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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Aging strikes.....again.....

Bunions, stray chin hairs, droopy boobs, little wrinkles.....I have learned to deal with these unfortunate problems.
Heat flashes, disturbed sleep and spider veins....I am learning to deal with these very inconvenient issues. .
Mood swings and fears of aging......I have a gin infused potion that deals with them!

But, honestly, I really do not want to find out that I have an illness where the first line that describes it says.....
....usually strikes older people (over 50 years of age).......

Um....older people?
Over 5o years of age is...... OLDER PEOPLE?

How in the hell did I get it?

Okay, I'm thankful I am not dying of some awful disease.
I'm thrilled that I don't have to start writing my last will and testament.
And, I am pleased by the fact that I won't be ruining the holidays by being putridly ill and unable to wear lip gloss or cook or shop or go to parties or wear my new holiday sweaters.....
Plus, I really am truly grateful that I won't have to deal with people trying to figure out what to say to me because I am dying around the holidays.
And, if you really want to know the truth, I am down-on-my-knees-appreciative that I don't have to worry about dying while my bedroom is a mess.

But, really.....if I have to get an illness that is so painful that I feel like I have hot pokers being stuck under my arm and into my shoulder blade and through my boob....could it at least be an illness that ANYONE can get?

It all started with a minor headache....that lasted about a week.
Then, I started noticing that I was so exhausted I could hardly make it through the day.
Then, a sharp pain started in my shoulder blade.
Then, my shoulder started burning and feeling really weird.
Then, my arm pit got numb. Then, it started really hurting.
Then, the flabby part of my arm felt numb.
Then, the weird sensations started in my boob.
That's when I got crazy scared.
So, I went to the chiropractor.
Yes, I was completely out of wonder I was in pain.
I continued going to the chiropractor.
He was going to solve all of my problems.
But I was feeling lousy and in pain and hot and cold and achey and exhausted.
So, I trotted myself off to the doctor's.
That's when he found that I had a very enlarged lymph node plus a few more swollen ones.
He suspected it was an infection.
Take these pills and you will be fine....
The stabbing, hot poker pain continued---morning, noon and night.
Fucking the fucking morning, fucking at noon and fucking at night.
So, I took myself back to the doctor--fully expecting to hear I was going to die at any time.
No, let's do some blood work.
What's the blood work for?
That's a young person's sickness.
It's from kissing.
I was okay with mono.
I might be tired but I wasn't going to die.
Sounded good to me.
But, my blood work came back that I did not have mono.
Why couldn't I have the kissing disease?????
That's when I flipped out on my, I told him-- on the phone when he called to report I was mono free--in a rather hysterical voice....
"You know, I have myself so damn stressed out about this and I am in so much pain and I can't sleep between the pain and the stress---now, I am developing welts on my chest and my arm! I HAVE HIVES!!!"
The doctor was quiet for a moment.
Then, he asked...."where are these hives? are they on the same side of your body where you are feeling all this pain and where the lymph nodes are swollen?"
I looked down at my right side....."Yessss" I murmured, now wondering what terrible disease I could have. I did not want to ruin Thanksgiving.
"Sounds like we have a case of shingles on our hands,"
he told me.


So, my friends, not only am I suffering from this awfully painful, ugly mess of an illness, I am also fucking pissed off that it's an illness for "OLD PEOPLE".....of which, I am defined as ONE OF THEM!

This really is not the time to piss me off.


Jacquie said...

Ouch...very painful indeed! My mother had shingles at 60+ and my best friend, age 46 just got over them. Feel better!

Barbara said...

I truly feel for you.. my husband had these 2 years ago (although he has a compromised immune system) and was truly painful (and if dx early enough they can give you Acyclovir).. be kind to yourself and take it easy and hoping this is a gentle case. I will be thinking of you..

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

Awwwwweeee, I hear those are painful.
Take care of yourself. Hope your back to your "cheerful" self soon!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie I hope you feel better soon. You have to take it easy as stress makes these worse. There's some good meds if caught early enough. Take care (((hugs))), Lucy

Amanda Kiska said...

My fella is having an outbreak right now too. He gets it once or twice A YEAR. And he's only 42.

Feel better!