
Sitting in a little bar, listening to Boz Scaggs, thinking of you, xoxox JC
Four of the five got back to me and we had some very sweet...albeit a bit mushy on my part (but at least they know now just how much I love them....and I'm sure they wondered what the hell I was drinking!)....texts back and fourth. Never heard from Pattie--the fifth one. Oh well....
Fast forward to late, late Monday night......my cell phone rings....caller I.D. says it's Pattie.
I answer with a cheery "Hey".....
Suddenly, a women screams "WHO IS THIS?"....
"What?" I answer
"I want to know why you texted my fiancee on Friday night to tell him you were thinking about him...." she asked in a not-so-nice voice....
"Ummmmm...." I responded. "This is not Pattie's cell phone?"
"I just want you to tell me WHY YOU WERE TEXTING MY FIANCEE TO TELL HIM YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT HIM?" she seemed very upset.
"Is this Pattie's daughter?" I asked, a bit confused.
"YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHY YOU WERE TEXTING MY FIANCEE TO TELL HIM YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT HIM? And, who is Boz Scaggs?" at this point, she was hysterical.
Then, I remembered my boozy texting my love to my friends moment....
"WHOA! Hold on!" I said.....knowing exactly what she must be thinking.
"I just want you to tell me the truth, please. He is my fiancee." she said in a pleading, sad and defeated voice. "Are you with him?" she asked, with such heartbreak in her voice, I wanted to cry.
"Okay, sweetie. Please listen to me. I am a 50 some year old woman who was on vacation, texting my college room mates about a song I was listening to. Honestly. I was texting Pattie, my friend from college...." I tried to explain. "I guess this is not Pattie's cell phone number anymore?" I asked, trying to diffuse the situation. I could hear her sighing.
"Really? " she asked in a whisper.
"Yes, really. Really. Really." I told her, hoping she believed me.
"This is terrible...." she said crying.
"No, it's good. It was just one big mistake! " I told her.
"No. You don't get it. We've been fighting all weekend. ALL WEEKEND! He said there was no one else! I didn't know who JC could be!!! I was so scared and mad. We are getting married in 3 weeks....." she continued to sob....
"Oh, but honey, honestly, honestly, honestly....I was texting Pattie, my college friend. Not your fiancee. I am JC.....I am over 50 years old....I do not want your fiancee! Believe me!! Honestly, I don't!!! I wish you would have called as soon as you saw the text so you didn't have to suffer all weekend!" my heart just ached for this girl....
"I am sorry....I am so sorry. I was just so.....well.....you know. I have been crying and we have been fighting and I was this close to calling it all off. And now he is so upset that I don't trust him...." she said, her voice trailing off.
"Well, I can understand completely. And, I am sure your fiancee will too. Tell him to try to think what he would do if he saw you got that text. Give him some time. I would have felt the same way as you. Anyone would have. It will be fine. But, really, believe me....." I begged her to know the truth.
"I am so sorry to bother you. Thank you for being so nice to me instead of yelling at me. I feel so stupid. I know I shouldn't read his texts. But the phone was right next to me when he got it so I read it!! It's all one big mess now....." she cried softly.
"OOOH...this will be a funny story someday....I promise!" I told her as I bid her farewell.

Ten minutes later.....Pattie's cell phone called me again.

It was the fiancee.....the guy I was texting....
"I just wanted to thank you for helping and being so nice to my fiancee...." he told me.
I let him know I appreciated his call.
"I was in hell all weekend over this," he confided with a bit of a laugh. "I was thinking of calling you myself but then I didn't want her finding your number in my phone and it was just so crazy. I sort of figured it was a wrong number so I told her to call you right away but she was afraid or something. I think she just wanted me to admit to it...." he tried to explain.
We talked a little bit more and then before we hung up....he told me I saved his life.

Damn I'm good.....

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

HOLY CRAP!!!

Jill from NY

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Wow! What drama! Nice of you to save the wedding!

Debbie said...

Only you... Lol

Christine said...

Wow! What a crazy story! That fiancee was a little unhinged though. I'm glad that you were there to save the marriage!

Jenny said...

Awe, that stinks!!

Kathy said...

That was quite a bit of drama. Glad you saved the day. So what happened to Patti? Did you find her real number?