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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I was young once......

Earlier in the week, Toni and I went to the gym. She's still doing the Hi-Low class. Not me. I'm doing the work out my personal trainer set up for me. I hate every second of it. There's nothing I can do about it. I hate it. Period. That's it. People tell me that I'll fall in love with working out. No. Not me. It's not going to happen. Now, don't accuse me of being stubborn. I'm not. If I could fall in love with it....I swear, I would. But, after 49 years of living with myself....I know Judi. Cupid is not going to hit my heart with the exercise loving arrow. So, don't even try to convert me. I'm perfectly okay with hating it. I realize life is like that. You hate some things. That's just the way it is. The only thing I think is horribly unfair is that if you hate something but you do it anyway because it's good for you, you should reap double the benefits from it. Doesn't that seem like a reasonable trade off? Wonder who I can talk to about that.

Anyway, one of our gym night routines has become weighing ourselves on the way out of the locker room. Now, Toni is a little slip of a thing---petite and perfectly proportioned. She would absolutely kill me if I listed her weight here on my I won't. But, let me tell you, if I weighed what she weighed.....well, I'd buy Google Blogger and have my weight plastered on every blog in the universe. That's just me, of course. Back to the scale....Toni is always so suspicious of the scale at the gym. She says it is "off". She claims that she always weighs less on that scale. I'm no stranger to scale-a-noia , that's for sure. So, I understand why she is frustrated. Plus, she's young. She expects things a certain way. When you reach my take what you can get. If THAT scale says I weigh 3 pounds less than my scale at home....I go with it. As long as I weight less than I did last week, it's all good. And, I'm not going to try to calibrate a scale...that's for damn sure. I guess I could complain to management. But, what would I say?

So, here's the thing. On the way home from the gym, as I mentally applauded myself for my current occurred to me that I now weigh what I weighed on that gloomy day in January 1986 when I decided "enough is enough". That's when I began my 10 year love affair with Weight Watchers. I was fat. I was disgusted. I was miserable. I couldn't believe I weighed THAT MUCH. I felt doomed and lost and hopeless. same exact weight is making me smile. I don't feel fat. I'm not disgusted. I am not miserable. I feel good. I feel oh so normal. I feel comfortable. I feel lighter. I feel hopeful. I feel like I'm winning.

What about that day in January 1986? Was I just a fool? No, I was young. YOUNG. What the hell did I know?

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