The truth hurts......

THE DRESS didn't fit.

Well, it fit..... I could get it on.
And, it zipped without too much wiggling. 

But, once it was on and zipped.....it cried out for SPANX!
Now, lest anyone thinks I am anti-SPANX......let me set the record straight.
I LOVE SPANX.
But, sweeties, this dress was a  dress that easily glided over my body just 10 months ago.
Not even my newly airbrushed bronzed body helped.  
So, there I was--faced with a conundrum---

Do I succumb to the higher power of SPANX and go on my way?

OR

Do I throw that damn dress on the floor and then fling myself on the bed in a drama-ridden hissy fit?

Well, after the hissy fit and a few head-bangings on the headboard.....
I chose another dress.

I have to confess that I'm not proud of my behavior.
I mean.....I had years of throwing myself on the bed in frustration over something not fitting.
I was sure those days were over.
And, just when I got a little too comfortable with never having to stress over wardrobe misfortunes again---it happened.  
Once again, I found myself laying in a heap on my bed spiraling into my fat girl behavior. 
It was not a good feeling. 
And, it set the tone for the rest of the day. 
All day long.
Finally, when I hit evening rush hour traffic and I had a bit of time to reflect on the punishment I handed myself  for the past 12 hours, I began to think a little more rationally.
First of all---the fact that I've gained a few pounds is no secret.
They were pounds that I deserved---late night cookie raids, a little too much mindless eating, too many chips, chocolate treats in the middle of the day and overdoing it on the band friendly foods.
However, the good news is that I have managed to knock off a few of those visiting pounds over the past few weeks by returning to my Lapband lifestyle.  Granted, I have not been 100% perfect but I never set out to be perfect nor do I believe---in my heart of hearts--that I want to be.  Perfection is not my style. 
Secondly, the fact that this weight has went directly to my weak-spot---my belly---should be no surprise to me.  My stomach has always been the depository for my weight.   I come by it very honestly--my dad and my paternal grandmother gave me that gift at birth.   Some people get their mother's thighs or their grandfather's bubble but.  I got the belly. 
And, thirdly---did I somehow forget that I'm 53?
From what I hear--midsection rolls and belly flab are the curse of my age. 
As I sat in traffic and pondered these realities--it occurred to me that even though throwing myself on my bed and banging my head on the headboard and beating myself up over a dress not fitting all day were definitely throw-back-fat-girl behaviors, I was not anywhere near the girl that I was a mere 5 years ago. 
First of all--- the dress did zip.  I just didn't like the way it looked.  And, I was able to go to my closet and pull out another dress that fit just fine.
5 years ago---I would have tried on another 10 dresses--with none of them fitting me. By not fitting me--I mean that the zipper would have NOT went up. I would have had to wrap myself in some black stretchy fashion disgrace in order to get out of the door. 
And, last but not least---today I have my Lapband.
 I know what it's like to feel empowered by it and to feel good about how I look and  I know what it feels like not to let food and diets rule my life. 
Five years ago, I didn't feel any of that.
Five years ago, 10 dresses didn't fit---and even if they did--I would not have been happy with how they looked!
Five years ago, I had over 100 pounds to lose.
Yes, five years ago, I was FIVE years younger.
But,  since I can't stop the clock from ticking, I might as well make the most of the ticking.

Let's face it---the truth of the matter is--the dress did fit.
My standards are just a little higher these days. 
I'm five years older and 100+ pounds lighter......I expect more. 

The truth is hurting less.  

Happy Friday!

It's ROAD TRIP TIME!  
PhDland......here I come!
We'll chat again on Monday!