Overheard at the mall.......

One sales clerk to another: What's with all the plus size prom gowns?
How many fat girls EVEN go to the prom?

The other sales clerk didn't have a chance to answer.
No. No.
It wasn't because I said anything or gave them the ass whoopin' they deserved.
I didn't need to.
Within ear shot of that conversation was a young woman and her mother looking at the plus size prom gowns....
The young girl's eyes darted away and she seemed to almost cower behind the rack of dresses.
It was all I could do not to cry.
I knew her pain.
I felt her pain.
I knew this would be one of those moments that would stay in her memory bank....always being associated with the prom....
I could feel the lump in my throat, the tears welling up in my eyes.
I didn't want them to see me.
But, the mother caught my eye.
I gave her a knowing look.
She, in turn, half smiled at me, gently directed her daughter to another rack, not looking back at the sales clerks.
The sales clerks nervously scampered away.

The rest of the evening, I spun great fantasies in my head about how the mother head butted the offending clerk and yanked out her hair and smudged her eye liner and broke the heels on her shoes.....

I know how special certain things are.
A mother and daughter shopping for a special dress is one of those things.
At least in my world....
Last year at this time, Toni and I were doing the prom dress tour.
We were zig-zagging across Pittsburgh and beyond to find the perfect dress.
Sure, we had some frustrating moments and found ourselves losing hope at a few points.
And, there was that one time that Toni literally got stuck in the dressing room because the skirt on the Cinderella dress (I begged her to try on) was too big to get through the doorway.
Regardless of the little snafus and trying moments, it was a special time....for the both of us.
That's what I wanted for this mother and daughter.....
Yes, I know....it's a completely irrational wish. They might hate shopping and abhor dresses or maybe the young girl is not even going to the prom and is instead looking for a dress for the mother.....
And, if you really think about it--what I want or whether they were dressing shopping or not--it doesn't matter.
What matters is the whole stigma that goes along with weight and body image.
It permeates every part of life--all the way down to whether a young girl who is struggling with weight is worthy enough to go do the prom....
And, you don't think overweight people know this?
They sure do.
Any person who has struggled with weight and would have happened to overhear what I overheard at the mall knows exactly what I am saying.
We. Know.

It's no secret that people who are overweight are often thought to be less smart, less beautiful and yes....less worthy than the thinner folks who are walking the earth.
I wish I could tell you that I didn't care about any of that and none of it entered my mind when I was contemplating my Lapband surgery.
I would be lying.
I didn't like being the chubby girl or the fat woman.
And I didn't like being less than.....
All because I. was. fat.

So, what's my point?
It's not easy to put into words
But I know you get it.
And, I just wanted to share this story with you and tell you about what the girl and I overheard at the mall.......