I never thought I'd say this....but.....

my body is in weight loss mode.

The pounds are dripping off here and there.

I'm not really trying.

It's just the way it is.

My body is doing it.

Not me.

Really.

It's in weight loss mode.

I know my body--it's a very stubborn body.

When I was gaining weight--it was in weight gain mode.

That's what it did--it gained weight. And it wouldn't stop.

Now it's in weight loss mode.

So that's what it is doing.

It gets stuck doing what it does and keeps on going.....

This stubborn body of mine.

My pants are loose.

One week they fit, the next week, they are bagging a little here and there.

I know, I know.....kinda wild, ain't it?

And to think all these years, I waited for this moment. And then it has to come at the busiest time of the year--September. I don't even have the time to plan a party.

Isn't that always the way?

On Sunday night, as the weekend was winding down, I was picking up all the papers and magazines strewn about the living room as Carmen channel surfed for more football. It wasn't an unusual scene for a Sunday night--except for the fact that it was just the 2 of us. At one point--I guess I was blocking the TV screen....because that's when he said "Judi, you really lost a lot of weight!" Sure, I could have thrown the pile of magazines I had in my arms at his head. It would have been the easy thing to do. But, why make a mess of a room I was trying to clean up? Who could blame me for being agitated? I ask.
Sure, it's true....I have lost a lot of weight. I mean....100 pounds (and possibly a few more) is a lot. He's right. But, damn it...being right isn't what it's all about...is it?

Here's the thing--I know the man is not home all that much and I know that when he is home, he is almost always distracted by either his Blackberry, his beeper, his cell phone or the TV remote. But, honestly--I've been losing this weight for over 2 years now. Remember that morning I left at 5 am and went to the hospital? Yeah, that morning.

Anyway, before I could run into the kitchen to get a butcher knife to dig his eyes out of his head, he said "will you ever stop losing weight?"

Now,what does a wife say to a husband when the subject of weight comes up?

Why? Do I look fat?

That is what we say...right?

So, what did I say?

"What? Are you saying that I look too skinny?"

To that---he rolled his eyes. I should have dug those eyes out when I had the chance.

"No, I'm just asking if you ever stop losing weight when you have a lap band, that's all. I just can't win here....."

No, Carmen, you can't win.

"So, what are you saying?" I asked

"Are. you. ever. going. to. stop. losing. weight.?" he slowly asked. As if I'm a remedial listener!

The man just doesn't get it.

"Are you asking if I am going to stop losing weight and start gaining weight?" I replied with some measure of fear.

"No, I was just wondering. That's all." he said, picking up the remote and motioning for me to move away from the TV screen.

"I mean, I don't look sickly. Do I?" I asked---wondering if I somehow became blind to how I look--like those models who are skinny-skinny but don't seem to know how icky they look. I mean, I can't see my hip bones sticking out. And damn, I didn't think I looked too skinny. ME? Too skinny? Yeah, right.

"No. Why? Don't you feel good?" he asked....just like Carmen....looking for a problem.

"I feel great. I am just asking if I don't look good." I once again gave him a chance to redeem himself.

"You're fine. I was just wondering, that's all. Are you going to stop losing weight--ever? Not are you going to gain weight. I just wanted to know. Period. That is all I was asking," I could tell he lost his patience.
I'm fine? Is that what he said? I'm fine. He didn't say you're ffffiiiiiineee.....he said you are fine.
Big difference.

"Okay, so why couldn't you just give me a compliment?" I shot back.

"I did. I said you lost a lot of weight! Isn't that a compliment?" his voice tinged with confusion.

Alright. Thanks. You suck at this stuff.

But just so you know.....

I need new pants. All. new. pants.

And probably a bunch of new shoes too.

In fact, I'm sure of it.
Lots.
Because I lost a fucking 100 (and many more) pounds.
Just be glad I'm in weight loss mode here.

I'd be so bitchy if I wasn't.....