Why don't we have a little fun in the kitchen?
Oh, come on, it won't be all that bad. I promise. Really, I do.
Need some music to listen to while you cook that turkey? Have you thought about this classic song.....
Go ahead....talk dirty on Thanksgiving.....!
How about a new dish to bring to Aunt Edna's this year. Try this.
What to do if you don't want to go to Aunt Edna's next year....
-When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
-Bring a date or a friend that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
-During mid-meal turn to Aunt Edna and say, "See Aunt Edna, I told you they wouldn't notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
Want to make personalized place cards for every guest at your Thanksgiving table?Check out these FOODSCOPES.....healthy eating according to astrological signs....? won't cousin Gerty love you
Wonder what you're going to talk about this year at the Thanksgiving Dinner table? How about being thankful?
thankful that you're not any of these people...
or maybe thankful Al isn't coming to your house....
How about a new outfit to cook in this year....
Have you ever heard this Thanksgiving kitchen story....it's a classic....you might want to share it with Uncle Fred...
I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then I had to have you for my own.
Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I carried you & threw the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and breasts. Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white skin.
From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the warm water that awaits.
The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads of water. Making them trickle down off your body.
I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what was well prepared to enter you before we even came through the door.
As soon as I lay you down your legs spread open wide. You are ready now and so am I.
I put a little in slowly at first, getting a feel for how much you can take in.
I put in more, you take it willingly. In anticipation, faster and faster I put it in, pushing it in deeply as far as I can, until I can't put any more in, you are so tight. With your legs wrapped tightly, not wanting to release any of it,
I make you so hot for a very long time, until your sweet juices escape from within. Then I taste you, with my tongue at first, your skin is so soft and tender.
I taste more of you with my mouth, you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.
Your juices coating my mouth, making me drool in anticipation of eating you more, with every taste.
"Oh yes", I say to you,
I must say Grace "Thank God for Butterball turkey.... Amen"
Only 9 dieting days until Thanksgiving.......
7 comments:
YOU ARE FREAKIN' FUNNY!! OMG I LAUGHED SO HARD.....LOVE THE STORY TO TELL UNCLE FRED...
Fabulous and hysterical post Judi! You rock the blogs sista!!
Jody
I forgot to tell you that I did try your stuffing. It was amazing!! We had some of the family over and they loved it. It will grace our table at Thanksgiving.
Jody
Great post.
My husband was a butcher at an upscale grocery store. (Remember Food Gallery?) He always said, the more you charged some people for things, the better they liked it. They were always trying to one up each other. Plus they always thought they knew it all.
One time this woman wanted asked him to find her a really small turkey. He showed her his smallest one and she would not hear of it. She demanded that he find her a smaller one.
If you've ever seen a meat freezer before Thanksgiving, this is no easy feat. Digging throught frozen turkeys is no fun. Hundreds and hundreds of them. He had been working about 15 days in a row without a day off and was in no mood. Plus this woman wasn't very nice.
He finds a small chicken, wraps it and charges her for a small turkey and sends her on her way.
She came back a few days later and asked what brand of Turkey that was becuase "Her Harold" thought it was the best turkey he ever ate!
He told that story every Thanksgiving. You can sell people anything.
Sorry about the grammar, hit publish by mistake!
So he's dead, I can "tell the tale"
He loved the Food Gallery. He really did, they treated him wonderfully. Can you please ask your cousin if he remembers him. He was a working fool!!!He considered himself an artist. And he really was. What he could do with that knife was unbelievable.
For reason unknown to anyone they CALLED HIM for a job. He was working for Shop and Save and they went on strike. A week later, he got a call to see if he wanted to work for them. He jumped at the deal. For years we thought he was referred by my mothers friend who worked for them named Carl Debatcher (wrong spelling, i'm sure, unfortunately all involved are dead!) But years later, he said to my mother how great it was that Dan was there, and my mother thanked him and he honestly didn't know why.
Devine intervention.
But he never enjoyed a job more. And if any of your relatives ran the Shadyside Food Gallery, they would have to know Dan D'Amico. Assistant Meat Manager. As Carl said, the best one they had. His immediate boss was Mike McQuisten. All others I would know their name if you said them.
This makes me upset, things you never thought you would forget, you forget.....God, I thought I would remember all those names forever.
If all else fails, he was the most handsome employee they had. Never went to work withour a perfectly ironed shirt and tie. TO CUT MEAT!
How funny you should be related.
And one more thing, If he would have taken a day off and went to the Dr. he would be alive right now!
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