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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Hold it right there mi amici......


Stay right where you are!
And, listen up!

Because I've got something to say.......

I am not too thin.
By all scientific and healthtific standards.
I am not too thin.
Nor do I want to be.
As a matter of fact, according to the BMI charts, I'm on the high end of the NORMAL WEIGHT (whatever that is).....
The experts have spoken.
The U.S. Government has declared......I am a high normal.....
So, please stop worrying about me......really.....
(but honestly, I thank you....from the bottom of my healthy heart for your emails and even those few phone calls!!)

Sure, I was a little bit high just at the thought that someone called me....ME?.....too thin.
And, sure I did a little dance on my chair and went home and ate loaded mashed potatoes and washed it down with a glass of MezzaCorona Pinot Grigio.......alright, alright...I had 2 glasses....sheesh....
But, let's get real here--I am not...no, no, no....aiming to be too thin.
I've got standards.
And, lots of new Size 8 pants......
So, trust me when I tell you......even though I did a little jig and some fist pumping over hearing that I was getting too thin......I am not spiraling into some anorexia/bulimia/skinnyholic lifestyle.
I was just....well.....askin'/sayin'........AM I REALLY GETTING TOO THIN?
Na-ah. REALLY?!?
Come on, am I REALLY? REALLY REALLY?

More fist pumping!
A few more hell-yeahs......oh...and one more cartwheel.....(as if I could do a cartwheel!)
Okay, okay.....I just can't help myself.
Give me my moment.
I promise.....I'll stop celebrating soon.
Really.

But, as any life long dieter and former obese person can tell you---those are words that we have never heard before. Well, at least I haven't....
So, of course, I'm going to act a little irrational upon hearing it.
And, of course, my life-long Dieting Girl behavior is going to kick in.
No matter how far I've come.....that Dieting Girl lives inside of me.
I can try as I might to fight her off but she rears her head every so often---especially when she hears the words---you are too thin....
All of a sudden, that Dieting Girl sees it as a reason to indulge, to overeat, to live it up....to do the unthinkable and consume food with reckless, getouttatown abandon!
Thankfully, my beloved Lapband is there to stop Dieting Girl from overdoing it too much.
Because, really--Dieting Girl can really let loose--as in WOOOOOHOOOOO let's swing from the chandeliers while catching donuts in-yer-mouth and swigging full-fat chocolate martinis-- when she thinks she is too thin.
Why?
Because, damn, I love food---the Dieting Girl inside of me and the Lapbanded Girl that I am right now are all ONE when it comes to loving food.
Another beauty of the Lapbanded life.....
I can be whoever I want to be and still maintain....
Now, that's something to really celebrate!
But, I'm still going to celebrate the too thin for a just a little while longer.....as long as you promise not to worry about me!!!
Deal?

3 comments:

Band Groupie said...

*Clinking Wine Glasses*
Here's to TOO THIN!!!

Amy said...

You are such a great writer! This was fun to read...and fun to know how much you enjoyed the comment! :)

Bonnie said...

Can't wait until somebody calls me too thin. Congrats.